It's Never Too Late
by Cress
Summary: Joey-Chandler slash, occurring after the series finale of Friends. In this world, there is no such thing as a Joey spinoff in L.A. Not for Mondler fans. Now rated R.
1. Chick Jr and Duck Jr

It was 3 AM in Joey's apartment, and the baby chick wouldn't go back to sleep, again. It chirped incessantly, waking up the baby duck too, and together, the tiny birds made quite a ruckus for their size.  
  
"Shh, shh! Mama's here." Joey was exhausted; he'd lost count of all the nights that he'd lost sleep to these two demanding babies. The Days of Our Lives makeup artists were finding it hard to hide the bags under his eyes.  
  
Joey sighed and tiredly attempted to comfort the birds with their toys, and even a miniature version of Hugsy. Joey had forgotten how much work it was to take care of baby birds. It had been seven years, after all, since the original chick was a baby, and three years since he had birds of any age living in his apartment.  
  
(The original chick and duck had fallen seriously ill after eating Rachel's face cream, and after a visit to the vet, Chandler had told Joey that it was safer for the birds to go and live on a special farm away from the city, where they could run around outside and play with other birds and be happy. Joey had of course wanted to visit this special farm, but Chandler told him that this was against the rules.)  
  
When Rachel and Emma had lived here with Joey, there had been lots of crying and screaming from that infant, too, but at least it wasn't all the time, and Emma often stayed the night with Ross, or her grandparents, instead.  
  
With Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., Joey was reliving in vivid detail all the sleepless nights he had gone through with his previous pets. Only one thing was missing now--Chandler. Chandler had been here the last time, but now Joey was a single bird parent.  
  
Remembering something that Chandler used to do, Joey began to sing to the birds "Old Macdonald Had a Farm" and the birds finally settled down. After they fell asleep, Joey laid them back on the straw nest he'd made for them, and he covered them with a blanket.  
  
Then Joey sat back and watched them sleeping. How cute they looked, when they were peaceful and quiet. Joey wished that Chandler was here to see them. If only Chandler was still across the hall, and Joey could just go over there and wake him up. But Chandler wasn't living there anymore. He, Monica, and their adopted twins had moved to that house in Westchester. That stupid house in the stupid suburbs. He still hated it, even though he told them that he would be supportive of their decision. He didn't like his new neighbors, and he didn't like living here, all alone. The apartment felt so empty now.  
  
Joey missed Chandler a lot, and he hated being so far away from his best friend. Sure, Rachel and Ross were living across the street with Emma now, and Phoebe and Mike were still in the city, even if it was several blocks away, but it wasn't the same anymore. Things were changing too much, and too fast, as if the universe had arbitrarily decided to bombard them with major life changes all at once. Phoebe had got married, Monica and Chandler had adopted babies and moved, Estelle died, and Ross and Rachel were back together. They were all leaving Joey behind, and nobody had time to just hang out in the coffeehouse anymore.  
  
With Monica and Chandler living miles away now, it felt like they had left the group entirely. They hardly ever called or visited lately because they were so busy with the twins. Joey certainly knew how demanding babies could be, but he'd always hoped that Monica and Chandler would live nearby in that case. That way, Joey could still see them or even help babysit the twins for them. He didn't understand their reasoning that "growing up" required that they move away and drift apart from their close friends.  
  
Feeling rather gloomy and desolate, Joey finally got up and returned to his bedroom. After Monica's demolition, he had saved many parts of the broken foosball table, and from the rubble he picked up two of the foosball players, one yellow and one black. Joey remembered the names that they had given to these players, and he smiled sadly while thinking of all the games he and Chandler had played with them.  
  
Still staring at the foosball players, Joey got into bed and lay down, just holding onto the foosball players for comfort until he finally drifted off to sleep.  
  
That weekend, a very disheveled Chandler answered the doorbell at his house and was startled to see Joey standing there on his front step.  
  
"Hey!" Joey grinned and immediately pulled him into a big bear hug. He missed Chandler so much, and it had been far too long since their last hug.  
  
"J-Joe!" Chandler laughed breathlessly and then staggered back out of Joey's arms. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to visit you guys," Joey explained and gestured to the suitcases he had packed for the weekend. "Come on, isn't that what the Joey room is for?"  
  
"Oh, sure. It's just, if you'd given us some warning--"  
  
"Well, I tried calling, but nobody answered, so I decided to surprise you guys. Look, I brought some presents for the twins."  
  
"Oh, thanks!" But then Chandler looked concerned. "It's not the chick and duck, is it? 'Cause I don't think we can handle any more babies just now."  
  
"I know," Joey nodded. "I left Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. with Phoebe and Mike for the weekend. They're talking so much about having a big family, you know, that I thought I'd give them a chance to practice taking care of babies together."  
  
"That's a good idea." Chandler sighed and really wished that someone had given him and Monica a chance to practice with twins before they were born. Sure, Chandler loved little Erica and Jack, and he was trying so hard to be a good dad, but surely the adoption agency or the doctors should have informed them about the twins as soon as sonograms were available. Chandler wished that he had been able to take a thorough parenting class to prepare himself better. Due to the last minute surprise, Chandler was now relying mostly on his scattered experiences with babysitting Ben, Emma, and the triplets that belonged to Frank and Alice.  
  
Chandler started to let Joey inside the house, when Monica came into the living room from the den, looking quite harassed and disheveled too.  
  
"Chandler, no! I told you, no company while the house is a mess!"  
  
"Monica, it's just Joey."  
  
"Oh," Monica hadn't recognized Joey at first glance, being so distracted and upset about the state of the house. "Well, fine, you can come in, Joey. But you have to swear that you'll never ever tell anybody how messy this place is. Especially not my mother!" She really couldn't take her mother's scathing criticisms just now.  
  
"I promise," Joey said and came over to give her a hug, before glancing around the house. "It doesn't look so bad to me."  
  
Monica rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You'd say that. Your apartment's so gross, it should be condemned."  
  
Joey grinned and even seemed a little proud of that fact. He liked being a slob, and it was one of the best things about being a bachelor. "Well, who cares?" he told Monica. "It's just a stupid house in the stupid suburbs, anyway!"  
  
"Joey!" Chandler scolded him.  
  
Joey shrugged. "I told you, it comes and it goes."  
  
Monica sighed and remained frustrated with the house. "It looks so awful! I haven't even finished decorating it." Monica had planned to paint the walls, and buy a lot of furnishings, art, curtains, flowers, and more, but she hadn't been able to do so, because the twins had been born early, before they had a chance to move into the house and decorate it. Even with housewarming presents from their friends and family, many rooms of the house were still quite bare.  
  
Joey offered, "Hey, if you want, I'll make you guys some furniture! I'll build you some real nice bookshelves, and an entertainment center--"  
  
Chandler shook his head and interrupted, remembering the oversized entertainment center that Joey had built years ago. "No, no, no! That's okay, Joe. That's all right. We're fine with what we've got now." He added to his wife, "It's really not that bad, Mon."  
  
"It's horrible!" she insisted. "I can't stand to live like this!"  
  
The house was so untidy and dirty because it was a losing battle to keep up with the housework while trying to take care of two newborn babies. The perfectionist in Monica considered it a terrible disgrace to let the house get this bad, and she constantly berated herself for it, even though Chandler kept telling her that there were more important things in life.  
  
To change the subject, Joey said, "Come on, show me where the babies are!" So they all went into the den, with Joey bringing along his bag of baby presents.  
  
Joey was excited to see the twins, and he remarked on how much they'd grown in the past month. "Look, they have your eyes, Chandler," Joey said as he picked them up.  
  
Chandler smiled and didn't bother to correct Joey, that they were Erica's features, or those of the biological father. "Hey guys, do you remember your uncle Joey? Huh?"  
  
Joey made cooing noises to the babies and then asked if anybody had a camera to take pictures. "I'm gonna give them their presents now."  
  
"Okay." Chandler searched through the clutter for a camera, while Monica just slumped back into a rocking chair and felt incredibly worn out. She wished she could take a nap right now, but it was hard for her to relax when the house was such a mess.  
  
Chandler found a camera and took pictures while Joey played with the babies and showed them their new toys. After having some fun for a while, they had to put the babies down for a nap, so the adults headed to the living room and took a baby monitor with them.  
  
They sat down on the couch, and Monica resumed grumbling about the messy house.  
  
Ever hopeful, Joey suggested that Monica and Chandler move back to the city, where they'd only have an apartment to keep clean, instead of this huge house. Plus, they'd be closer to friends and relatives who could babysit and make things easier on them. "You guys could even move in with me!"  
  
Chandler was tempted by this offer, thinking that it would help Monica to stop stressing out so much, but she refused to move. Sure, things weren't working out the way that she'd planned and hoped, but Monica could not "fail" at being a homemaker, even if this was only a temporary arrangement, while she was on maternity leave from the restaurant. To her, leaving Westchester would be to admit defeat.  
  
Joey was disappointed, and with a pout, he went to take his luggage upstairs. Chandler accompanied him to the "Joey room" of the house and showed him that they were now keeping the white dog statue in that room.  
  
"Cool! Hey, what happened to him?" Joey asked, looking at the dog more closely.  
  
Chandler explained, "Oh, the movers dropped him on the way over here, and they left a big crack in him. I had to patch him up a little." He frowned and remembered with annoyance that Monica had suggested after the accident that they throw the statue away. Chandler knew that she hated it and that the dog was tacky, but it was a gift from Joey, and after losing the foosball table not so long ago, he really didn't want to part with the statue too. Besides, it made Joey's room look less bare.  
  
Joey said, "Thanks for fixing him, Chandler. It kinda makes it feel like home." Then he unpacked his suitcases and took out some other mementos from home, like Hugsy and some baby pictures of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.  
  
"Aw, they're so cute!" Chandler chuckled at the pictures, which brought back many happy memories of the good old days. "Duck Jr. is already swimming in the bathtub, I see."  
  
"Yeah, and look what I brought you." He handed Chandler a couple of foosball players.  
  
"Oh, cool! Jordan and Joel!" Chandler was glad to see that Joey had saved something from the wreckage.  
  
"You should keep them here," Joey said, "and don't lose them or anything. They should always be together, you know." Even though we can't be.  
  
Chandler nodded and understood his point. "Thanks, Joe." He hugged him again. "We'll keep them in this room, so that the babies don't accidently chew on them or anything."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The rest of the weekend, Joey helped them out a lot by watching after the babies and allowing Monica to have more time for cleaning up the house. Chandler alternated between helping Monica with chores and hanging out with Joey.  
  
Joey actually knew quite a lot about babies, since his seven sisters all had kids and he sometimes babysat for them. Joey gave Chandler lots of practical advice on how to keep the babies happy, the kind of advice that came from experience rather than books. Chandler was glad to have reassurance that he was doing just fine for a first time father, and that he wasn't making too many mistakes.  
  
When Joey read bedtime stories to the twins, Chandler found it quite touching, and even got a little teary-eyed. Joey smiled and teased him about it, but not too harshly. He had missed Chandler so much lately, and he wanted to keep their jokes mild and friendly.  
  
Finally having the house somewhat under control, Monica was able to relax at last and feel better. But she started to get jealous about how much Joey was bonding with the babies. She didn't want the twins to love their uncle Joey more than their own mother, so she would sometimes interrupt his babysitting and take the babies back.  
  
Joey and Chandler shrugged it off and took the opportunity to spend time with each other. Joey wished that they had a foosball table, or other games here.  
  
"Maybe we'll get some guy stuff later, Joe, when we can afford it." Almost all their money was being spent on the babies lately. "How about we watch some Die Hard or Weekend at Bernie's?"  
  
"Okay."  
  
Meanwhile, Monica became more and more insecure about the twins, and she felt that they weren't becoming properly attached to her, because she couldn't breastfeed them. Both before and after the adoption, Monica had tried various methods to induce lactation and stimulate her nipples, but she had lost patience and given up because she didn't seem to be producing much milk.  
  
Monica complained miserably, "I'm missing out on all the natural, maternal bonding stuff that's supposed to happen. Anybody can bottle-feed a baby, even you guys!"  
  
Chandler protested, "You're their mother, Monica! They know that, and they love you. You wash them, diaper them, dress them, feed them, cuddle them, and do everything that they need. You're always there for them, and that's what matters. I mean, I sometimes feel like the babies don't really know who I am yet, because I'm still commuting to Manhattan for work, and I only get to spend nights and weekends with them."  
  
Monica remained anxious, though. "But when I go back to work after maternity leave ends, and I have to put the babies in day care, then I won't see them as much anymore. The twins will start to like the day care nannies more than me, and I bet they'll call them mommy too."  
  
Joey shook his head. "Of course they won't!"  
  
Monica pouted. "You wanna know what Emma's first word was, after 'gleba'? It was 'mama' to the nanny."  
  
The guys were shocked by this, and hoped that it was only a child's confusion of the names Molly and Mommy.  
  
Chandler insisted, "So what? You are a way better mother than Rachel is, Mon. You're loving and devoted, and you don't constantly hand off the kids to babysitters and grandparents, either. The kids are very attached to you already, and they won't forget you just because some other woman starts bottle feeding and taking care of them. You'll see."  
  
Monica sighed and tried to believe that, but she still felt depressed. "I just wish I could know what it's like, you know? Really connecting with the babies like that. It's one of the things that I was looking forward to all these years, after I saw Carol breastfeeding." Monica got very emotional. "It was so hard not being able to experience the pregnancy myself, and to not experience this either--it, it feels like I'm not their real mother."  
  
She started crying, and Chandler hugged her close, trying to reassure her.  
  
Seeing how much this breastfeeding thing meant to Monica, Joey said, "Well, um, maybe you could ask Carol for help, or somebody. Or, oh!" He got an idea. "What did Frank and Alice do when they brought home all the triplets, huh? I think I remember Phoebe telling me that Alice wanted to breastfeed too, so she bought this crazy gadget from the baby store. You're supposed to wear it around your neck, and it has this, like, pouch to hold the milk, and it drips down these tubes to both the nipples, so she could feed two of the babies at the same time. Frank wanted to help out, so he got a doohickey too and fed the other triplet at the same time."  
  
Monica became excited by this idea. "Oh my God, of course! Thank you!" She got up and dried her tears in a hurry. "I-I should go to the baby store and get one of those! And then I should get Frank and Alice to show me how to use it!" She found her car keys and immediately dashed out the door, wanting to get to the store before it closed.  
  
Joey and Chandler shrugged and assumed that they were supposed to watch the twins until she got back. Chandler patted Joey's shoulder and thanked him for the suggestion.  
  
Joey replied, "No problem. Actually, I thought it was pretty bizarre for Frank to want to wear that thing. But he's always been kind of strange, I guess."  
  
"Yeah." Chandler hoped that none of the triplets had become sexually confused by being "breastfed" by Frank Jr. Still, all of the triplets had seemed rather normal and healthy the last time that they visited.  
  
When Monica got back from the store later, she had one of those artificial nursing gadgets and immediately wanted to try it out. (She had called Alice on her cell phone to ask advice on what she should buy. Alice said that she was too busy with the triplets right now to show Monica how to use it, but she offered to come over some other time if Monica had trouble with the device.) Monica felt gung-ho enough to try out the gadget by herself, so she filled up the pouch with formula, then tried to breastfeed each of the twins. It took some practice to get the hang of it, but it finally worked and made her feel a lot better. She decided to regularly feed the babies this way, so they could bond in this uniquely maternal way.  
  
Joey and Chandler were happy for her, but couldn't help being rather embarrassed about seeing Monica nurse. She fed the babies with her breasts exposed, in order to encourage the babies to try sucking on her nipples. This was recommended for maternal bonding and to stimulate lactation. Chandler of course shooed Joey out of the room, so that he wouldn't stare at Monica's breasts, but he found himself ogling his wife too, and had to leave.  
  
[Note: It is actually possible to breastfeed an adopted baby, even if the adoptive mother has never been pregnant or given birth before. The mother does need to work at it, though, and have enough guidance from a lactation consultant or member of the La Leche League. Searching on the internet, I've even found breastfeeding devices that help supplement the milk supply when the mother isn't producing enough milk for her baby.] 


	2. Things Fall Apart

In the middle of the night, Joey was sleeping in his bedroom upstairs when he heard the twins crying loudly from their room and demanding yet another feeding. Monica was actually thrilled to get up and feed the babies this time, because she could use the nursing gadget again, while having her hands free to hold and rock the babies.  
  
After a while, Joey heard the twins quiet down, and Monica hummed soothingly to them. But before Joey could fall asleep again, he heard noise just outside his door, and he turned to see Chandler entering his bedroom.  
  
"Chandler?" Joey rubbed his eyes and sat up.  
  
Chandler looked at him and unsuccessfully tried to stifle his giggles. "I'm--I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"  
  
"No, the babies did. What's so funny?"  
  
Chandler sat down on the edge of Joey's bed and whispered, "Nothing, nothing. I was just helping Monica put on the thing, and I-I couldn't keep a straight face watching her feed the babies."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"I--" Chandler covered his face with a pillow to muffle his laughter. He knew that he was being immature, but he couldn't help it. "I just got fixated on her boobs again, you know, and I kept thinking about how big they would have been if she had got pregnant, or if she got that boob job you lied about."  
  
"Oh, you mean--?" Joey motioned with his hands to show big breasts.  
  
Chandler nodded. "And, and I realized that I was getting too excited, and I better not think about that, or Monica would think I was a pervert! So I tried to think of the most unsexy thing I could think of, and out of nowhere I pictured Frank Jr. breastfeeding the triplets." He broke into hysterical fits at the absurdity.  
  
"Shh!" Joey warned him. "Don't let her hear you!"  
  
"I kn-kn-know!" He didn't want Monica to get the wrong idea from his laughter, and think that he was making fun of her breastfeeding device. He really wished that Monica didn't feel so insecure about being an adoptive mother. She was doing just fine, yet her perfectionist streak demanded that she do everything better and have an impossible amount of control. She kept wanting things to be unrealistically perfect, with both the house and the babies, and who knew how she'd handle it when she went back to work in another month.  
  
Chandler's laughter was infectious, and despite his disapproval, Joey started to giggle uncontrollably too. He shook Chandler's shoulders and said, "Stop it! Stop it!"  
  
But neither of them could stop, and Joey wrestled Chandler onto the bed until their sides ached from laughing so hard. Then they just collapsed together and lay close to each other, completely out of breath and feeling quite silly.  
  
After a moment, Chandler turned to Joey and managed to speak again. "I missed you."  
  
Joey smiled and whispered back, "I missed you too."  
  
Chandler patted his arm. "I'm so glad you came to visit this weekend, Joe. This was a great surprise."  
  
Joey shrugged. "Well, I had to do something, you know? You promised that you'd make more time for me, remember? But you didn't even visit or call."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Joe. I just got too busy around here." Chandler squeezed his shoulder. "But I'll make more time for you, if you'll keep visiting us."  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Okay. Good night." Chandler hugged him one more time, then got up from the bed and left, returning to his and Monica's bedroom.  
  
"Good night," Joey called after him.  
  
After the weekend in Westchester, Joey came to pick up Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. from Phoebe and Mike. However, when he arrived at their apartment, the Hanigans were having a heated argument.  
  
"You murderer!" she yelled at Mike.  
  
Joey was shocked. "Whoa! What's going on?"  
  
Phoebe pointed at her husband with outrage, "While we were babysitting the birds, I asked Mike about what happened to those rat babies we had before, and he told me that he murdered them!"  
  
"I did not murder them, Phoebe. I took them to the vet, who put them to sleep."  
  
"You promised me that you'd find good homes for them, not kill them!"  
  
Mike protested, "Phoebe, they were rats! Seven rat babies. Who on earth is gonna want rat babies?"  
  
"You never know! This is New York, and people have all kinds of pets, like chickens, ducks, and monkeys."  
  
Mike rolled his eyes and wished that her group of friends didn't have such unusual tastes when it came to pets. He shrugged. "Okay, fine, some people have weird pets, but the only responses we got to our classified ads were people from laboratories who thought that we were breeding rats for animal testing."  
  
Phoebe was still angry at him. "Well, you shouldn't have lied to me then! If you couldn't find any nice families to take care of Bob's babies, then you should've, um, taken them out to the countryside, you know, with Suzy the mouse to watch over them. Then they could all be free and maybe meet a friendly possum and a wise cracking owl."  
  
Mike sighed and spoke with as much patience as he could muster. "But they're city rodents, Phoebe. You don't know if they could survive out in the wild, or if they'd just get eaten by the first fox to come along, or even get killed by a farmer who sets out traps or uses pesticides on his crop."  
  
Phoebe gasped and cried when she imagined those terrible scenarios, and Joey hugged her comfortingly, giving Mike a nasty glare that accused, "How could you?!"  
  
Mike knew that he'd been too blunt, but Joey wouldn't let him get close to her. "I'm sorry, Phoebe, but it's a cruel world out there. But you just said yourself that you didn't want me to lie to you."  
  
She sniffled against Joey's shoulder. "But--but those babies were our responsibility, Mike! We should have found some way to save Bob's babies. Like, um, maybe you could've--could've had them neutered by the vet and brought them back here to live. Then we could take care of the babies until they grew up and died naturally."  
  
Mike shook his head and told her, "The vet said that the rats weren't gonna survive long anyway, Phoebe. Apparently the formula we were feeding them wasn't a good substitute for the rat milk from their mother, so they were getting sick. I just did the only practical thing I could, to end their suffering."  
  
"Ohhh!" Phoebe got even more upset now. "It's all your fault for killing their mother with that awful trap! You could have killed Suzy too in that death trap!"  
  
"I didn't know about Suzy, okay? Or that Bob had babies. Look, if you have pet rodents, Phoebe, then you could at least keep them in cages or warn people before they accidentally eat your rat crackers."  
  
"Cage them up?!" She pulled out of Joey's embrace and looked shocked. "What, and treat them like prisoners, with--with their tiny paws scratching at the bars, and being forced to run around forever in a squeaky little hamster wheel? No! No!"  
  
"Okay, okay!" Mike felt as exasperated as Ross did back when Phoebe thought her mother Lily had come back as a cat. "Fine, but I didn't know that you had so many... dependents living in your kitchen cabinets... near all your food." He grimaced at how unsanitary that was, and he was glad that he'd convinced Phoebe to give away her mouse Suzy to one of her kooky friends. "I'm sorry about the rat babies, but it was too late to do anything for them by then, so I just, you know, had them put down peacefully so they could reunite with their mother Bob in heaven." He hoped that he had sufficiently mollified her spiritual beliefs. "Trust me, they're better off now, Phoebe."  
  
"How can I trust you, when you didn't even consult me about the babies first? And you didn't let me try to find some other rat mother to nurse them back to health, or let me hold a funeral for them like we had for Bob!"  
  
Mike sighed and tried not to roll his eyes at the memory of the funeral that Phoebe had actually thrown for Bob the rat, even having the rat cremated by a friend and keeping the ashes in a tiny jar next to her grandmother's ashes on the mantle.  
  
"Well, I-I was just trying to spare your feelings back then, and let you think that they'd gone off to nice homes, like you wanted." He tried to hug her, but was rebuffed. "Come on, Pheebs. I don't know why you can't be more realistic about this, after what happened to the chick and the duck."  
  
Joey looked concerned. "What happened to the chick and the duck?"  
  
Phoebe hit Mike for his indiscretion. "Nothing, nothing! Joey, you better take your birds and get out of here, before Mike does something bad to them."  
  
"Okay!" Joey picked up the pet carrier and left with Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. in a hurry.  
  
After Joey had gone, Mike turned to his wife apologetically, "I'm sorry! I forgot that he didn't know. But look, Phoebe, if you can handle telling Joey that his pets went off to some farm instead of dying, then why can't you understand what I did with the rat babies? I mean, would you have preferred to keep the illusion that they were adopted by some imaginary families?"  
  
"You don't understand!" Phoebe snapped back. "I trusted you, Mike, but you lied to me and murdered Bob's babies. Plus, you killed Bob, you complained about her funeral, and you wouldn't stop nagging me until I gave away Suzy too. You're--you're no better than your snooty parents eating veal! Or Gary, when he shot that bird." That was still an unpleasant memory to her. "I bet you wouldn't have had any problem with Bob, Suzy, or the babies if they had all been kittens or puppies or something else cute. It's like my song Smelly Cat, you know, where nobody wants Smelly Cat just because it's not clean enough and it doesn't smell nice enough. It's like how people treated me when I was homeless; I was like garbage to them. Only my other homeless friends treated me like I was still a person."  
  
Realizing now what a big deal this was to her, Mike felt remorseful for his insensitivity, and he sincerely apologized. "I'm sorry." He hugged her and tried to kiss her. "I'm so sorry, Phoebe. I promise, I won't do anything like that again."  
  
"You better not." She turned away from him and went to their bedroom, slamming the door and locking it. She wasn't so sure anymore that she wanted to have human babies with Mike after all.  
  
Outside the door, Mike kept trying to apologize, and he even offered to hold a belated funeral for the rat babies.  
  
Over the next several weeks, Joey periodically visited Chandler and Monica in Westchester, but he no longer trusted Mike to take care of the baby birds, so he insisted on only Phoebe watching them, or else he would drop the birds off with Ross and Rachel for the weekend.  
  
Chandler was glad to have Joey keep visiting them, because they had so much fun together. Also, Joey helped out a lot around the house, and that left Monica in a much better, saner mood than usual. She was even starting to decorate some of the empty rooms now, though it was on a tight budget. Seeing how good Joey was with the twins, Chandler began to wonder whether he could somehow ask Joey to be their godfather without offending Ross. Well, maybe it could be Chandler's way of getting back at Ross and Rachel for not wanting him to raise Emma alone. He would have to discuss the issue with Monica first.  
  
But then they ran into some financial trouble. Monica started checking out the local daycare facilities and nannies in the neighborhood, since she was going to return to work at the restaurant soon. Everything was so expensive in Westchester, though, and as she looked through their bills and analyzed their budget, she realized that they wouldn't be able to pay for everything. At least not until Chandler could get another promotion at work.  
  
"Maybe we should get another loan from Joey," she suggested.  
  
"Joey? Don't you remember what happened the last time?"  
  
"Sure, but come on, he owes you, Chandler. He's making plenty of money on the soap, and he doesn't even need it all. Why can't we ask him to help us out, after all the food and money he's taken from us over the years?"  
  
Chandler remained reluctant to do it, but Monica insisted. "Stop letting your pride get in the way! Remember when Joey was too proud to accept your charity, and you had to invent the game of cups to make him take your money? Don't be so stubborn, Chandler, and think of our babies. If you won't ask Joey for a loan, then I will."  
  
"Okay, okay!" 


	3. No White Picket Fence

[About geography: It's my understanding, from people who know the New York area, that Westchester is a county about an hour north of the city. (And remember that the Friends live in Greenwich Village, which is a few miles south of Central Park, the heart of Manhattan.) So Monica and Chandler (I won't call them the Bings since she didn't take his name AND lied about it AND convinced him not to pass his surname onto their children!) have moved at least an hour away from their friends, depending on where exactly in Westchester their house is. Incidentally, Scarsdale, where Ross pictured himself and Rachel settling down with their kids in season 2, is in Westchester county.  
  
An hour might not seem too bad, but I have relatives who live that far away from me, and we only see each other every few weeks or so, mostly for holidays. So I'm trying to convey that Joey is making a concerted effort to keep visiting Monica and Chandler every weekend, especially since he doesn't own a car and has to find someone to watch Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. while he visits. Joey is keeping in touch as best as he can, because he misses Chandler terribly and cannot bear even that much distance between them. Think of how lonely he felt in season 2 when he moved to that uptown apartment, which was still in the city! Thus, Joey wants Chandler to move back home badly, however selfish that may be.]  
  
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At the end of his work day, instead of commuting back to Westchester as usual, Chandler took the bus over to Joey's place to ask him for the loan. He intended to drop by to see Ross and Rachel afterward, and maybe Phoebe too if there was time tonight. (Although Joey had informed Chandler that Phoebe and Mike were having a lot of arguments lately, so a visit might not be a good idea.)  
  
When Chandler arrived at his old apartment building, he remembered belatedly that he no longer had a key, so he buzzed Joey's apartment. "Hey, Joe, it's me."  
  
"Chandler!" Joey was surprised and delighted by his visit. "Did Monica come too? No? Okay, well, come on up anyway!" He eagerly buzzed Chandler inside, anticipating his arrival already.  
  
"Thanks, Joe." As Chandler climbed up the familiar stairs, he noticed that many things in the building were different now. Some new light fixtures and plants had been added to stairwell, some hallways had been painted, and even Mr. Treeger had lost some weight, at the urging of his wife Marge. Apparently, life really did move on.  
  
It had been so long since Chandler was here, in fact, that he practically felt like a stranger, and he didn't recognize some of the tenants that he passed by on the stairs. He wondered if Joey's new neighbors were really that bad, or if Joey was just prejudiced against them because he missed Chandler and Monica so much. Would it be rude to knock on the door and ask to meet them?  
  
Before Chandler could decide, Joey spotted him through the peep hole and opened the door, instantly pulling his best friend into his apartment and giving him another hug that must have lasted a full minute.  
  
Chandler chuckled with amusement at this warm welcome. "Joey, we just saw each other last weekend!" Joey had visited them in Westchester for the sixth weekend in the row.  
  
"I know," Joey said, but still held onto him firmly, savoring the fact that Chandler had finally come home. If only it was permanently. "Are you gonna stay the night? I got your old room ready for you." He'd had it ready for months now, waiting for Chandler to come visit, like he'd promised to do.  
  
"Uh, no I can't, Joe," he replied apologetically. "I just wanted to drop by for a little while and maybe see Ross and Rachel too before I catch the train home."  
  
"Oh. Okay. Maybe some other time." Joey sighed, but he would take what he could get.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Another time, Joe." He finally pulled out of Joey's embrace and went over to greet Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. "Hey, guys! Awww. Yes, you do look much cuter than your baby pictures."  
  
Joey smiled as he watched Chandler laughing and petting the birds. Maybe he was just feeling overly sentimental and clingy due to lack of sleep, but it was good to have Chandler here at last. Weekdays was when he missed Chandler the most, and often, instead of rehearsing his lines as Dr. Drake Ramoray, Joey would sit around wondering whether he should call Westchester, or if Monica and Chandler would again be too busy with the twins to even pick up the phone.  
  
Putting his arm around Chandler, Joey asked, "Hey, you wanna play video games with me? I just bought a new Xbox game."  
  
"Oh, cool! Yeah."  
  
So Joey showed him the new game and they played a few rounds together. Then they had a few beers and snacks while they chatted.  
  
Chandler really enjoyed getting caught up in Joey's world once again, but after a while, he glanced at the clock and realized how long he had stayed away from home. By now, Monica would surely be going nuts with the mess and the twins again, and if he didn't hurry up, he wouldn't have time to see Ross and Rachel tonight as well.  
  
So Chandler got serious at last and with lots of awkward stammering, he asked Joey for that loan.  
  
Joey looked concerned and sat closer to him on the couch. "You're having money trouble again? What's wrong?" He wasn't used to Chandler being hard up for cash; Chandler was the responsible one, and besides, he had a paying job now. Joey had wished for it on lottery night.  
  
Chandler shrugged and cleared his throat, staring at the floor in embarrassment. "Oh, it's--it's nothing, Joe. It's just temporary. We just, uh, we just have so much to pay for right now, you know, what with the adoption fees, the house, the furniture, and the daycare... Not to mention that we only planned for one baby, but ended up with two. So if you could just give us another loan, please, we'd really appreciate it. I'll pay you back when I get another promotion."  
  
"Nah, that's okay," Joey said, well aware that he'd never paid Chandler back for everything he owed. Looking for his checkbook, Joey was about to ask how much money they needed, but he stopped when a selfish impulse struck him. He saw an opportunity that he simply couldn't pass up, and the beers that he'd consumed made him bold, so he took a shot. "Wow, uh, so that's a whole lot of bills," Joey remarked. "Man, that sounds pretty bad, Chandler. Yeah, it sounds like when I moved uptown, you know, and I bought all that furniture and art that I couldn't really afford." Almost all of the contents of Casa de Joey got repossessed when he couldn't pay for them. "Maybe you shouldn't have bought that house after all, huh?"  
  
"What?" Chandler finally looked up and stared at Joey in disbelief. He didn't expect Joey to be so unsupportive.  
  
Already on a roll, Joey sat up and insisted with renewed hope, "Yeah, yeah! So you should sell that place, you know, before they foreclose on you, like they did on the last guy. And hey, maybe--maybe you guys can move in here with me, huh? Wouldn't that be great?" Surely Chandler would want to come back, just like Joey had been glad to come home after kicking Eddie out.  
  
But Chandler disagreed. "Joey, no, we already talked about that, and Monica doesn't want to move back to the city."  
  
Joey pouted. "Come on, please! Just think about it, Chandler. I mean, you can't afford that place, and it's not right for you, and it makes Monica all stir-crazy and obsessive. So you should leave it, and come back here where everything's better. Yeah, tell her to stop freaking out about failing over there. She's not a housewife, and it's just some stupid house in the stupid suburbs!"  
  
"Joey!" Chandler scolded him. "Stop it!"  
  
"But--"  
  
"No! Come on, I thought you were over this by now, Joe. Everyone else is. Why can't you just accept that we're staying put? It's our home now."  
  
"No, it's not!" Joey got up and paced around the room, gesturing wildly. "This is your home, Chandler! This place, not Westchester! You guys belong here with us in the city. Ross and Rachel didn't move to Scarsdale just 'cause they had a baby! We didn't move to a farm just because we got a chick and a duck! Most of my family didn't move far from our old neighborhood in Queens, and they've had hundreds of kids!"  
  
Chandler tried to reason with him. "Sure, but that's your family, Joe, not ours. We want different things--"  
  
"No! No!" Joey shook his head vehemently and stomped his foot. "When you and Mon first started trying to get pregnant, you told us all that you were gonna stay here." He pointed to the other apartment. "You were gonna make the guest room into a nursery, and Emma was gonna have a little cousin to grow up with. That was how it was gonna be! You even told that adoption agency lady too that you wanted to stay here, when she did that home study, and I made up all that stuff to get her to approve you guys, you know?" Joey grew even more angry and resentful when remembering that. "But I guess I shouldn't have bothered, huh?! 'Cause all of a sudden, we found out that you've been lying to us and sneaking around, trying to buy a house behind our backs. You just sprang it on us out of the blue, and it didn't even have anything to do with Erica having twins, 'cause you didn't know about that yet. You just couldn't wait to get away from all of us, could you?" he accused.  
  
"Joe, Joe!" Chandler took him by the arm and made him sit down again. He spoke as soothingly as he could, "We just changed our minds, that's all. Yeah, we did think about staying in the apartment at first, but then we decided that we didn't want to wait until later to get a house. We wanted to move to a nice, safe place outside the city, you know? Where our kids can ride their bikes and have a yard..."  
  
Joey snorted disdainfully, not feeling at all wistful and sentimental about this white-picket-fence life that Chandler described. Joey essentially agreed with Ross, who had remarked that this vision of the suburbs seemed like a house in the 1950s, too idealized to be real. Besides, it wasn't like the twins were gonna be riding bikes for many years yet. What was the rush to leave the city now?  
  
Joey pulled his arm out of Chandler's grasp and pouted, not feeling any calmer. "You just wanna leave us, 'cause we're not good enough for you anymore. You're nothing but a big leaver!" He shoved Chandler and turned away from him, almost crying like he did when Chandler first left for Tulsa.  
  
(Sure, Chandler was only going to be gone for four days a week, but it was still hard for Joey to see him go. And there was always the possibility that Chandler might like Tulsa, and that Monica might eventually move to Tulsa too, or maybe Dallas with all its restaurants, to join him. Then they'd be gone for good.)  
  
"Joey," Chandler hugged him and tried to reassure him. "It's not you guys. It's not. We've just come to a place in our lives where we have to move on, Joe. Please try to be happy for us, and just keep visiting us, you know, if it makes you feel better."  
  
"It's--it's not gonna do any good," Joey sniffled and shook his head. "You'll just keep phasing me out. Like you've been doing for years already." He didn't want to become just another Kip, gone and forgotten.  
  
"What are you talking about? We're not phasing you out, Joe!"  
  
"You are!" He could no longer hide his tears, because it hurt too much. "You and me used to hang out every day, but not anymore. Not for a long time now. You even double dated with your boss Doug and his wife for a while, like you were that desperate for obnoxious new friends. And like, when me and Janine double dated with you guys, Monica said you guys are always looking for another couple to go out with. And on your honeymoon, you forgot all about us back home, and you kept talking about that dumb Greg and Jenny, like they were your best friends, when you just met them! What's up with that, huh? Then Phoebe married Mike, and you were all excited, like 'Ooh, another married couple to hang out with!' What's next, you gonna start looking for married couples with kids? You gonna talk Ross and Rachel into getting married and moving to Scarsdale? You gonna go hang out with Frank and Alice, huh?"  
  
"Joey, just because we see other people doesn't mean that we're trying to get rid of you. We love you. It's just what happens when you get older, and you settle down. You look for couples that you have stuff in common with, and who can relate to your life. You're still my best friend, Joe, but you're just living a totally different life to us now. We're not carefree and single anymore."  
  
Joey shrugged and wiped his tears on his sleeve. "I know, but it's not like I never tried to settle down, Chandler. I did, but it never works out with girls. Maybe it's just not meant for me." He had come to this conclusion after ten years of romantic failures. Ursula had stopped calling him after they had sex, Kate had left for L.A., the girls that he tried to become friends with immediately slept with him, Janine hadn't got along with Monica and Chandler, Erin didn't want to get serious, Rachel had rejected him at first, Charlie had dumped him for Ross, and Rachel slapped him around and ultimately settled down with Ross again. It surprised Joey that it was so hard for him to keep a girl when he really liked her, and he found it rather embarrassing and disheartening.  
  
Chandler patted his back sympathetically. "It's okay. You don't have to be in a couple, Joe. I still wanna see you no matter what."  
  
"Then how come it took you until tonight to come visit me? Once in three months! And it wasn't even to see me, was it? It was just to ask for the money."  
  
Chandler was shocked that Joey would think like that. "No, no! It's not--"  
  
Joey cut him off skeptically. "You always say you'll make time for me, but you don't. I'm still the one who has to call and make plans and visit. I mean, you might as well have moved to Tulsa, for all I see you!"  
  
"Joey! I can't help that. It's work, and the twins, and the commute."  
  
"But you wouldn't have the commute if you'd move back!" Joey argued. "And I'd help you with the twins." Thinking of Tulsa, Joey got another idea, and he pointed out, "Hey, you changed your mind about Tulsa and quit, remember? You came home." Joey had convinced himself that Chandler had come home for him, despite what he said to Monica that Christmas. He was sure that the "Christmas miracle" had been meant for him, just as his wish on lottery night had been meant for Chandler.  
  
"Yeah, but I hated that job, and they forced me to move. I never should have gone in the first place."  
  
"Right, and you never should have gone to Westchester, either. So why can't you change your mind about this too, huh?" Joey grasped his friend's hands and pleaded, "Just come back, Chandler. Come home. I'll make room for you guys here, or we can see if there's some other apartment in the area--"  
  
Chandler shook his head and sighed in frustration. "Joey, I told you--"  
  
"Don't you miss me?" he interrupted, crying again. "How come you never miss me like I miss you? I thought we were best friends! Forever."  
  
"We are, Joe, and I do miss you, but it's complicated. I mean, we hardly see any of the old gang lately. Everyone's too busy with their lives, and Monica's all tense about the house being too messy for company, you know."  
  
"That's what I mean! You don't need that house. It's too much trouble. It's just a stupid--"  
  
"Joey, stop it!" Chandler shook him by the arms. "You have to let this go now. You have to let go."  
  
"I-I can't." Joey gulped and got very quiet. He glanced sadly at the birds, and at the Laurel and Hardy poster on the wall, and finally at Chandler's old room, kept empty and waiting for him all this time. Joey had been so lonely for the past three months, and he kept remembering all the good times that he and Chandler used to have as roommates. Joey wished that things could just go back to the way they used to be, or at least the way that Monica and Chandler had said that things would be, up until they abruptly bought that house.  
  
Hoping it would cheer Joey up, Chandler patted his shoulder and suggested, "Listen, why don't you get a new roommate or something?"  
  
That was not the right thing to say. "Yeah, and then you'll get a new best friend and forget all about me!" Joey angrily shoved him away again.  
  
"Joey, you've had other roommates since me."  
  
"Yeah, and look how that worked out!" Not one, but two failed romances.  
  
Chandler shrugged. "Then get a guy roommate, maybe."  
  
Joey shook his head. He didn't want some mere substitute for Chandler, nor did he want to imagine Chandler and Monica becoming close friends with all their neighbors in Westchester. All the suburban couples with kids. If Joey got jealous of them, he'd no doubt be told to let go and move on again. And they'd just keep leaving him behind.  
  
"It's not fair!" he pouted miserably. "I-I tried to accept you in Westchester. I tried to see you all the time and make it work, you know, but you never tried back. You never did!"  
  
Chandler started to protest, but Joey turned and grabbed his shoulders roughly, looking into his eyes as he begged, "Just come home, Chandler. Please! Please. I miss you. I--" He broke down into tears and cried on Chandler's shoulder, clinging to him desperately. "I-I don't wanna lose you."  
  
Chandler frowned and couldn't understand why Joey seriously thought that their friendship was in any danger. That if Chandler stayed in Westchester, the mere distance would break their bond. How could he be so insecure about them, after all these years?  
  
"You won't lose me, Joe." Chandler embraced him and stroked Joey's hair comfortingly. "You won't." He'd never seen Joey so upset, and it struck a chord in him, reminding him of how sad it was when he moved away from Joey the first time. It was the end of an era. "Don't you understand? This is only temporary. It won't be so bad when the kids are older, and we have more time and money. We'll figure everything out, and I promise you, you'll always be in our lives. You'll always--" Then Chandler remembered his old idea of Joey living in an apartment over their garage and growing old with them. He smiled and suggested, "Joe? Joe, um, why don't you move in with us?"  
  
Joey's tears finally subsided, and he looked up, not sure if he had heard Chandler correctly. "What?"  
  
Chandler nodded and grew excited about the idea. Yeah, why wait a few years to ask Joey this question? Why not make this offer now? "Come live with us in Westchester. Yeah, you could move into your room for good and not have to keep going back and forth every weekend. You can bring all your furniture and stuff, and help us pay the bills. You can raid our fridge and babysit the twins. And you and me, we can hang out all the time, like we used to."  
  
Joey blinked and realized that Chandler was serious. "Really? Move into your house? But what about my job?"  
  
"Well, you and me can commute to Manhattan together every day, and we can rehearse your lines and everything. It'll be great."  
  
Joey smiled happily and impulsively kissed his cheek. "Oh, oh! What about the birds? Can I bring them?"  
  
Chandler bit his lip and recalled his wife's hatred for the original chick and duck. "Uh, well, I'll have to work something out with Monica, I guess. Maybe you can build a chicken coop out in the backyard, as long as we make sure to clean up after them."  
  
"Yeah, yeah!" Joey liked that idea. "And we can get a new foosball table too!"  
  
"Of course!" Chandler laughed and hugged him warmly.  
  
Overcome with joy, Joey grabbed Chandler's face and started kissing him all over. Chandler blushed, but didn't push him away, knowing Joey's Italian, overly affectionate nature.  
  
As he kept showering Chandler with kisses, Joey didn't realize that his aim was slightly off, due to alcohol, so he accidentally kissed Chandler on the lips. It was an easy enough mistake, much like their other brief kiss at a New Year's party years ago. But without thinking, Chandler closed his eyes and kissed him back, brushing their lips against each other softly. Closing his eyes too, Joey sighed and pulled him closer, parting Chandler's lips this time. They sank into a deep, wet kiss, even moaning in pleasure.  
  
But then Chandler broke it off and jumped back when he realized that he was running his fingers through short hair. Joey's hair. Not Monica's hair. "Wait, wait! Wh-wh-what are we--? Oh my God, oh my god!"  
  
Stunned and wide-eyed too, Joey stammered nervously, "I-I-I'm sorry, Chandler. I don't know what I was doing. I just, um..." Joey could hardly believe it. He'd just kissed his best friend. Kissed him and liked it.  
  
Chandler gulped and got up from the couch, stumbling backwards to the front door. "I-I-I didn't--I'm not gay! I just--I haven't got a lot of sleep lately, and I-I had too many beers tonight..."  
  
Joey nodded and cleared his throat. "Yeah, yeah! Me too."  
  
Chandler opened the door and exited, feeling too upset and panicky to say anything further. He just wandered down the stairs in a daze.  
  
Left alone, Joey remained deeply confused and troubled by their passionate kiss. Meanwhile, Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. chirped and waddled around innocently, but he imagined that they were staring at him accusingly. "What are you looking at?" he spoke defensively, then got up and hid in his bedroom. 


	4. Too Many Fantasies

[Sorry, but no, this story is not for Mondler fans (nor for Phoebe/Mike fans). If anybody's read my profile, you'll know that I'm fiercely anti-Mondler, and I hate what's become of their characters since they got together. I know it may not seem appropriate or even moral of me to write about the breakup of a family, but I wrote this story as a way to cheer myself up and combat the defeatist attitude that some Joey/Chandler fans have expressed of "It's too late now. They have their happy ending in Westchester."  
  
Well, that was not a happy ending to me; that was a sick joke, a pile of garbage and sentimentality. It was painfully sappy treacle that will all come undone, like in Phoebe's prediction of them divorcing in seven years. Well, I can't wait seven years, and I do think it will be easier on the twins if they aren't old enough yet to have to deal with trauma of the divorce. Ben turned out much better than Chandler did after his parents split up, and you can see that I've revisited this idea in many stories, from TOW All The Lobsters to Home Wrecker. I think it's harder for children to suffer for years through their parents' unhappy marriage than to see their parents split and finally move on.  
  
As for this name dispute, I view Chandler's words as bitter defeat, like "Well, my wife clearly has no respect for me, or my name. I might as well go jump in a lake and give into her again." I have no problem with her keeping her maiden name in principle, if she just didn't lie about it and belittle him in the process. To me, she's lied and eroded his self-esteem so much that it's disgusting.]  
  
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Not surprisingly, Chandler forgot all about visiting Ross and Rachel that night. He just got on the next train bound for Westchester and took a seat numbly. He brooded the whole way back and almost missed his stop due to his distraction. Chandler shivered at the memory of that hot kiss with Joey, and some part of him yearned to go back to Joey's apartment and kiss him again. But no, no! He wasn't gay! He couldn't be. He was married and he had two kids. That made Chandler groan with guilt, and he had no idea how he'd face Monica tonight.  
  
Chandler shook his head and couldn't understand how things had got out of control like that. He had just asked Joey to move in with him, that's all. He just wanted to live with Joey again, and be close to him, and grow old with him, and raise the birds together, and the kids, and...  
  
"Oh, crap!" Chandler startled the other train passengers nearby, who all turned and looked at him oddly. He avoided their eyes, then swore under his breath and put his head down in his hands. He was in love with Joey. God, how could he be so blind? No wonder he'd kissed Joey tonight. Why didn't I just get down on one knee and propose, for crying out loud?  
  
With a grimace, Chandler vividly remembered the other night when he had wrestled with Joey on his bed. If they'd been drunk enough that time, Chandler might have said, "I love you" instead of "I miss you" and kissed him then. Oh God, he thought, I've turned into my father. My freaking father! He'd managed to forgive his father in some ways, since he married Monica, but still, becoming a drag queen in Vegas was the last thing that he wanted right now.  
  
So Chandler gulped back his tears and struggled to pull himself together. He decided that he wasn't going to abandon his wife and kids like his father had done. He would just bury his feelings about Joey, pretend that the kiss had never happened, and go on with his life. He realized that he shouldn't see Joey anymore now, much less live out that fantasy of having Joey move in with them, but it was a sacrifice that he had to make. He had to be strong and mature. He had to let go, no matter how much it hurt. That was easier said than done, of course.  
  
When the train finally stopped in Westchester, at the nearest station to his home, Chandler reluctantly got off, then hurried into the nearest bathroom, still avoiding the eyes of passersby. He sat down in a stall and cried for what must have been an hour before he could finally collect himself. He washed his face, stared in the mirror, and took several deep breaths, hoping that Monica wouldn't notice that anything was wrong with him. Surely she wouldn't suspect?   
  
Finally, when he could do no more, Chandler went home, still wracked with guilt and misery, but hiding it as much as he could. However, when he walked in the door of the house, Monica jumped on him impatiently and startled him.  
  
"Chandler! What took you so long?" The house was a mess again, and she was exhausted from not having his help with the twins this evening. "Did he give you the check yet?"  
  
"Check?" He blinked in confusion.  
  
"The loan. Didn't you ask Joey for the loan yet?"  
  
"Oh." He'd forgotten all about that during his crisis. "Uh, um, I..."  
  
Monica was annoyed and put down Erica next to Jack in the playpen. "Don't tell me you chickened out? Ugh! I should have known you couldn't handle it, Chandler. You went out with your ex-girlfriend twice before you asked her for that audition for Joey." She was referring to Dana Keystone, a girl that Chandler had dated once in college.  
  
Chandler winced at the reminder, and grew uncomfortable with the implied comparison of Joey to Dana. "I did ask him! I did."  
  
"Then where's the check?" she asked again, folding her arms skeptically. Perhaps he was just trying not to get into trouble, and she'd have to call up Joey herself. Really, Chandler could be such a baby about some things!  
  
"Well, I-I--" he stammered, then finally told her part of the truth, "He didn't want to give me the check."  
  
"What?" she gasped in shock and sat down on the couch. She'd never expected Joey to say no, in their time of need.  
  
Chandler stared at his feet and said, "He said, he said that we couldn't afford to live in Westchester and that we should move back to the city with him."  
  
"What?! You mean he's still on about that 'stupid house in the stupid suburbs' stuff?"  
  
Chandler nodded and sighed sadly. "He just--he just misses me." He cleared his throat hastily. "I mean, he misses both of us."  
  
Monica was outraged. "Some friend he is! That's blackmail. I can't believe he's being so selfish! Where's that damn phone?" She got up and searched in the cluttered living room for the telephone, throwing things about in her anger at both Joey and the mess.  
  
"No, no!" Chandler stopped her, not wanting her to call Joey. "No, don't talk to him. We--we won't talk to him anymore. We won't let him come visit, either. That's it." He gulped and tried to be firm in his resolve, despite his heartache. "It's over now."  
  
Monica was surprised that Chandler would go so far. "What? But he's your friend."  
  
Chandler turned and knelt in front of the babies, caressing their cheeks softly. He whispered, "Not anymore."  
  
Monica stared at him, wondering how Chandler could be so calm about that. But Chandler was hours late, so maybe he and Joey had already had a big, long fight about this. So she sat down on the couch again and sighed, trying to be optimistic. "Well... well, maybe he'll learn his lesson and apologize to us later, Chandler. Yeah, if we give him the silent treatment for a while, then he'll eventually come around."  
  
"He won't," Chandler told her definitively. "I won't."  
  
She frowned and wondered why he was acting so strangely, but his face was unreadable. She changed the subject. "I just don't know what we're gonna do, though, about these bills. How are we gonna pay them now, plus the day care next month? Ugh, will I have to take back some of the furniture we bought? That's so humiliating!" She grumbled and looked at her half-finished house unhappily.  
  
Chandler thought about this dilemma and held the twins close in his arms. Then he finally suggested, "Why don't you ask your parents for a loan?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Or make them sell that beach house and give us the money from it. They owe you, for spending your wedding fund, you know."  
  
She saw his point, but was surprised. "You sure about this, Chandler? But I thought you were too proud to borrow money from my parents?" At least, that was what he had said before.  
  
"I-I changed my mind. 'Stop being so stubborn and think about our babies.'" Yeah, he had to keep thinking out their babies, or he'd be a mess right now, miserable and brokenhearted over Joey.  
  
She smiled, glad that her words had sunk in so well. Nagging works. "That's right! Okay, so I guess we'll get a loan from my parents. Do you mind staying home with the babies tomorrow night, so I can go see my parents?"  
  
"That's fine. I'll--I'll come home early."  
  
"Good! Thanks." Then she got up and went around cleaning up the house once more, fantasizing about the day when it would be complete and perfect at last.  
  
So Chandler took the babies upstairs and watched them until they fell asleep. He tried his best not to think about Joey, but it was hard, especially since his kids were wearing clothes that Joey had bought for them, and playing with toys that Joey had brought on his weekend visits. He could hardly bear it, and was unresponsive to anything else that Monica said to him.  
  
In bed that night, Chandler remained restless while he lay there next to Monica. She was too tired for sex, and quickly drifted off to sleep, leaving him alone and awake with his thoughts. Against his will, he found himself fantasizing again about Joey, remembering his kiss and the way it felt to imagine them living together for the rest of their lives.  
  
Chandler got up many times and went into the bathroom to stare in the mirror again and berate himself for his inappropriate feelings, when he had a wife and family. In frustration, he even went into Joey's room, tempted to break everything in there and throw it out so that he could forget all about Joey. But then he saw the two foosball players on the nightstand.  
  
He picked them up and sat on the bed, remembering what Joey had said, that "They should always be together." That was what Joey had been trying to say for the past few months, whenever he nagged Chandler about visiting him in New York. He realized now why Joey was having such a hard time letting him go, and why he always looked so disappointed whenever Chandler made another excuse about being too busy at home. Maybe Joey always had some private fantasy about being close to Chandler forever too. It hurt so much to realize that they wouldn't have that now. They couldn't.  
  
Clutching the foosball players, Chandler broke down again and collapsed on the bed, sobbing wretchedly into the pillows.  
  
By early morning, when Monica woke up to feed the babies again, she realized that Chandler was missing, and searched the house for him. To her relief, she found him curled up in Joey's bed, evidently having cried himself to sleep. She figured that he was upset about their fight and was just missing Joey, so she left him sleeping. Not realizing the seriousness of the situation, she just hoped that Joey would come to his senses soon, and they would make up again.  
  
Meanwhile, the fights between Phoebe and Mike worsened. She was having major issues with trusting him lately, and she even brought up old things, like his treatment of his ex-girlfriend Precious, to attack him.  
  
"You'd been going out with her for three months, yet you didn't mention her to me the whole weekend in Barbados, even though you proposed to me! And then you broke up with her on her birthday. Actually, I had to do that for you!"  
  
Mike thought this was unreasonable, for her to throw this incident in his face. He protested that she didn't have a problem with this at the time.  
  
She countered that she was blind with love then, but now she was seeing a whole pattern of him being a deceptive jerk.  
  
"Hey!" Their fights became increasingly bitter, and she also accused him of not respecting her beliefs in psychics, past lives, etc.  
  
He retorted that he tolerated a lot of her weirdness, and that she was being unfair and judgmental, just like his ex-wife. He muttered to himself that he knew he never should have married again.  
  
Phoebe began to agree, and so they finally agreed to divorce; it was the only thing they were agreeing upon lately. So he moved out and went to stay with his sister while they filed for divorce and fought over how to split up their belongings.  
  
Phoebe felt spiteful and went to retrieve the things that she had got rid of because of Mike. Beginning with Gladys, she went to Joey's place to ask for her handmade artwork back. He probably wouldn't want it, after all, given that Rachel had told him Gladys was haunted.  
  
But when she arrived at Joey's apartment, she found him moping and pouting on the bed in Chandler's old room.  
  
"Joey? What's wrong?"  
  
He was startled and pulled the covers over his head to hide remnants of his tears. "Nothing."  
  
"Come on, you've even got Hugsy with you. What's up?"  
  
He wouldn't answer her, so she sat on the bed and sighed, "Well, fine. I'll tell you my news, then. I'm changing my name again, Joey."  
  
"Huh?" He finally turned towards her, but kept Hugsy close to him.  
  
"Yep, no more Phoebe Hanigan. I've kicked him out," she snorted bitterly, "and I hope he changes his name to Crap Bag again. It's so appropriate!"  
  
He sat up and frowned. "Really? You're getting divorced?"  
  
She nodded and sighed. "Yeah, it was a mistake. You know, I think what Ross said about me never having a serious relationship must have freaked me out. I was so happy with my life before, but then I got all panicky about settling down with someone right away. I latched onto the first guy and built up these fantasies about marrying him and becoming a soccer mom with this normal life. I mean, I do want some normalcy and security after all these years, Joey, but I don't think he was the right guy at all. I shouldn't settle for Mike, just so I can keep up with Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel."  
  
Joey hugged her. "I'm sorry."  
  
"It's okay, Joey." She kissed his cheek fondly and tried to laugh. "So I guess it's just us single folks again, huh?"  
  
Joey sighed and nodded, depressed about being left behind again.  
  
"Hey, Joey," Phoebe smiled flirtatiously, "How you doin'?" She leaned in to kiss his lips, but he was startled and pulled away from her uncomfortably.  
  
He didn't want to cross that line again, not with another of his friends.  
  
Phoebe was disappointed, but she shrugged it off. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just latch onto you next, for marriage and commitment and all that. I just thought, maybe we could have a little fun together and cheer ourselves up for a while. But I guess not."  
  
Joey visibly relaxed and told her, "I'm sorry, Pheebs. It's not you. It's just..."  
  
She nodded and guessed, "You feel weird about it, after Rachel? Yeah, I understand. We've flirted for years, you know, but I guess it would feel weird for me too, after you've been with Ursula. It never really works out when I go after Ursula's exes." She reached out and offered to shake his hand. "Well, how about we just promise to stay just friends, then?"  
  
He agreed. "Yeah. Just friends." They shook on it and then hugged. "I love you, Pheebs."  
  
"I love you, too." She kissed his cheek with a smile, then sat back against the headboard. "So, you gonna tell me what's wrong or not?"  
  
Joey frowned and turned away, clutching Hugsy again.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
He shook his head. "I just--I just need to be alone right now."  
  
"All right, but if you change your mind and need to talk, just call me. Anytime." Then she got up from the bed and started to go. "Anyway, I'm gonna take Gladys, and then go tell Ross and Rachel about my divorce. Maybe they can recommend a lawyer or something."  
  
"Yeah. Bye."  
  
"Bye, Joey." 


	5. Keeping Up Appearances

At work, Chandler tried his best not to think about Joey, but he remained troubled and easily distracted. Sitting in a meeting with his boss Steve and other bigwigs at the advertising agency, he couldn't help noticing that one of the people speaking was named Joe something, and the ad campaign under discussion was for a new sandwich at a fast food chain, which reminded him of Joey's love of sandwiches. Chandler's mind soon wandered off from the meeting, and he fixated again on the memory of kissing Joey last night. On his writing pad, where he was supposed to be taking notes and brainstorming ideas for the campaign, he instead absently scribbled Joey's name over and over.  
  
"So what do you think, Chandler?" Steve asked him suddenly.  
  
"What? Huh?" Realizing that he'd spaced out, Chandler blushed and felt everyone glaring at him. He might have tried to bluff his way out of the predicament, but he remembered the disastrous results when he fell asleep in a work meeting and inadvertently agreed to move to Tulsa. "Uh, I'm--I'm sorry." He cleared his throat nervously and stammered, "I didn't hear... I mean, I'm, uh, sleepy. Another late night with the twins, you know?"  
  
"I see." Steve was annoyed, but he cut Chandler some slack, given his domestic situation. "Well, try drinking more coffee before meetings, and don't let it happen again. We need everybody to be sharp on our team."  
  
"Yes, sir." Chandler nodded and strove to pay more attention as Steve moved on to someone else for comment. He knew that Steve generally liked him and had recommended him for the job of junior copywriter after his internship, but Steve could only grant him so much leeway before he would have to stop being a nice guy. This agency was no place to goof off and evade work, like at his old job in data processing. Chandler was starting over in a new career and he had to prove himself.  
  
After the meeting concluded and everyone dispersed from the conference room, Chandler returned to his cubicle to get back to work. But then he spotted an envelope lying on his desk, with his name "Chandler Bing" written on it. He recognized it as Joey's handwriting and felt a chill run down his spine.  
  
Chandler gulped and glanced around the office anxiously, wondering if Joey was anywhere in sight. Joey wasn't, but a mail clerk was passing by, so Chandler asked him who delivered this envelope, which had no address or stamp on it. The clerk replied that some guy had left the envelope with the receptionist in the lobby, and that the receptionist asked the mail clerk to deliver it to Chandler's cubicle.  
  
"Oh. Thanks." As the mail clerk moved on with his cart, Chandler slowly sat down in his chair and stared at the envelope as if it were a ticking bomb. His throat felt dry, and he even considered throwing the envelope away, given his decision to have nothing to do with Joey anymore. But curiosity got the better of him, and he finally opened the envelope.  
  
Inside, there was a check for $2000, along with a note from Joey.  
  
"Chandler,  
  
Look, I'm really sorry about last night. I don't know what got into me. I guess it was just the beers we had and not getting enough sleep, like you said. I get kinda carried away sometimes when I'm drunk, and besides, I was all excited and hugging you because I was so happy about getting to move in with you. It's been a long time since we lived together, you know, and I miss you so much.  
  
Anyway, I guess things are too weird right now for me to move in with you, or even for me to come by for a visit this weekend. I hope I didn't freak you out too much, and that you can forgive me. I'm really sorry, Chandler. Call me when you feel okay about seeing each other again, alright? Oh, and I remembered how you said that you and Mon need some money now, so I wrote you this check. Let me know if it's not enough, and I'll send you some more.  
  
Joey"  
  
Chandler was touched by this gesture, especially given how much Joey had tried to convince him to give up the house in the suburbs. He almost picked up the phone on his desk so he could thank Joey, but then he realized what a bad idea that was. If he called, Joey would think that Chandler wanted to see him again, or at least wanted more money. Also, just hearing Joey's voice would be a big temptation, probably stirring up memories of their kisses and making Chandler fall even deeper in love than he was now. It certainly wouldn't help him to stop missing Joey and move on from him. So Chandler let go of the phone.  
  
But he bit his lip and wondered what he should do about Joey's check, in that case. Call Monica and tell her that she didn't need to get a loan from her parents, because Joey had changed his mind? But then Monica would expect Chandler to forgive Joey and make up with him, wouldn't she? They'd have to see each other again, unless he could come up with a better lie.  
  
While Chandler still stared indecisively at the check, his phone rang and startled him. He faltered and was too stunned to answer it, until his co-workers in neighboring cubicles peeked in at him, wondering if he'd spaced out again or fallen asleep.  
  
Chandler avoided their eyes and finally picked up the receiver, hoping that his voice didn't sound too strained and weird. Surprised to hear Phoebe greeting him, he replied awkwardly, "Oh, Pheebs. It's you. H-h-hello."  
  
Chandler's inquisitive co-workers retreated to their own cubicles.  
  
"Hi," she repeated, and noticed how distracted he sounded. "What's wrong? You busy doing some important advertising stuff?"  
  
"Uh, yeah." He reluctantly pushed the check aside on his desk and tried to focus on the conversation at hand. "I mean, no, I've got a minute. What's up?"  
  
"Well, I just called to tell you that it's over between me and Mike. We're getting a divorce."  
  
"What?!" Chandler sat up and couldn't believe this announcement.  
  
"Yeah, um, Mike's staying at his sister's now, and we're getting lawyers and everything." Phoebe even managed to laugh and joke. "So I'm on my way to catching up with Ross's record of divorces!"  
  
Chandler assumed that she was masking her pain and misery with humor, as he had so often done since his childhood. "Oh, that's terrible, Pheebs. Awful! I-I thought you guys were so happy together."  
  
"Yeah, well, not anymore." She sighed wearily. "It's just gone all floopy and chaotic and--ugh! Eh, let's not get into it. Anyway, I'm kind of glad it's over finally. At least we split up before we actually started a family or anything. Boy, that would have been a mistake!"  
  
Chandler grimaced and felt a sharp pang of guilt about the twins again. He had a wife and kids! He shouldn't be in love with Joey. He shouldn't be like his father. "Uh-huh."  
  
Phoebe added, "Anyway, I'm gonna try to call Monica at home too, but you guys hardly ever pick up the phone in Westchester, you know, so I may have to just leave a message on your answering machine again. Feel free to fill her in about the divorce when you get home tonight, or have her call me if she gets a minute. Okay, my next massage client is in like five minutes, so I gotta go now. Bye, and I'll talk to you and Mon later!"  
  
"Yeah. Bye."  
  
Chandler hung up the phone and picked up Joey's check again, feeling hopelessly torn. He tried to talk himself into ripping it up and throwing it away, but then he wondered whether he and Monica might still need the check, if the Gellers didn't come through with a loan. Monica had chickened out of asking her parents for money before, and the Gellers had thoughtlessly spent her wedding fund without telling her, after all. So Chandler stuffed the check and the note back into the envelope. Then he tossed the envelope into a desk drawer, telling himself that he was only keeping it, just in case.  
  
With an anguished sigh, Chandler finally got back to work and tried to catch up on his day's assignments. But his thoughts continually strayed to the envelope in his drawer, and he didn't ask himself why he kept the note, and not just the check alone. His heart couldn't bear to part with this last memento of Joey, just as it couldn't bear to let go of the foosball players in Joey's room.  
  
---  
  
When Monica called her parents to let them know that she was coming for a visit that evening, her mother was her usual critical self.  
  
"Just you, dear?" Judy Geller sounded unenthusiastic on the phone. "Why can't you bring our grandchildren along too? We haven't seen them in over a month!"  
  
Monica replied, "I'm sorry, but they aren't good with long car rides, mom. Remember how much they cried when we moved to Westchester? And they screamed both ways when we brought them to visit the last time, and then they were fussy all night."  
  
"It's probably because you don't hold the bottle right when you're feeding them," Judy blamed her. "It leaves them gassy, and you don't burp them well enough afterward."  
  
Monica grit her teeth and got defensive, "That's not true, mom! They're just fine when they're at home with me, and-and I've even been able to breastfeed them too."  
  
"Oh really? Well, it's nice that you keep us informed," she spoke sarcastically.  
  
Monica bit her fingernails and was reminded of just why she didn't like keeping her mother informed about Erica and Jack. Judy would inevitably nitpick and make even milestones and triumphs seem like failures. "I-I told Chandler to mention it, when he sent you the baby pictures."  
  
"Oh, those things," Judy responded dismissively. "Grandparents need more than just photos, dear. We need contact! We should be able to see them in person, and spend time with them, like we do with your brother's children. If you can't bring your babies to us, dear, the least you can do is invite us over to your house again. We can spend the night and leave the next day, since your father's not allowed to drive after dark anymore." She pointed out, "You haven't invited us over in three months!"  
  
"I-I know. I'm sorry, mom. We will definitely invite you again soon. It's just that we're busy right now..." Monica didn't dare let her mother see how untidy and unfinished the house was. The house had to be perfectly decorated and immaculate to meet Judy's approval. "And we need time to prepare a proper guest room for you."  
  
"Don't you have a room ready and waiting for Joey? He's not even related to you!"  
  
"Uh, yeah," she answered nervously. "But that's just because he's so attached to us, like--like family, and won't let go. I mean, he drops by every weekend, eats all our food, and messes up the house, let alone his room! He's a big overgrown kid, you know, and wants to visit us even more often than the birthmother does." She knew she was lying, and that Joey had actually been a great help around the house, but she needed an excuse to put off her mother from trying to visit. "I promise we'll invite you over once we get Joey to stop being so demanding on our time."  
  
"Well, you shouldn't have encouraged him with his own room. He's a grown man, and real family should come first."  
  
"Right, I know. It was Chandler's idea." Monica hurried to wrap up the conversation. "Anyway, tell dad that I'm coming to visit tonight, okay? I should be there around six, depending on the traffic."  
  
"Very well." Judy sighed, with an air of resignation.  
  
"All right, bye." Monica hung up the phone and groaned loudly to relieve her frustration. Then she went over to the playpen and picked up the babies again, to make herself feel better. At least babies gave unconditional love.  
  
After a moment, the phone rang, but Monica decided to let the answering machine get it, while she took the babies into a quieter room for another feeding. She rocked them and cuddled them, trying to relax and ignore how messy and incomplete her house was. Life in the suburbs would eventually get easier. Right?  
  
Later, when Monica checked the message on the machine, it turned out to be Phoebe announcing that she and Mike were getting divorced. Monica felt sorry for her, but a small, selfish part of her was also kind of pleased that someone else besides her was having trouble keeping up a perfect domestic life.  
  
---  
  
Phoebe left a quick message for Monica, then put away her cell phone into her purse. The massage chain had a policy against employees' cell phones ringing and disturbing the clients during massages, so Phoebe had to leave her phone in the silent mode and only check her messages at lunchtime, or in between massage clients.  
  
After she finished working that afternoon, Phoebe picked up Gladys from Joey's apartment, then informed Ross and Rachel about her divorce too. They were sad for her, but not very surprised, given all the fighting for the past couple of months. They hugged her supportively, and Ross gave her the number of his divorce lawyer.  
  
As she left, Phoebe asked them if they had any idea what was wrong with Joey; both Ross and Rachel said no, but promised to check in on Joey tonight and try to find out why he was upset and moping.  
  
When she finally returned home and hung Gladys on her wall again, Phoebe smiled and felt glad to finally have Mike out of the apartment at last. Things had just grown too bitter between them, and their constant fights left an oppressive air of negative energy all over the place. Now she felt free and refreshed, ready to start over.  
  
Being single again wasn't so bad, really, and Phoebe had numerous friends to comfort her and set her up on dates. She could also spend some free time babysitting the triplets for Frank and Alice, and maybe someday she would meet the right guy and have babies of her own too.  
  
Joey's rejection of her today had hurt somewhat, but she understood and sensed that something was seriously bothering him. She wondered what had happened, and hoped that she or their other friends could cheer him up somehow. Or maybe all he needed was just to visit Chandler again this weekend.  
  
---  
  
That evening, Chandler got home from work, desperately hoping that Monica wouldn't bring up Joey again and try to nag him into making up with him. He was too weary to fight.  
  
She didn't notice his dread and discomfort, though, simply shoving Jack and Erica into his arms. "Great! You watch them while I go get freshened up." Then she hurried upstairs to shower and change clothes, so that her parents wouldn't know just how disheveled and sweaty she got after a long day taking care of the babies.  
  
So Chandler watched the kids and brooded in silence.  
  
When Monica came downstairs, she grabbed her coat and put it on while telling Chandler that dinner was in the fridge for him to heat up. "And try to clean up around the house a little too."  
  
"Uh-huh," he muttered listlessly.  
  
She just grabbed her keys and hurried out the door.  
  
Then Monica got into the Porsche and started driving over to her parents' place. Jack and Judy Geller no longer lived at the old house in which Ross and Monica grew up, and Monica still missed the place somewhat. But at least she got proof of her parents' love when her dad gave her his beloved Porsche. That was why she hoped that she would be successful in asking them for a loan tonight. 


	6. What's In a Name?

[Thanks to everybody for the reviews and the encouragement to continue. Sorry for the long delay. Lacey, thanks for the story idea, though I'm currently trying to get caught up on older unfinished stories. If you can't wait for me to get around to writing that plot, please check out my story Something to Talk About, which takes place just after the Bullies incident, and if you enjoy that, don't forget to check out the two sequels to it, Our First Year and Happy Together.  
  
Now back to this story... Certain names in this chapter have a special significance, such as the surname "Frink," which comes from Professor Frink, a character on The Simpsons that is voiced by a certain Friends guest star. Hint, hint.  
  
Also, in the episode TOW Rosita Dies, Jack and Judy Geller sold their house, which was Monica and Ross's childhood home. I'm only guessing that the Gellers moved to Massapequa, just because they had their 35th anniversary party there. As for Jack being forceful sometimes, think of his argument with the Walthams in London, and Judy cooing, "Oh, Jack! Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be," before making out with him.]  
  
-  
  
-  
  
At close to six o'clock, Monica pulled her Porsche into the driveway of her parents' relatively new house in Massapequa. It was smaller than the old house, since they no longer had kids at home, and Jack no longer bothered to pretend that he was making use of the gym. The house was comfortable, though, and some of their friends and relatives conveniently lived nearby as well. Living in such quiet retirement, the Gellers surely didn't have any use for that old beach house anymore, and Monica hoped to convince them to sell it, then loan her and Chandler the money.  
  
As she got out of her car, her parents opened the front door and came out to greet her. Jack kissed her cheek and welcomed "our little Harmonica" affectionately, while Judy glanced critically at the Porsche.  
  
"You may be right, dear," she said. "It's not your bottle-feeding that's upsetting the babies. It's your driving and parking."  
  
Suppressing a groan, Monica ignored the dig and focused on her father's hug instead. Jack joked about his night-blindness, "At least she doesn't crash into nativity displays like me! Did I tell you? They thought it was a hate crime!"  
  
They went inside to have dinner, and Judy asked as she passed the bread, "So, tell us, Monica, how did you manage to get the babies to breastfeed?"  
  
Monica told them about it, but Judy was not impressed by the nursing device. "Oh, I thought you meant that you were really breastfeeding them, dear. It seems to me that you just wasted money on a fancy way of feeding them formula."  
  
Monica was hurt, and she protested that she felt closer to her babies, and that the nipple stimulation helped her to produce some milk of her own as well. "The doctors said that even a little breast milk is a good supplement for the babies."  
  
"Monica! Don't talk about your nipples in front of your father!"  
  
Jack was somewhat embarrassed, but shrugged it off goodnaturedly and reminded his wife, "You brought up breastfeeding in the first place, Judy. In the middle of dinner! Anyway, can we talk about something else? How are the babies now?"  
  
Monica happily told them cute, entertaining stories about Jack and Erica, and how much she loved them. (She avoided mentioning anything unpleasant about motherhood, like how tired and overwhelmed she could feel sometimes, especially when Chandler was away at work. She didn't want to give her mother fodder.) Monica's only complaint was that soon she would not be able to stay home with the twins anymore, because her maternity leave was ending. "So I'm trying to find a good daycare center or nanny in Westchester, you know, but all the ones with good references seem to be very expensive."  
  
Jack remarked that everything was expensive lately, and gave examples. Judy commented, "In our day, women stayed at home for at least a few years to take care of the kids. Not just months."  
  
Monica nodded. "I know, but that's not a luxury I can afford right now, mom. Besides, I promised Javu that I'd be back at the restaurant soon, so he wouldn't need that fill-in head chef for too long."  
  
"If only you'd been more successful in your career sooner," Judy lamented, "or if only you'd married younger and started a family before now, then you wouldn't have to juggle both at the same time."  
  
"Well, Chandler wasn't ready for a baby until recently, and we didn't know how hard it would be for us. Not everyone can have a miracle baby like you did."  
  
"That's true," Judy said, but soon launched on her favorite subject. "Speaking of your brother, I think I hear wedding bells for him and Rachel!"  
  
"What? They're not engaged."  
  
"Oh, but they might as well be! They are quite a loving, devoted family whenever we come to visit them. I think I'll have to get out Nana's wedding ring again, so that he can propose with it."  
  
"They've barely been back together for three months." Monica tried to discourage her mother and remind her of the last time she interfered, but Judy glossed over such difficulties, in her eagerness to help her favorite child achieve the perfect life. She also repeated her disapproval that Monica didn't let them visit the twins more often, and Monica in frustration agreed to drop off the twins at Ross and Rachel's apartment, next time that Judy and Jack came to visit Emma and/or Ben.  
  
"Thank you." Judy couldn't help but add, "And make sure you don't jolt them too much on the drive over. Or have Chandler drive for you."  
  
Monica bit her tongue and stabbed her fork into her potato. All through dinner, she tried to segue into a request for a loan, but between Judy's tendency to talk about Ross, and Jack's absent-minded rambles on various subjects, she couldn't get anywhere. After dinner, they cleared the dishes, then went into the den to have coffee and look through some photo albums. Monica gave them a few new baby pictures and pointed out photos of the old beach house, asking them if they still used it.  
  
"Oh, not much anymore. Sometimes we go there with the Blymens for vacation." Judy smiled and got an idea, "You know, Jack, we should lend the beach house to Ross and Rachel when they go on their honeymoon. Oh, why just lend it? Maybe it could even be a wedding gift!"  
  
Monica had enough of this. If anyone deserved that wedding gift, it was her and Chandler. Why must her parents continually lavish gifts on Ross, even paying for half of his wedding to Emily, yet they casually spent her wedding fund on a beach house when she was twenty-three? "Mom! They're not getting married! And even if they were, it's not fair, 'cause you never--!" Her voice went hypersonic, unfortunately, and rendered her complaints about their favoritism and her wedding fund unintelligible.  
  
Not that Judy would have listened. She was surprised and appalled by her daughter's outburst, telling Monica to calm down and act like a grown up. She was a woman of 35, after all.  
  
Monica got up and stormed out of the room. She even got her coat and ran outside, slamming the front door and going to the car with her keys. It was pointless to stay now, when she had made a scene. She would have to try asking them for a loan another time, or else try again to get the loan from Joey. Yeah, it might be less trouble to talk Joey into helping them and make Chandler make up with him.  
  
"Monica, wait!"  
  
She looked up and saw her father coming out of the house after her. He wasn't really sure what exactly had upset her, but he could see that it was serious, and that Judy's stern reaction hadn't helped.  
  
"Don't go, sweetie. Come here." He held out his arms to her, and she accepted the hug, clinging to him and crying like a little girl.  
  
"I'm sorry!" she moaned miserably.  
  
"No, I'm sorry." He patted her head and murmured gently, "Shh, it's okay. My little Harmonica."  
  
Judy had arrived at the door by now, and she wondered if Monica had explained herself yet. "Jack?"  
  
Monica noticeably cringed at the sound of her mother's voice, so Jack turned to his wife and said, "Judy, go inside."  
  
"But Jack--"  
  
He spoke more firmly, "Judy, please! Just give us a few minutes."  
  
Judy did admire it when Jack occasionally become forceful, because it made him so sexy, so she said, "All right" and obeyed.  
  
After Judy returned inside and shut the door, Monica relaxed, and Jack asked her, "Sweetie, can you tell me what happened now? Was it something about the beach house? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying close enough attention."  
  
Monica wiped her tears on the tissue that he gave her from his pocket, but as she started to explain things to him, she noticed that her mother was watching them through the front window. While it was natural for Judy to be curious, and she probably wouldn't be able to accurately lip-read much of their conversation, Monica still didn't like being within reach of Judy's disapproving glare, and besides, maybe the neighbors might see them too and be inquisitive.  
  
"Uh, dad, can we talk about this someplace private? Not in front of the neighbors or anybody?"  
  
"Sure, honey. Where? Maybe in the backyard or the guest room?"  
  
"How about we go for a ride in the car? I can drive us somewhere, like to the park."  
  
"All right, honey. Let me tell your mother first and get my coat, okay?"  
  
"Okay. Thanks, Dad."  
  
Monica got into the Porsche and waited, still dabbing her eyes occasionally. Then her father joined her and even brought her a box of tissues from the house.  
  
She smiled and thanked him, then started the car and backed up out of the driveway.  
  
Jack couldn't help admiring the Porsche as he fastened his seatbelt. "It's been awhile since I rode in this old girl. You've taken good care of her, sweetie."  
  
Monica was pleased, especially given how protective Jack had been of the car when he owned it. "And do you think that I drive it all right, Dad?"  
  
He nodded proudly as he observed her skills in action. "Yes, you're careful, just like I taught you." Then he realized her point and felt dense. "Oh. You're upset about your mother, aren't you? And how she criticized you tonight?" He had believed that his daughter was used to Judy's personality by now, and that it didn't bother her anymore, especially after the therapy with Dr. Weinberg in her youth, and the fact that Monica no longer felt the need to over-eat to compensate for the lack of love and approval.  
  
Monica nodded. "Yeah, that's part of it, Dad. And there's some other stuff that I'll tell you about when we get to the park."  
  
"Okay." He gave her directions to the park, and added, "I know your mother's hard on you, honey, but she doesn't really mean any harm. She loves you, and she gets a lot of that from her own mother criticizing her."  
  
"I know. I remember what Nana was like."  
  
Jack patted her knee paternally and remembered those early years. "Did I tell you that there was some disapproval from my side of the family too? They didn't want me to marry a shiksa, you know. It was a big thing back then." Shiksa was a disparaging term for a non-Jewish girl. "Judy felt like she had to work twice as hard to be accepted into the family, and she had to raise you guys perfectly to satisfy them. Finally I had to put my foot down and tell them all that we were gonna celebrate both Christmas and Hanakkuh, and they better stop complaining about it, or they wouldn't be invited for either!"  
  
"I don't remember that," Monica said, and Jack explained that it happened before Monica was born, and while Ross was still in diapers.  
  
They reminisced about holidays for a while, and when they arrived at the park, Monica pulled into a parking space and shut off the engine. Then they turned to each other and began to talk about what happened at the house. Jack offered her the tissues again, just in case she got weepy again.  
  
Taking a breath, Monica explained what upset her about the beach house. "It's just, Ross always gets the good stuff because he's Mom's miracle baby. What am I, chopped liver? And now she's even talking about giving him the beach house too, for some hypothetical marriage to Rachel. Just like that, never even thinking of whether I'd want it. Shouldn't that beach house belong to me and Chandler, anyway? You guys bought it with the money from my wedding fund."  
  
"Oh, you want the house? I'm sorry, dear. Okay, then I'll talk to your mother about it when we get back tonight."  
  
"Thank you, Dad. We really need it now."  
  
"Really? But I thought you wouldn't have any time to go on vacations right now, what with the twins, and you having to go back to work soon."  
  
"No, we can't go anywhere. We actually wanna sell it, because we need the money."  
  
"You need money?" He looked concerned and surprised. "What happened to your savings?"  
  
Biting her fingernails, she told him that they did have substantial savings once, but unexpected expenses had eaten into their bank account, starting with Chandler quitting his job and having an unpaid internship for a while, before getting an entry-level job that paid a mere fraction of his former salary. "And then with the adoption expenses, and us buying the house, and having two babies instead of one, we can't really keep any savings lately, and it's only gonna get worse when we have to pay for daycare next month."  
  
"Oh sweetheart, why didn't you tell me it was so bad?" He hugged her. "Of course you can have the house, and I'll even put you in touch with a real estate agent to help you sell it for a good price."  
  
Monica hugged him gratefully and confessed, "It's just, I was so scared to tell you, Dad, because I knew Mom would get all disapproving and say that I can't do anything right, and I'm a failure!" She broke down into tears again. "It's why I can't invite you over to Westchester, because I haven't bought enough furniture for it, and it's always a mess, and I can't make it perfect, and--" Her voice got hypersonic like before.  
  
Jack did his best to comfort her while absorbing this surprising information. "Oh, my little Harmonica! Shh, shh! It's okay, honey. It's okay. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just like I told your mother years ago--it doesn't have to be perfect, just happy. You're just going through a rough spot like everybody does at one time or another." He caressed her cheek and met her eyes reassuringly. "And don't you worry about your mother giving you a hard time. I'll have a talk with her--"  
  
"No, no! Don't tell her!" Monica pleaded. "Please. I don't want her to know."  
  
"Monica, I can handle her. I'll make sure your mother knows that I won't let her say that kind of stuff about this."  
  
She insisted, "But I really--I really don't want her to know. To even think it. Please, Dad." After tonight's events, she was sure that she couldn't take even the nonverbal criticism of her mother's eyes. "At least don't tell her how bad the house is. You know her."  
  
"I know." He sighed. "All right, I promise. I'll just say, we're giving you the beach house because it's only fair; it came from your wedding fund. We spoil Ross too much, anyway. Besides, Rachel can get houses and ski cabins and whatever from her rich family, so it's not like they'll miss out on anything."  
  
"Thank you. I love you, Dad."  
  
"I love you too." He smiled and kissed her cheek. "But look, do you need a loan right away? Should I write you a check to tide you over?"  
  
She nodded and told him how much they needed. "If Mom asks you what it's for, can you say that it's some kind of... advance deposit for me to sign up with a daycare company, or something? I mean, she shouldn't miss the money for long, because we'll pay you back as soon as the house is sold, or Chandler gets a promotion."  
  
"No, no, keep it, honey. It's the wedding gift that we should have got you. I can tell Judy that I'm buying Chandler a membership in my gym, I guess." As he wrote the check and handed it to her, he got an idea. "Oh, listen, if you need more money than this, how about you sell the Porsche?"  
  
"The Porsche?"  
  
"Sure. I mean, the insurance payments on this thing are very high, and with you having the twins, it's probably better for you guys to have a more practical car now. You know, something safe and fuel efficient, like a Volvo. Or something to haul around the kids and the groceries, like an SUV. Those things are all over the place!"  
  
"Oh. I hadn't thought about that." Monica almost didn't want to part with the sportscar, really, because it meant so much to her, as a gift from her father, and a symbol of his love.  
  
Jack told her, "You should be able to get a good trade-in value on this Porsche, and I'll help you haggle the price with the dealer. Or maybe I can get something good second-hand from one of your aunts or cousins. I'll ask around." He squeezed his daughter's hands encouragingly, "Don't you worry, honey. You'll get through this just fine."  
  
"Okay." Monica decided that she wouldn't miss this car so much, if her father helped her get a new one; then that new car would be a gift from him too. "Thanks, Dad. I really appreciate it. If there's anything I can ever do for you, like a free dinner at Javu's--"  
  
"Oh, you don't have to--" But then he got an idea, and looked pensive.  
  
"What?" Monica asked him.  
  
He felt kind of guilty for asking it, but then he shrugged and decided to go through with it. "Okay. Well, um, could you rename your son to something besides Jack?"  
  
She was bewildered. "But, Dad, I named him after you."  
  
"I know. That's the problem." He sighed. "I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm honored, really, and I know you meant it with love. It's just... there's this Jewish taboo that you don't name a child after any living relative. It's an old superstition about the angel of death coming to take the older namesake, but getting confused and taking the baby instead."  
  
Monica gasped. "Really?"  
  
Jack nodded and said, "Now, I know that we raised you and Ross in a mixed way, and I know it's a silly superstition. But we did give you bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs, and there are still some traditions that I just can't let go of. So you see, having little Jack named after me really creeps me out."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know. Why didn't you say something before?"  
  
"Well, I didn't want to embarrass you, or have your mother hear about it and make a big deal. Maybe you can make Jack his middle name, since you're used to calling him that, or better yet, John, just to make it more different. Isn't there any other boy's name that you would like for his first name, Monica? Maybe your late grandfather's name, or some names from Chandler's family?"  
  
She thought about it. "Well, I liked the name Daniel."  
  
"Good. That's good. A nice Biblical name. Go with that."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"And if Chandler asks why the change, just tell him that you're humoring an old man."  
  
"Right."  
  
They hugged and kissed each other again, then wiped away their tears with the tissues. Once they were composed, they refastened their seat belts and drove back to the house. Monica dropped off her father, then drove home to Westchester, feeling more hopeful and happy now.  
  
---  
  
After arranging for a babysitter to watch Emma for hour, Ross and Rachel went across the street to find out what was wrong with Joey. They let themselves into Joey's apartment and went to Chandler's old room.  
  
Joey was surprised to see them, and he clutched Hugsy in front of his face while asking them why they came and where Emma was. Rachel explained where Emma was, and Ross explained that Phoebe had sent them to check on him.  
  
"We were worried about you. What's wrong, Joe?"  
  
"Nothing!" he denied angrily. "I told Phoebe that I need to be alone. Please go home."  
  
"But, Joey--!"  
  
"Go away!" He got up from the bed and pushed them out of the bedroom. He tried to push them out the apartment as well, but they protested.  
  
"Come on, Joe, we're your friends."  
  
"Are you just missing Chandler and Monica again? Because if you're lonely, you can come stay the night at our place."  
  
"No, no. I-I couldn't leave the birds for that long."  
  
"Well, bring them too."  
  
"No, I don't wanna leave. Just go home!"  
  
"Joey, seriously, what's wrong with you?"  
  
"Nothing! Leave me alone, and go--go comfort Phoebe about her divorce!"  
  
Ross and Rachel finally gave up and left the apartment. He locked the door after him, then headed back to the bedroom with a pout. But Joey heard the birds chirping plaintively again, so he picked up their nest and brought them into Chandler's bedroom with him. Setting them on the bedside table, he turned on the radio to soothe them with music. When they calmed down, he lay down on the bed again, holding Hugsy close.  
  
He missed Chandler so badly and wondered if Chandler was mad at him. Joey had dropped off his note of apology at the advertising agency earlier that day, but Chandler still hadn't called him or anything. Maybe it was too soon after that kiss last night, but Joey ached to have some kind of reassurance that their friendship was salvageable.  
  
Joey still couldn't understand why he'd kissed Chandler like that. He didn't think that it was just from being slightly drunk and not getting enough sleep lately, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was.  
  
In any case, Joey missed Chandler desperately and couldn't help clinging to him like some needy fool. He had kept this bedroom ready for him for three months, waiting patiently. Waiting even for just a phone call on some weeknight. Just to hear his voice, just to know that Chandler missed him as much and wasn't already becoming best friends with some neighbor in Westchester, phasing Joey out like his old roommate Kip. Sometimes, Joey had dreams that Chandler was actually here, that he came to visit and was staying the night. In those dreams, they'd hang out like in the good old days, watching Baywatch or playing foosball or giving the duck a bath. And sometimes they'd just hug, lingering for many minutes in each other's arms. Those dreams always made him so happy, until he woke up and realized that they weren't real.  
  
If only Chandler was here now. Joey ached to see him again. How long would this rift last? Would he ever really get to move in with Chandler in Westchester, or was that offer revoked now and forever? Joey cried again and didn't know what to do. And for reasons he didn't understand, his thoughts kept going back to that kiss last night.  
  
---  
  
At home, Phoebe got a call from Ross and Rachel, who said that they too weren't able to find out what was wrong with Joey.  
  
Phoebe said, "Wow. Maybe it's something he'll only talk about with Chandler."  
  
"Maybe. You wanna try calling Chandler to talk to Joey?"  
  
"Well, we better wait until tomorrow, since Joey insists on being alone tonight. I'll try to call Chandler, or maybe I'll drop by the advertising agency, since I'm already taking the afternoon off to go see the divorce lawyer."  
  
"Okay. Well, let us know how everything goes."  
  
"Sure. Goodnight."  
  
"Goodnight."  
  
The next day, Phoebe went to work at the massage parlor as usual, and had a pretty quiet morning, other than telling her co-workers about her plans to divorce Mike. Monica still hadn't returned her phone call from yesterday, so Phoebe assumed that she was busy with the twins again.  
  
At lunchtime, Phoebe left work and headed for a vegetarian restaurant, so she could have a quick lunch before catching a bus uptown. After her appointment with the lawyer, she intended to go see Chandler and tell him all about Joey's moping. Maybe she'd even offer to go to Westchester for him and help Monica with the twins, so that Chandler could go visit Joey that evening.  
  
As she went over these plans in her head, Phoebe took out her cellphone to check for any messages. Due to her distraction, she accidentally collided with someone in the crowd, which knocked the phone out of her hand.  
  
"Oh no!" She dived down to get the phone before it hit the sidewalk, but bumped heads with the man who had dived for the phone at the same time. "Ow!"  
  
They backed away from each other and rubbed their foreheads while exchanging apologies. But then Phoebe gasped and realized that the stranger who had caught her phone was no stranger at all.  
  
He was none other than David Frink--David, her scientist guy, whom she hadn't seen since Barbados. She couldn't believe it, and David looked stunned as well, as he adjusted the glasses on his face and handed the phone back to her. 


	7. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

"David! What are you doing here?" Phoebe was delighted and amazed to see him.  
  
He stammered in reply, "Well, I-I-I was gonna meet a, a friend for lunch, and, um..." He trailed off and got lost in the sheer thrill of her presence. The whole world seemed to disappear around them, and time stood still, even on this busy New York sidewalk. David sighed and smiled at her. "I-I just can't believe it's you, Phoebe. After all this time. I mean, I-I haven't seen you since... Barbados." There was a twinge of pain in his voice, and his smile faded then.  
  
"I know," she said and frowned with remorse. "I'm sorry--"  
  
He interrupted her and quickly dismissed the unpleasant incident with bravado. "Oh, that's--that's just water under the bridge now. It's just great to see you, you know. You look so beautiful..." Catching himself being too familiar, he cleared his throat and asked, "So are you, are you on your way to lunch too?"  
  
She nodded and moved them out of the path of the oncoming pedestrians, so that they could talk by a quiet storefront, without having countless people bumping into them. "Um, yeah, I was gonna get some lunch at the veggie place a few blocks from here."  
  
"With your friends?" Not likely Joey, though. "Or, um, with--with Mike?" David was painfully aware that she was married, though he tried to mask his feelings and be cheerful. He had read all about the wedding six months ago, because the local newspaper had reported how charming it was, to hold a wedding out in the streets, just after a blizzard. David saved the pictures, because she looked so lovely in her wedding dress, but he cut the groom right out of them. If only he could do that in real life.  
  
Phoebe could sense David's pain, and she answered him quickly, "No, no, I'm eating by myself today. I'm--I'm actually on my way uptown to see a divorce lawyer." She watched his eyes to see his reaction to that news.  
  
He looked up and peered at her closely, checking that she was serious. "R-really?"  
  
"Yes. We're not living together anymore, and I'm--I'm gonna have to return this soon, I guess." She pointed to her wedding ring, and shrugged casually, trying to make clear to him that she was just wearing the ring out of habit now, not love. Then she stood closer to David and looked at him with a hopeful smile, wondering if he would tell her whether he was single too and available. Maybe they could start dating again, especially since he was living in New York permanently now.  
  
David did long to hold her and kiss her again, but caution stopped him. If Phoebe had only chosen Mike over him once, it would be one thing, but she had picked Mike twice, and he was wary of having his heart broken again. So he kept his distance and just offered her his sympathy instead. "Oh. I'm--I'm so sorry, Phoebe. I hope you'll be all right."  
  
She was disappointed, but held out hope that he was just being shy as usual. "Oh, I'll be fine. So, David, do you maybe want to get together for coffee sometime, and catch up?"  
  
"Oh, um..." He didn't meet her eyes anymore, and cleared his throat nervously, then he glanced at his watch to rescue him. "Oh, I better not keep you from your appointment, Phoebe. And I-I-I have to meet my friend too, so I don't want to be late." Then he reached out to shake her hand goodbye. "It was good to see you."  
  
Now Phoebe felt hurt and rejected. "I, um... yeah. Bye." She turned away from him and left, hiding her tears and not realizing that she was going in the wrong direction.  
  
David watched her hurry into the crowd and felt terrible about upsetting her. He couldn't stand it, and followed after her. "Wait, Phoebe! Come back! I'm sorry. I didn't mean it!"  
  
She kept walking away, thinking that he just saw her crying and felt sorry for her now.  
  
"Phoebe, please! I love you!"  
  
She turned around and stared at him, as did some passersby who overheard his shout. He realized what he had said out loud and blushed, backing away into an alley to hide. She followed him into the privacy and gloom, asking quietly, "Do you mean that?"  
  
He gulped and looked at her with disbelief. Then he nodded and whispered, "Of course. Of course I do. Do you think just a year or so can make me stop loving you, Phoebe? When I was in love with you for ten years?" He felt rather sad. "When I was in Minsk, Max--you remember my friend Max?--he'd tell me that I ought to cheer up and stop moping around. That I should go hang out with the other physicists, or I should go on a double date with him and some Russian girls, or I should stop obsessing about you to the point where I saw your face even in a statue of Lenin. But I loved you, and I couldn't stop. Max told me that you had probably moved on already, and that if you really loved me too, then you would have tried to come visit me in Minsk, or something. I knew that he was probably right, because how could someone so wonderful like you stay single for long? But if I couldn't have you, I didn't want anybody else. I thought I'd just be one of those scientists who dedicate their whole lives to their work, you know, but secretly you'd be my muse, my inspiration."  
  
Phoebe felt so flattered and touched that she had to grab a tissue from her purse. "I-I thought of you too, David. So many times. But I couldn't get a passport to visit you," she explained. "And I thought you said you were only going away for three years."  
  
"I thought so too, at first." He kissed her hand and caressed her cheek. "When I came back to New York, the first time, I couldn't help thinking of you and remembering our time together. I mean, I didn't want to intrude on your life after so long, but I just wanted so much to see you again, and maybe hear you sing at the coffeehouse once more. And then you actually wanted to see me, and we had that great night, you know. I was so in love with you, more than ever."  
  
She held him close and kissed him. "I love you too. Oh, I love you so much!"  
  
He kissed her warmly and they embraced, leaning against the wall. David couldn't believe that it felt so good still, so new all over again. This was what he had been dreaming about for so long, even when he chose to humor Max by dating the occasional woman every now and then.  
  
Phoebe met his eyes and asked him, "Why didn't you wanna see me then, when I asked you just now? Is it because of Mike? Is it 'cause I hurt you in Barbados?"  
  
He sighed and nodded sadly. "Yeah. I-I was afraid that you weren't over Mike, Phoebe, and maybe you never would be. I didn't want to be just some rebound fling again."  
  
"I'm so sorry!" she cried sincerely. "It was a mistake! I wish I had just accepted your proposal and told Mike he was too late."  
  
"I wish you did too. But anyway, after I got back from Barbados, Max tried to get me over you for good by saying, 'See? I told you so. She didn't really love you after all, and she loves that other guy. It's been ten years, and you lost a toe to frostbite; it's time to wake up from the fantasy.'"  
  
Phoebe got mad. "Oh! I could kick that guy's ass!"  
  
David found himself laughing and smiling at her affectionately. He shrugged. "Max means well. He helped me return the ring and get a new job after that, and he's actually the one I'm meeting for lunch today."  
  
"Oh." She grudgingly calmed down, but still felt resentful.  
  
David kissed her again and asked, "So maybe we can meet for dinner tonight? And you can tell me more about your divorce, and we can catch up about everything else."  
  
"Okay. Oh, wait! I-I might have to help babysit for my friends tonight. How about tomorrow instead?"  
  
"All right." They made arrangements to have dinner together, then they kissed each other goodbye and parted ways, he to his friend Max, and she to her solo lunch.  
  
At the vegetarian restaurant, Phoebe took out her cellphone and called Monica at home. She got the answering machine and became impatient. "Monica, pick up the phone for once! I just ran into David, my scientist guy, and if you don't answer, then I'll just have to tell all the details to Rachel first."  
  
"Hello? Phoebe, I'm here."  
  
"Mon! Hooray!"  
  
"I'm sorry, I was just cleaning up after the babies again. So did you really see David? Where?"  
  
"On the street, near my work. I was on my way to lunch, and bam! It was like fate." She then told Monica all that had happened, along with the fact that she was going to see a divorce lawyer next.  
  
"Wow. What a day." However, Monica had to abruptly get off the phone, because the babies started crying again. "Oh, I gotta go. Good luck, Pheebs."  
  
"Okay, thanks. Bye!"  
  
---  
  
The night before, when she came home from Massapequa, Monica had shown Chandler the check and had told him all about her father's suggestions for other ways that they could save money.  
  
"Oh, that's nice," Chandler muttered, only half listening because he was rocking Jack and Erica, and trying not to think of Joey too.  
  
Monica assumed that her husband was just tired from being alone with the babies all evening, and she continued excitedly, "And the best part is that we don't have to tell my mom about it. Dad said that he'd tell her the money and the beach house were just presents for us. That way, Mom won't lecture us and hold it over us that we owe them money."  
  
"Great," he said, and still stared off into the distance, thinking of the check in his desk drawer at work.  
  
"Oh, uh, just one more thing, Chandler." She knelt down in front of the rocking chair and stopped his rocking so that he'd be sure to pay attention. "Um, my dad wants us to do him a favor and rename Jack to something else."  
  
Chandler blinked and wasn't sure that he'd heard her right. "What?"  
  
She explained, "It's, um, it's an old Jewish custom that--that you shouldn't name a baby after a living relative."  
  
"And you didn't know this?" He raised his eyebrow.  
  
She shrugged and felt a little defensive. "Well, he didn't tell me until tonight! Anyway, it's not that much trouble, really, and since Dad's being so nice helping us out with the money, I think we should humor him, okay?" She patted Jack's head and spoke in baby talk, "So, honey, we just need to change your name to Daniel John--" But she frowned and didn't like the rhythm of the name. "Wait that doesn't sound good. Maybe Daniel Jonathan? Daniel Jack? No."  
  
"Daniel Hemingway?" Chandler suggested. He still liked that name, even though he wasn't completely sold on renaming their son yet.  
  
She just laughed at his suggestion dismissively. "No, not Hemingway! What kid is gonna want that big a name? And besides, that goes better with Bing. I wanna keep at least the J for my dad, anyway. Oh, I know! Daniel Joseph! That way, Joey will stop bugging us to name a kid after him. It's perfect. Oh, and it can be a way for you guys to make up, too!" She was pleased by her cleverness.  
  
Chandler frowned and felt uncomfortable. "No. I-I told you, Mon, we're not making up."  
  
"Oh, come on! He's your best friend. You're just mad at him for now."  
  
Chandler insisted, "No I'm not! I'm not making up with him ever, and I'm not naming my son after him!" God, how difficult would it be to forget Joey, with his son carrying around that name?  
  
"But--"  
  
"No! It's over. For once, would you just do something that I want?!"  
  
"Chandler!" she hissed in warning, but it was too late. His yelling woke up the babies, who began crying and squirming in his arms, so she took the twins from him. She couldn't understand Chandler's vehement reaction, and could only throw a scolding glare at him while she tried to comfort and quiet the infants.  
  
Chandler just got up from the rocking chair and stormed out of the room. He went into Joey's empty bedroom again and shut the door, locking it. Then he lay down on the bed, shaking and feeling miserable. He smelled the sheets for the still lingering scent of Joey and actually felt grateful that Monica was too busy and overwhelmed at home to change the sheets in Joey's room as frequently and as the clean freak in her would have liked. He sighed Joey's name and closed his eyes, remembering the night they had laughed and wrestled together, in this bed.  
  
Monica comforted the babies until they finally calmed and fell asleep again, then she went to check on Chandler. She knocked at the door, but he wouldn't answer her.  
  
"Chandler, come on! It was just a fight about a loan. We're not in trouble anymore, and I've forgiven Joey now. Why can't you?"  
  
She heard nothing but a faint whimpering inside. "How bad was that fight between you two? Did he say something mean? You know how childish and immature he can be sometimes, Chandler. But deep down, he loves you, just like you love him."  
  
Now she heard him crying softly, but the door was locked, and she couldn't go inside. Damn. She knew she should have taken the lock off the door. Monica stood at the door, knocking for a while longer. She didn't feel like going and looking around the cluttered house for her tools, to take down the door, so she finally sighed and gave up, returning to the master bedroom to get some sleep. Chandler stayed in Joey's room all night.  
  
---  
  
In the morning, Chandler returned to the master bedroom to change his clothes and get ready for work. He tried not to wake up Monica, but she stirred and looked at him from the bed.  
  
"Don't forget the check."  
  
"What?" He jumped a little, having hoped that he could get through this morning without speaking to her.  
  
"My dad's check." She pointed to it on the nightstand. "Remember? You have to deposit it in the bank today, so I can pay some bills for us."  
  
"Oh. Okay." He pocketed the check, then stood in front of the mirror to adjust his necktie.  
  
Monica hesitated for a moment, then asked him, "You still don't want to name him Daniel Joseph?"  
  
Chandler's body tensed, and he grimaced in the mirror while tightening the knot of his tie.  
  
She took the hint, and asked, "How about Daniel James? Or Daniel Jacob?"  
  
He shrugged indifferently, then grabbed his jacket and muttered a hurried goodbye before leaving with his briefcase.  
  
---  
  
On his way to work, Chandler deposited the check as requested. Then he headed to the agency and drank a lot of coffee to make sure that he would be alert for the morning staff meeting. All day, he worked as diligently as he could in his cubicle, but he still kept thinking of the envelope in his desk drawer. The one that contained Joey's note and his check. Chandler knew that he was only supposed to keep it "just in case", but now that he and Monica didn't need the check anymore, he couldn't bring himself to get rid of it. He couldn't throw it away.  
  
Chandler sneaked a peek at the envelope a few times, taking out its contents and intending to put them into the office shredder. But he wound up reading the letter again, and just put everything back into his drawer.  
  
Late in the afternoon, Chandler stared at the envelope yet again, trying to get up the courage to at least shred the check, but this would mean that he had no justification to keep the letter either. Then his phone rang, and the receptionist told them that a visitor named Phoebe Buffay was here to see him. "Oh, uh, send her up." He hung up the phone and stashed the envelope back into his desk drawer.  
  
Phoebe arrived, and he pulled over an extra chair to his cubicle. "Hi, Pheebs. What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"  
  
She sat down. "Well, I took the afternoon off to see my divorce lawyer."  
  
"Oh!" He had forgot about her divorce. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine." She even beamed and looked giddy. "I'm great, actually! I ran into David today!"  
  
"David?"  
  
"You know, my scientist guy who went to Minsk?"  
  
"Oh, him."  
  
"Yeah, it was great! We're having dinner tomorrow night. But anyway, never mind that now, because I came here to tell you something else."  
  
"What?"  
"Well, Joey's really been depressed lately. He's been moping around in his apartment and even sleeping in your old room."  
  
Chandler gulped and apprehensively drew back in his chair.  
  
She continued, "Something's definitely bothering him, a lot, but he won't talk to anyone about it, so we figured that maybe you could--"  
  
"No!" He realized what she was asking him. "No, I-I don't wanna see him, Pheebs. I can't."  
  
She looked confused. "You can't? Why? If you just don't have time, I can--"  
  
"No, I don't wanna see him because... because we had a fight." He might as well use the same excuse he had given to Monica.  
  
"What? When?"  
  
"A couple of days ago. We're not speaking to each other anymore."  
  
"Huh?" She was shocked, and wondered what could have happened. "Wait, what was this fight about?"  
  
"I-I don't wanna talk about it here. Ask Monica. I gotta get back to work."  
  
"But, Chandler--"  
  
"Please leave." He shuffled the papers on his desk and tried to look busy.  
  
Phoebe had an impulse to kick his ass, but she would probably get thrown out by security. Also, maybe it really was too personal an issue to be discussed here, among the cubicles. "Fine. Goodbye." She got up from the chair and left the office, determined to find out the truth some other way.  
  
---  
  
Outside, Phoebe was about to call Monica to find out more about this big fight, but her phone rang, and it was Joey in great distress, begging her to come to his apartment. "I don't know what to do!"  
  
"Okay, I'm on my way."  
  
"Hurry!" He sounded rather desperate.  
  
So she hung up and caught the bus back to the Village. Maybe if she directly confronted him about his fight with Chandler, then he would tell her the whole truth at last, and she could get the friends speaking to each other again.  
  
However, when she arrived at Joey's apartment, she learned that his current crisis had nothing to do with Chandler.  
  
Joey told her, "I think I'm gonna get fired!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
He was frantic. "Today at the soap, I overheard some producers talking about how they wanna get rid of me because I look tired all the time, you know, and I'm late to work, and I don't have all my lines memorized." Taking care of the baby birds for the past three months had taken their toll on Joey, and it reflected on his performance. Until now, he thought that he'd managed to squeak by, given the lower acting standards on soap operas, but clearly he was wrong. "They're talking about either writing me out, or getting a new actor to play Drake. Oh man, I can't believe this, Phoebe!"  
  
"Me neither! What did your agent say?"  
  
Joey shrugged. "Well, he's gonna get me some auditions for TV shows, instead of just movies and commercials. But he said that I'd have to work really hard and maintain my looks better too. He even said that I should lose weight and get an eye lift so I'll look younger." Joey pouted. "I don't like this new guy, Pheebs. He's worse than Estelle."  
  
Phoebe hugged him comfortingly. "Oh, don't listen to him, Joey! You still look good to me. It's just this shallow acting business, you know?"  
  
"I guess," Joey sighed, but didn't feel very encouraged. Then he got an idea. "Hey, could you be my agent, Phoebe?"  
  
"Me?"  
  
"Yeah, remember that time you pretended to be my agent on the phone, and you got me all those great auditions?"  
  
"Yeah, but then I had to give you all those rejections too."  
  
"I know, but can you do it again, please? I know you'd be great, Pheebs, and I gotta get some regular work soon. I don't know what I'll do without my DOOL gig." Joey had baby birds to support after all, and he certainly didn't want the check that he had given Chandler to bounce.  
  
"Oh, okay. I'll try to help out, but I can't guarantee anything, Joey. You should keep that other guy as your agent too, just in case."  
  
"Okay, thanks!" He hugged her and felt relieved. "I trust you more than him, Pheebs, and besides, he's got lots of actors to get auditions for, not just me."  
  
"Yeah. But listen, don't give up on your old job yet," Phoebe told him. "Maybe if you get some more sleep and rehearse your lines more, then those producers will change their minds about firing you, or at least let you stay a little longer."  
  
"I'll try. It's just, the birds keep me up at night." And he missed Chandler too.  
  
"Well, maybe I can babysit the birds more often, so you can get a full night's sleep. I can take them home with me tonight."  
  
"You can? Great!"  
  
Over dinner, they discussed what auditions Phoebe would get for Joey, and then they rehearsed his lines for tomorrow's show until he memorized them. She also put tea bags on his eyes to lessen the puffiness.  
  
"There. You should do better tomorrow."  
  
"I hope so. Thanks, Pheebs."  
  
"You're welcome." Then she gathered up Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. into the pet carrier. "Come on guys! You're staying at Aunt Phoebe's place again!"  
  
Joey saw them to the door and waved goodbye. "Goodnight!"  
  
It was only after she left the building that Phoebe realized that she hadn't questioned Joey about his fight with Chandler. She decided to wait until tomorrow, since he needed his rest tonight, and could do without any stressful distractions from his job. She could also tell Joey about her encounter with David.  
  
---  
  
Alone at last, Joey got ready for bed and turned out the lights in the apartment. For the third night in a row, he decided to sleep in Chandler's old room instead of his own, and he set the alarm clock to make sure that he wouldn't be late for work tomorrow. Then Joey lay down and snuggled with Hugsy underneath the covers. He noticed how quiet and empty the place felt now, which made him feel lonely again. How strange, that he could feel homesick within his own home. Things just weren't the same without Chandler around.  
  
Maybe Chandler would call him tomorrow. Joey hoped so and tried to fall asleep.  
  
That night, he had a dream. It was ten years ago, on the night that Joey found out that his dad had a mistress. Dad and Ronni slept in the two bedrooms, while Joey and Chandler shared the old pull-out sofa.  
  
In the darkness, Chandler reassured Joey that he was not going to be like his father someday. "Hey, you're not him. You're you. When they were all over you to go into your father's pipe-fitting business, did you cave?"  
  
Joey answered, "No."  
  
"No. You decided to go into the out-of-work actor business. Now that wasn't easy, but you did it! And I'd like to believe that when the right woman comes along, you will have the courage and the guts to say, 'No thanks, I'm married'."  
  
"You really think so?"  
  
"Yeah. I really do."  
  
Joey smiled and hugged him happily. "Thanks, Chandler."  
  
Unlike in real life, Chandler didn't push Joey away and say "Get off!" this time. Instead, he just said, "You're welcome, Joe," and laughed good-naturedly. They embraced for a moment, and even began to playfully wrestle and tickle each other on the couch. Then, when they were breathless, their eyes met and they became rather quiet and serious. Joey kissed him, noticing how soft Chandler's lips were. Closing their eyes, they kissed each other more passionately, and Joey felt Chandler's fingers run through his hair again. The kisses tasted just as warm and wonderful as two nights ago, in real life.  
  
And in that odd way of dreams, they were suddenly naked and making love, not caring that Joey's dad or Ronni might hear them. They were all alone, touching each other intimately, and Chandler let out many incoherent cries and moans that Joey had heard before, whenever Chandler had sex with a woman on the other side of the wall. It really turned Joey on, and he kissed Chandler's neck possessively. Soon Joey firmly got on top while Chandler wrapped his legs tightly around Joey's waist. He wanted Chandler so badly...  
  
But then the alarm clock buzzed.  
  
With an irritable groan, Joey slowly woke up and rubbed his eyes before he sat up. He shut off the insistent alarm, then looked around, confused and startled to find himself alone in Chandler's bedroom. Alone and aroused, with Hugsy fallen onto the floor. Then he remembered his dream and gasped. Whoa! He had an erotic dream about Chandler! Chandler!  
  
Joey had regularly thought of Chandler's mom, Nora Tyler Bing, when he had sex, just because he found her hot, and Joey had sometimes thought of Chandler during sex as well, but as he had told Phoebe once, that was more of a distraction like baseball or sandwiches so that he wouldn't get too excited and lose control while in bed with a woman. But for Joey to actually have a dream about Chandler, and in such vivid detail--that was quite new and disturbing!  
  
Joey gulped with panic and fear. He couldn't be gay! He just couldn't! Joey slept with tons of women after all. And yet, he had kissed Chandler in real life, just a few nights ago. Joey had kissed him, and now he wanted to have sex with him. "Oh God!" Joey got out of the bed and decided that he needed a cold shower, and fast. 


	8. Reason to Believe in Soulmates

**Well, I'll be finishing up this story this week, just in time for me to say that the _Joey _spinoff can kiss my ass. I was sick of the stale jokes, the ridiculously contrived plots, and the character deterioration on Friends two seasons ago. You can't build an entire show on Joey as an impossibly dumb imbecile. Being adorably dense and under-educated is not the same thing as being too stupid to function.**

-

-

Chandler still felt rattled by his talk with Phoebe, so when he came home that evening, he avoided Monica's eyes again and mumbled a quick hello before heading upstairs to change out of his business suit.

Too weary to get up from the couch, Monica just waited in the living room with the babies, who were still a bit cranky. Except during their all too brief naps, the twins had been fussing or crying or making a mess all day, leaving her house in a state of disarray similar to when Phoebe babysat the triplets in her old apartment. Monica just hoped that once she returned to work and put the kids in daycare, that would free up some time for her to keep the house clean and tidy, like she so desperately wanted.

When Chandler came downstairs again, she asked him if he had remembered to deposit her father's check.

"Yeah," he replied, but moved past her to greet the babies with kisses. He picked them up, then sat and rocked them in his arms.

Monica said, "Good, 'cause I paid off the bills, and after those checks clear, we should have enough cash left over for the daycare expenses next month." That of course depended on which of the daycare centers she decided to put the babies in, but at least they now had enough money to afford a good, reputable place.

"Uh-huh." Chandler only half listened again, still focusing his attention on the kids and trying to calm them. Chandler felt bad about yelling in front of them last night. He wanted to be a loving daddy to them, not some mean, scary guy who startled and upset them. They both seemed to warm up to him now, though, which reassured him.

Monica continued her financial calculations out loud. "So once we sell the beach house and the Porsche, I think that should tide us over until you or I get a promotion at work. I hope we'll have enough money to finish decorating around here too. My mom's practically demanding to come visit us soon." She cringed at the thought of such a visit, and how her mother would criticize everything about her and the house.

Despite her exhaustion, Monica got up and compulsively started tidying up in the living room. Of course, she couldn't fully tackle the clutter unless she pulled out the vacuums and her other cleaning paraphernalia, but she had no time or energy for that now. After making the best effort that she could, Monica went into the kitchen to check on dinner while Chandler played with the babies.

During dinner, Monica told Chandler about her chat with Phoebe on the phone and remarked on how ironic it was, for the old flames to reunite once again. "She kept saying it was like fate, and they were soulmates. Actually, she said lobsters." Monica laughed, and found that she really missed hanging out with Phoebe and their other friends on a daily basis. Because she refused to have any company over while the house was messy and incomplete, Monica typically had no one to talk to all day besides the babies.

Chandler winced at the mention of Phoebe and even worried that Phoebe might have called again afterward, to ask Monica about his supposed fight with Joey. However, Monica didn't mention it, so maybe he got lucky tonight. Chandler silently ate his food and just hoped that the women wouldn't hatch some plot together to try to reunite him with Joey; he couldn't handle that right now.

Because Chandler remained distant and unresponsive to her conversation, Monica finally asked him, "What's wrong? You still upset about Joey?"

Chandler gulped and lied to deflect her curiosity. "No, um, it's--it's just some stuff at work today." That was partly true, actually, since Joey's letter and Phoebe's visit were both at his cubicle.

"So you're over the fight now?" Monica looked at him hopefully. "Does that mean we can rename Jack after Joey?"

"No!" Chandler glared at her furiously for bringing that up again. "No! I told you last night, Mon. No way! Don't you even listen to me?"

"Well, I just thought you changed your mind--"

"Well I didn't!" He got up from the table and tossed down his napkin with outrage. "And I won't, ever, so forget it! It's bad enough that we have to suddenly rename Jack now, anyway!" Then he turned and stormed out of the kitchen.

Monica was stunned by Chandler's defensiveness and his continued hostility towards Joey. Why was her husband overreacting so much?

After a moment, Chandler felt guilty about yelling in front of the babies again, so he came back in long enough to pick up the babies and leave again before Monica could protest. Then he took them into the den and decided to spend the rest of the evening trying to bond with them again.

Monica sighed and shook her head at his irrational behavior. Chandler just didn't know what was good for him sometimes. She was tempted to just go to the Social Security office and change Jack's legal name behind Chandler's back, then let him find out later only when necessary. Just like he only found out about her keeping her maiden name after two years of marriage. Besides, he had agreed easily enough to letting the children be called Geller instead of Bing, so he'd probably go along like usual, especially if he had managed to forgive Joey by then.

Monica decided that this was the best thing to do, though she'd have to find out if there was a local Social Security office in Westchester, because she didn't want to go all the way into the city with the babies, given how much they hated car rides. Besides, she'd never have the time to do that and thoroughly check out the local daycare centers too.

After Monica finished her dinner, she cleared the table and washed the dishes. Then she decided to go to bed early and get some much-needed rest. Let Chandler worry about the babies for now.

In the den, Chandler remained with the twins until they too fell asleep. He took them upstairs to their cribs and kissed them goodnight. As he left, he frowned and wondered where he should sleep tonight. He couldn't keep going to Joey's room, after all, not if he wanted to forget about him. Chandler had to go back to Monica eventually, right? She was his wife.

So Chandler quietly went to the master bedroom and hesitated at the door, seeing Monica asleep inside. Somehow, he still couldn't bring himself to join her in their bed. He was still angry at her and he didn't think he could stand to wake up next to her in the morning and realize that she wasn't Joey. He'd rather wake up alone, than with her.

Feeling weak, he once again withdrew to Joey's room and to his dreams about what might have been.

Joey was still taking a cold shower when Phoebe arrived that morning. She let herself into the apartment with the birds and announced, "Hey, we're back!"

Then she heard the shower running and put down the pet carrier as she checked the time. She knocked at the bathroom door and called out, "Joey, did you oversleep? Hurry up and get dressed, so you won't be late for work."

"Uh, okay," Joey answered and reluctantly ended his shower. As he toweled off and put on a bathrobe, he still felt anxious about his erotic dream last night, and he tried to push the inappropriate images of Chandler out of his brain.

Meanwhile, Phoebe made breakfast in the kitchen to save Joey some time, and when he emerged from the bathroom she greeted him with a smile.

"Morning! So I guess you slept better last night, huh?"

Joey froze in his tracks, suddenly terrified that Phoebe somehow knew about his dream; maybe her psychic ability had unexpectedly kicked in again. Then again, her predictions were wrong sometimes, so maybe he could bluff it off. "Uh, yeah. I-I guess."

"Let me see." Phoebe pulled him closer and scrutinized his eyes. "Yeah, the bags are less noticeable now. You just needed a good night's rest to refresh yourself."

He shrugged and backed away from her nervously. "Uh, yeah."

Phoebe laughed and told him, "Oh, I wasn't trying to kiss you again! Now go on, get dressed. You can't be late to work anymore."

"Okay." He hurried to his bedroom in relief. She apparently knew nothing about his dream. While Joey dressed, he heard Phoebe talking to the birds and letting them out of the pet carrier.

When Joey returned to the living room, Phoebe put his breakfast before him, then glanced at the clock again. "Joey, what time does Pigeon Pete usually get here?" Pete was a guy in the apartment building who kept pigeons on the roof, and Joey paid him to babysit Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. during the day.

"Not for another half hour," Joey answered while he ate his cereal.

"Oh, good. So we have time to hang out before he gets here." Phoebe didn't want to run into Pete again, because they once had a secret love affair and it would be awkward. She sat down next to Joey and smiled. "Speaking of my exes, I forgot to tell you yesterday that I ran into David, my scientist guy."

"You did?"

"Yeah, it was great, and we made a date for tonight." She filled Joey in on the details and gushed about what good luck it was to meet David again. "Now, just as long as his friend Max doesn't keep trying to talk him into getting over me, we should be okay. Or else I'll have to kick some ass! Anyway, Joey, I won't be able to watch the birds for you again tonight, because of my date."

"Oh."

"Yeah, but don't worry, Joey. It's Friday, after all, so you can get plenty of rest this weekend. Just do your best not to get fired today, and I'll work on getting you those auditions like I promised. You'll be fine."

He shrugged and tried not to worry. "I hope so."

She patted his shoulder encouragingly, then got up to go. "Well, good luck at work today. I'll call you later to let you know about the auditions, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

Chandler was partly glad that it was Friday, so that he wouldn't have to continue struggling at work, but at the same time, he dreaded having to spend the weekend at home with Monica. It would be difficult to avoid her.

Fortunately, when he got home, Monica was busy talking on the phone with her father, who had been making arrangements to sell the beach house and the Porsche.

"Oh, this weekend? Just a minute." She covered the phone and turned to Chandler. "Can you handle watching the kids tomorrow? Dad wants me to drive over to meet some car dealer guy and have the Porsche appraised."

"Oh, so you'll be gone all day?" Chandler was actually relieved that she wouldn't be home, though he tried not to show it.

"Yeah, it might take a while... Hey, maybe you need help, Chandler? We can ask--"

"No, no!" He cut off her obvious attempt to invite Joey over. "Go ahead. I'll be fine by myself. I took care of them the other night."

"Fine." She sighed and rolled her eyes, then resumed her phone conversation. "Yeah, I'll come over for lunch. Thanks, Dad."

They shared another awkward dinner in the kitchen. Monica made an effort by talking about the local daycare centers and how she had put together a notebook that organized each center's strengths and weaknesses into different categories.

Clearly, Chandler wasn't listening, nor did he attempt to interject an opinion, as he had many times about the wedding plans years ago. He just kept eating and occasionally muttering, "Yeah. Whatever you decide."

Normally she'd be happy that he left everything up to her, but it irked her that Chandler was still being so stubborn and inflexible about Joey, especially since he was pining for him and sleeping in his room every night.

If only she knew why exactly Chandler was so upset with Joey.

For the first time in several weeks, Joey wasn't late to work. Many people at the TV studio were surprised by his prompt arrival, and he even interrupted some people who were gossiping and making bets about how long Joey had until he got fired. Joey felt discouraged and hoped that Phoebe was doing her best to get him another job.

At least the makeup artists commented that he looked better today, and Joey worked hard to avoid annoying the _DOOL_ producers and directors. However, he had trouble remembering some of his lines because kept worrying about money or thinking about Chandler.

One part of Joey still missed Chandler desperately and ached to see him again, but another part was rather freaked out about their kisses and his sex dream. Joey was actually scared that Chandler might try to call him today, and he wouldn't know what to say to him. He kept worrying about what the dream might mean.

Joey knew that another actor on the soap was gay because he'd seen the guy doing stuff with Santa Claus at the Christmas party. Remembering this, Joey decided to ask the actor some questions while they were on a break from filming.

"Hey, man, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure. What is it?" Christian Sanders followed Joey to his dressing room and sat on the couch with him.

Glancing at the floor, Joey cleared his throat and stammered several times, unable to get started.

Christian asked if Joey wanted to ask him about the rumors that he might get fired from the show. "I mean, I heard about that, but I don't know if they're doing it for sure."

Joey shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant. I mean, I guess I probably will get fired, and I'm already looking for other work, just in case. Um, actually, I wanted to ask you..."

"What?"

Joey wrung his hands nervously. "Well, like, you're gay, right?"

"Yeah."

"But you're still playing a straight guy, and you got all the female fans and stuff, right?"

"That's why they call it acting." Christian smiled.

Joey continued, "Well, um, I-I don't know if this is too personal or not, but, um, how do you fake those kisses on the show then? Isn't it weird for you? And how did you know you were gay? Did you kiss some guy, or have a gay dream?"

Christian was surprised by these questions, though he answered them in a general way, without getting into private details. Then he asked, "Why, what's wrong, Joey? You thinking about playing a gay part, and want to know that it won't turn you gay?"

Joey shrugged and tried to bluff. "Uh, yeah. It's just, like, if you kiss a guy... and you like it... and you think about it afterward, and dream about stuff, does--does that make you gay?" He frowned and trailed off, clearly looking troubled.

Christian saw that Joey wasn't being hypothetical. "You kissed somebody?"

Joey bit his lip and struggled for a moment, but then figured that he needed to tell someone this; it was too hard dealing with it alone, without even his friends to help him. He replied quietly, "My best friend. We were just talking and..." He gulped and his eyes got moist. "He's married. He moved away and had kids, and I missed him so much. He said we'd always be together, and he just..." Joey turned away and started to cry.

Christian put an arm around him and handed him tissues. "Sounds like you've got it bad. I'm sorry." He comforted Joey for a while, but soon they had to get back to work. Christian said that the makeup artists would have to reapply his makeup, so he suggested telling them that he'd been crying because he was scared about losing his job.

Joey thanked him for the advice and tried to pull himself together. He still had no idea about what to do with his feelings for Chandler, and he feared that Chandler would never forgive him. Joey felt horribly trapped and guilty, much like he felt about Ross and Rachel once. Compared to this, the possibility of getting fired was a piece of cake.

Joey struggled through the rest of his work day. He didn't get fired yet, but it was clear that the casting director was just waiting until they could find a suitable replacement for Joey as Drake Ramoray. Maybe some people were also feeling sorry for him because he had overheard others talking about him and had even been crying in his dressing room. Joey figured that next week he would know for sure that he was fired.

Meanwhile, Phoebe worked her magic and got him some promising auditions for next week. She called him and told him that she would send a friend over to deliver the script pages to him, since she wasn't allowed on the set anymore, after getting fired and dragged off as an extra on the show. He thanked her, and she said she would come help him rehearse this weekend.

"Okay. Have fun on your date." After he hung up, Joey felt depressed again, because she sounded happy and cheerful. She was in love with someone who loved her back; if only things were that simple and easy for him.

When Joey got home, he thanked Pigeon Pete again for babysitting and paid him for the week, adding that he might have to cut back on babysitting next week, because of his job situation. Pete understood and even offered to babysit for a week or so for free.

"Thanks." Then Joey greeted the chick and duckling, asking if they had fun on the roof with the pigeons. He commented with a sigh that they used up a lot of his money with their food and their toys and their babysitting. Pete nodded and agreed that maintaining his pigeons' coops cost money too, but he loved his pigeons.

"Phoebe got tired of my pigeons, though, and she even said that her psychic predicted that she would someday die because of a pigeon." He shook his head skeptically and wished Joey good luck in getting another job before he left.

While Joey started to make dinner and have a beer, Ross and Rachel came by with Emma. They said that Phoebe had told them about his job problems, and they hugged him with sympathy and concern.

"Why didn't you tell us before? Is there anything we can do?"

"Nah. Not really. You gotta save your money for Emma."

"But maybe we can babysit for you this weekend again, and you can go see Chandler and make up."

"Yeah. By the way, what did you guys fight about?"

Joey wondered what they knew, but figured that maybe Phoebe had made some assumptions since he wouldn't answer her questions about why he had been moping in Chandler's room lately. "I don't wanna talk about it," he repeated, and told them that he wasn't going to Westchester this weekend; he had to stay home and get some rest for next week, so he would look his best for his auditions.

Ross and Rachel kept trying to draw him out and cheer him up, but Joey rebuffed them like before. He didn't even let them take the birds home with them tonight, because he feared that if he was alone, he would have another dream. He didn't tell them that, of course.

They finally gave up in frustration, although Rachel said that she could always borrow money from her rich parents if he needed it. "I'd have to tell them it was for Emma or something."

"Yeah, fine. Goodnight."

So they left with Emma and returned to their own apartment across the street. They wondered if they should call Chandler and Monica in Westchester, and ask them for explanation and help. "I just hope they're not busy with the twins and still screening all their calls with the answering machine."

Meanwhile, Joey ate his dinner and washed the dishes, then sat in the living room with the birds, who wanted to watch TV again. He flipped on the nature channel, then sighed and wondered if he should get started rehearsing for his auditions next week. But he was too depressed, and he petted the chick and duckling's soft feathers.

Chick Jr. and Duck Jr. were all he had left of Chandler. Well, not really. He had all this furniture too. Everything except the recliner that Rachel had bought to replace Rosita had been bought by Chandler, during his guilty shopping-spree after kissing Kathy.

Joey remembered Kathy and realized now how much she was like Chandler. She was smart, and she liked the same books and comedians as Chandler. Kathy would make sarcastic jokes too, and rehearse lines with him, and point out women whose underwear was visible. Joey thought she was so cool for watching movies like Die Hard with him and not minding their patio furniture and birds. She was fun like a guy and she was great in bed too, which made her definitely worth dating for longer than his usual two weeks with most girls.

And yet, something was missing. Something prevented him from being really committed to her and serious while they dated. At the time, he thought that maybe he was comparing her too much to Kate, who had left for L.A. not too long ago, or maybe he just wasn't ready to settle down yet and give up the variety. So Joey made a date with another girl named Casey, to explore his options, but between Chandler telling him that he ought to pick just one woman, and all the car trouble that Joey had on his date with Casey, Joey thought it was a sign that he had made a mistake. So he decided to commit to Kathy and try a real relationship with her. Unfortunately, she broke up with him then and told him that she was in love with someone else.

To find out that the someone else was Chandler, and that they had kissed, was very upsetting. Maybe he had just been very dense, but Joey thought that Chandler didn't like Kathy. He'd been avoiding her a lot and acting like Joey had acted over Janice. Joey felt so hurt and betrayed, especially considering that Chandler had promised that he would "never soberly hurt you or your family" after the incident with his sisters. It took some time for Joey to forgive Chandler and make up with him, but he did and they were friends again.

Why couldn't they still be friends now? Why did he have to kiss Chandler like that, and ruin everything? What was wrong with him? Now he had just given Chandler an excuse to phase him out for good.

That night, Joey wasn't sure whether he should sleep in Chandler's old room again, but he realized that the whole apartment was filled with Chandler's stuff and haunted by memories of him. So Joey sat on the bed and stared around the room in loneliness. Somehow, he had fallen in love with Chandler without realizing it. When did it happen? Was it as far back as Kathy, and he was too dumb to see that what Kathy was missing was that she wasn't Chandler? Was it when he kept getting jealous about Chandler's new roommate Eddie?

Joey clutched Hugsy tighter and lay down miserably. He remembered that he started sleeping with Hugsy after London and kept him a secret for a while. In fact, Joey got Hugsy because he couldn't stand listening to Monica and Chandler making out and having sex in the bedroom next door. It was too weird, and their secret-keeping drove him crazy. Now Joey had more toys and dolls too. Childish things to comfort him because Chandler wasn't around anymore.

He used to think that he'd be married before Chandler, and the whole group thought that Chandler was too screwed up to ever settle down and marry. But Chandler got married after all, and here Joey was, alone and screwed up and possibly gay. It wasn't funny.

**Pigeon Pete's name, as well as the fact that he babysits for Joey, were both made up by me, but he was mentioned in season 7, TOW Ross's Library Book. Also, no explanation was given on the show for when and why Joey started sleeping with Hugsy.**

**The real process of changing someone's name, let alone a child's, is rather complicated, and Monica would not in fact be able to change Jack's name without Chandler knowing about it. Of course, Phoebe also couldn't have changed her name to Princess Consuela Bananahammock and back that easily either.**


	9. Plans to Move

**Sorry for taking so long in updating this, and spending a lot of time on the emotional buildup. The story will be over soon, with just one more chapter, unless I do an epilogue. Also, Exintaris commented that Monica was being easy on Chandler, so I've slightly edited Chapter 8 and added a confrontation here that's perhaps more realistic. And yay for Chandler with a spine...**

**And once again, the spinoff can kiss my ass. I hope the ratings continue declining steadily and that it gets cancelled just like the disastrous Coupling remake last season!**

-

-

Things remained tense in Westchester.

Because Chandler still wasn't listening to her, Monica lost her temper. "Chandler, this is important! Come on, I'm trying to decide who's gonna watch our babies for eight hours a day, five days a week! Anything could happen to them in all that time! We have to pick people we can trust, who won't neglect or abuse them."

"I know," Chandler said, feeling angry that she thought he was apathetic about their children's welfare. He gestured to the notebook she had compiled. "But look, you like this organizing stuff and you're good at it, so what do you need my input for? Besides, you'll make the decision without me anyway, even if I did have a different opinion than you."

"I wouldn't do that!" She didn't think of herself as tyrannical or manipulative.

"Oh yeah?" Chandler had learned otherwise over the years. He scoffed and asked spitefully, "Then tell me, is Jack's name still Jack?"

She looked mad and offended. "No, I didn't change his name!" Yet. She resented that he had guessed what she had in mind, though.

Chandler continued sarcastically, "Good, 'cause I just thought of what we could rename him: Daniel J Geller. Just J, you see? He'll only have a middle initial, but no name, like Harry S Truman."

Monica was definitely not laughing. "Why do you have to be so stupid?!"

"Me? Why couldn't you have sorted out the names three months ago, when we were filling in the birth certificates and adoption papers? It's not like you haven't had names picked out since you were 14 years old. It's not like you haven't been Jewish forever."

"Shut up! Just shut up!" This time, she got from the table and stormed out. He knew--he knew!--that she had picked out those names at the last minute, because "Emma" was already taken and because they were adopting from Erica, details that she hardly could have predicted as a teenager.

After she was gone, the twins reacted to all the yelling by crying, and Chandler finally felt guilty. He shouldn't have gone that far.

So he picked up the babies and soothed them, then he went into the living room after Monica, who sat on the couch with her back turned to him. It looked like she was crying too, and he felt like more of a jerk.

Standing in the doorway with the babies, he spoke humbly, "I'm sorry." She didn't say anything, so he continued his apology. "I-I didn't mean that, Mon. I just... I don't know. That's the way my parents used to fight, hurling cruel insults at each other and pushing each other's buttons." Not to mention the twisted sex games with the houseboy. Chandler winced at the memory and sighed. "I always tried not to be like them at all, but I guess some of it sank in anyway. I'm sorry."

Still, she didn't move or acknowledge his words. He cautiously approached her and tried to touch her shoulder, but she pushed him away. This was not something that could be mended that easily and quickly. So he gave up for now and returned to the kitchen with the babies, putting them back in their baby seats while he cleared the table and washed the dishes.

When he and the babies joined Monica later, she remained upset and cold to him, so he just looked through the daycare notebook that she had compiled.

They were soon startled when the silence was broken by the telephone ringing. They let the machine get it as usual, but then they heard Ross leaving a message, "Uh, hi. It's Ross. I guess you guys are busy again, but can you call us back soon...?"

Monica picked up the phone. "Hey, Ross. I'm here. Did you put me on speakerphone? Okay, hi Rach and Emma!"

Chandler noticed that she sounded more relaxed now. Talking to their old friends probably did it, so he just listened and didn't interrupt.

After the greetings, Monica learned that Ross and Rach weren't just calling to keep in touch. They asked her about the fight between Joey and Chandler, so Monica explained to them about Chandler asking Joey for a loan and Joey refusing.

"A loan? You guys need money?" Ross asked. How come nobody told him? Why weren't they in the loop anymore?

Rachel added, "Wow, that's weird. Joey needs money too, because he's going to get fired soon."

"What?!" Monica was shocked. "Fired?" She turned to Chandler accusingly, "Did Joey tell you he was going to get fired?" She thought that maybe this detail was what he'd been holding back from her all week.

"Huh?" He finally looked up from the notebook and the babies. "What are you talking about?"

Monica listened further to Ross and Rachel, then relayed to Chandler, "He overheard some people on his show, saying that they want to get rid of him because he's late and tired all the time, and he forgets his lines a lot. Man! No wonder he didn't want to give us a loan. What the hell are you angry with him for?"

"I didn't know!" Chandler protested. "He never told me any of that stuff! Why--why wouldn't he tell me that?" He looked deeply troubled and hurt.

Monica was baffled by his reply, but after a moment, she shrugged and guessed, "I-I don't know. Um, maybe it was his pride. Remember when he didn't want to take your charity?"

"Oh my God," Chandler whispered, putting down his head in his hands. Horrified, he wondered why Joey would send him a $2000 check if he were in danger of losing his job. It just didn't make sense. But perhaps Joey really didn't have that much financial sense, and maybe he was also trying to make up for the kissing the other night. Chandler was glad he hadn't cashed the check.

Monica continued talking with Ross and Rachel on the phone, explaining why she and Chandler needed money and that they already worked out a plan to deal with it; Chandler was too stunned and upset to listen.

Monica rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry I was too busy to tell you, Ross. I guess I thought Dad would mention it, although I did tell him I wanted it to be a secret from mom. Do you promise not to tell her too?"

Ross seemed uncomfortable, but agreed. "I guess so, but why didn't either of you come to us for help in the first place? Why only Joey?"

"Well, we thought he had money to spare and that he owed us after all these years. We never figured that he'd refuse, or that Chandler and him would get into a serious fight about it." She confided more quietly, "I still don't know why Chandler's been so upset with him all week. He said he never wanted to see Joey again."

"Whoa. What has gotten into these guys?" Rachel asked. "Joey refused to even talk about it with us."

"Yeah, thanks for filling us in," Ross added. "What do you say, we work on Joey and you work on Chandler, and somehow we'll get them to patch things up?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. Okay, goodnight Ross. Bye, Rach." Monica hung up, then glanced at Chandler who was still lost in his thoughts. She sighed and said softly, "So... um, that's really bad news for Joey, huh? I hope he's gonna be okay."

Chandler groaned with concern and remorse. He feared that this situation was all his fault somehow; he instinctively felt responsible for Joey, after all these years of looking after him.

Monica continued prodding, "It kinda puts everything in perspective, you know? I mean, fights really don't seem important anymore, when a friend's in trouble." She kept watching her husband for a reaction. "So maybe we should call him up and see how he's doing?"

Chandler gulped and realized what she was getting at; if Joey couldn't afford to give them a loan, then it made no sense to be mad at him and refuse to see him. Chandler couldn't tell her that he wasn't mad at all, just terribly lonely and afraid of his feelings for Joey. He felt helpless and didn't know how to plausibly reject her seemingly harmless suggestion.

"Come on," she nudged Chandler, "you don't have to make up with him right away. We don't even have to bring it up. We can just, like, wish him luck with getting a new job. You know, I'm sure he feels just as awful as you do about your fight."

In turmoil, Chandler tried to convince himself that making contact was a good, sensible idea; he would at least be able to communicate with Joey again, after all. He could ask why Joey hadn't mentioned this before, and explain to him that they never cashed the $2000 check, so he didn't need to worry so much. And yet, how would Chandler cope with hearing Joey's voice again? How could he stop from picturing Joey's face and remembering their kisses? How could he bear the ache and the longing?

"I-I can't!" Chandler shook his head and choked up miserably. Unable to deal with all this stress, he got up from the couch and fled upstairs to the refuge of Joey's bedroom again.

"Chandler!" Monica threw up her hands with disappointment and frustration. Apparently, he just wasn't ready to have contact with Joey again. What was wrong with him? How bad could their fight have been anyway? She just couldn't understand what could possibly be holding Chandler back from his best friend after all these years, nor why he wouldn't even discuss it with her.

Well, perhaps Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe would have more luck in convincing Joey to confess and bridge the gap. She gave up on the problem for the time being and instead got the babies ready for bed. Then she prepared lunch for Chander for tomorrow, since she would be visiting her dad in Massapequa at that time. Her mom would be out with some friends of hers, and hopefully the financial business wouldn't take too long.

It was not long before Monica soon retired to bed.

That night, Chandler again slept apart from Monica, feeling more unhappy than ever. He tossed and turned much of the night, anxiously worrying about Joey and wondering what he should do.

On Saturday morning, Phoebe came over to see Joey again, to help him rehearse his lines like she had promised. She found that Joey was still in bed--in Chandler's old room--so she assumed that he was just sleeping in. She shook him awake and said, "Come on, Joey. I know it's Saturday, but you've got lines to learn, mister!"

Joey groaned and rolled away from her, pulling the covers over his head. He didn't want to see her now. He didn't want to see anybody. He just wanted to stay in bed and finish his dream about Chandler. They were together, before Monica, before the kids. It was London, and they were making love in their hotel room instead of fighting all day.

Phoebe sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to be encouraging. "Hey, I know it's a lot of lines to memorize, but we'll take it slow, okay? Just get up and shower right now. I'll make us some breakfast again, and we can watch some morning cartoons with the birds first. Huh?"

He wouldn't get up, or even turn to face her. "No."

"Joey!"

"Go away!" Joey insisted with a pout. "Go hang out with Ross and Rachel, or--or go home and see your boyfriend!"

"Nah, he's all worn out after our date last night!" But she realized that Joey was not amused by this, so she got serious again. "Come on, what's wrong, Joey?" She sighed and patted his head tenderly. "Are you upset about your fight with Chandler?"

Joey sniffled and retreated further under the covers with guilt and loneliness. He missed Chandler so much.

"Come on, can you at least tell me what you guys were fighting about? Chandler wouldn't tell me."

Joey was confused. "You talked to him?"

"Yeah, a couple of days ago. You were moping here, and I stopped by his work to ask him to come cheer you up, but then he told me that you guys weren't speaking to each other anymore, but he wouldn't say why."

Joey was hurt and shocked, finally turning to face her. "He--he said that? We're not speaking to each other anymore?" Chandler didn't want to see him again. Chandler hated him now.

Phoebe was surprised but pleased that Joey did apparently want to make up with Chandler. He did miss him after all. "Oh, I don't think he really means it. He's just being a big jerk right now, but don't worry. He'll cool down soon and you guys will make up again like you always do."

Joey shook his head and didn't feel so confident. "No, 'cause everything's so messed up now, and..." He trailed off, then sighed and said with a frown, "Maybe I should just leave here. I-I should move to L.A. or something."

Phoebe gaped. "What?! Are you crazy?"

Joey said, "Yeah, I should go. If Chandler doesn't wanna see me anymore..." He sniffled heartbrokenly. "And I'm gonna get fired from my job soon too, so I should start over somewhere else, you know?"

"No! No way, Joey! You can't go. What about all the rest of us? You don't care about us?"

"But you guys don't need me, Pheebs. You've all moved on and settled down and had kids. I'm alone, and getting phased out. There's no point." He hoped that moving to L.A. would help him to get over Chandler. Maybe he'd even run into his old flame Kate Miller. Joey wasn't sure if he was straight anymore, but it couldn't hurt to try. Maybe his feelings for Chandler was just a fluke.

"Joey, no! Don't go. You're not getting phased out! You're still our friend, and we'd miss you if you moved that far away. I mean, we all made a big deal about Rachel deciding to move to Paris for that job, and I don't even like her half as much as I like you. Stay!" Realizing that she couldn't just command him to stay like a dog, she added, "Besides, Joey, you're gonna need a new job, and I don't have any contacts in L.A. to get you auditions there. You should stay here now."

Joey thought about that, and reluctantly saw her point. "I guess so. It's just, I-I can't take living here anymore. There's too many memories." He broke down.

"I know, honey, I know." She pulled him close and hugged him while he cried on her shoulder. "Don't worry. We'll figure something out. I'll help you make up with Chandler, even if I have to kick his ass!"

Suddenly, Ross and Rachel entered the apartment and called out Joey's name. They had left Emma with a baby-sitter.

Phoebe heard them in the living room and answered, "Ross? Rachel? We're over here."

They came into the bedroom and saw Joey crying while Phoebe comforted him, so they gathered around and tried to join the hug.

"Oh, sweetie!"

"Joey, you okay?"

Phoebe told them that Joey was sad about Chandler and had even considered moving away.

"What? No. Not across the country!"

Ross tried to be helpful. "It can't be that bad, Joe, and it's not to late to fix things. I still don't understand why you didn't just tell Chandler that you were losing your job to begin with."

"Huh?"

"What?" Joey gulped back his sobs and looked at them bewilderedly.

Rachel explained to him and Phoebe, "Oh, we called Monica and Chandler last night, and they told us that the big fight was about money. They were having some financial problems and Chandler came to ask Joey for a loan."

Phoebe was surprised and confused. Why didn't Joey or Monica or Chandler tell her this earlier? It had been almost a week already.

Ross nodded and continued the story. "But Joey refused to give them the money, and he tried to convince them to move back to the city because of that 'stupid house in the stupid suburbs' thing. But look, Joey, if you had just told them that you couldn't afford to give them a loan, I'm sure they would have understood. Chandler had no idea that you were losing your job, and he was very upset last night."

Joey tried to make sense of Ross's words. "What? But I-I didn't know I was losing my job until Thursday. Chandler asked me for the loan on Monday."

"Oh." Ross realized his mistake.

"Oh right! You were moping since Monday." Rachel also looked embarrassed about getting mixed up. "Well, that explains it then."

Joey asked them, "You guys talked to Chandler? Did he say anything else?"

"Well, we didn't actually talk to him," Rachel said. "Monica was telling us everything on the phone, but we did hear him in the background with the babies."

"He was shocked, and I think we gave him the wrong impression that you knew you were fired all along. Sorry. I guess we'll have to call them back and straighten it out."

Phoebe suggested, "Or Joey could talk to Chandler directly and they can make up."

Ross and Rachel thought that was a good idea, but Joey just frowned anxiously. "Did he say, he doesn't want to speak to me again?"

Ross and Rachel obviously didn't want to tell him Monica's comment about Chandler not wanting to see him anymore, but the guilty looks on their faces were enough to tip off Joey.

Joey looked hurt and withdrew from everybody's embrace miserably. He lay down and pulled the covers over his head again, starting to cry anew.

They all tried to comfort him, but he wanted to be alone. "Go away!" He kicked and pushed them away.

"Joey, we just wanna help you."

"Yeah!"

"Then go--go feed the chick and duck or something!"

The baby birds were indeed awake by now and were loudly chirping and quacking for attention.

Ross and Rachel wanted to stay with Joey, but Phoebe sensed that it was useless now, so she pulled them from the bed and whispered, "Let's just give him a minute alone."

So they went into the living room to feed the birds and turn on the TV to entertain them. Ross and Rachel decided to make breakfast; they figured that food, surely, would attract Joey out of bed, so they made eggs and bacon while Phoebe watched the birds.

They all discussed Joey and the telephone conversation with Monica further. Ross and Rachel explained that Monica had already worked out a plan with her father to get money, and they swore Phoebe to secrecy as well.

"Man, if people just told us their problems, it would so much easier!" Phoebe complained. "What's with this damn communication problem ever since they moved to suburbs?"

Ross shrugged. "I guess it's just them being busy with the babies and almost never answering the phone when we call."

"Well, then we should visit Westchester more often or something. Joey went there every weekend these past few months."

Rachel nodded. "I know. It's just, it's an hour there, and an hour back, and we're usually busy with work, or Emma, or the birds when Joey has us babysit. It's just not the same as when Monica and Chandler lived five minutes away."

"Yeah, and I guess I was too busy fighting with Mike and complaining about him to you guys to think about going to Westchester to hang out with crying, needy babies for hours. I figured that Joey counted for all of us, you know." Phoebe sighed. "So I guess all we have to worry about now is getting Joey a new job and getting him to make up with Chandler."

"Yeah, and don't forget your divorce from Mike. How'd things go with the lawyer?"

"Fine. I think it will be easy to divide everything, because Mike had been secretly storing a bunch of his old furniture and bachelor stuff at one of those rental lots after he moved in with me. It was 'just in case' our marriage didn't work out. Hmph!" That was one of the reasons why she came to distrust Mike and fight with him so much.

Phoebe changed the subject and told them about her great date with David last night, and how they were going to see each other again.

They all waited for Joey to leave the bedroom, and even tried to go back and talk to him again, but he had locked to the door and wouldn't respond to them. Ross and Rachel got frustrated, and they had to go home to Emma anymore, so Phoebe assured them that she would stay longer and hopefully rehearse lines with him if he felt up to it later.

She said goodbye to them, then put away Joey's untouched breakfast into the fridge while she ordered some pizza for herself. Maybe the smell of a Joey special would attract him? When the delivery arrived, Phoebe ate some slices of the cheese pizza and shared a little crust with the birds, but Joey still wouldn't come out.

She stood at the door. "Come on, Joey. We won't talk about Chandler anymore if you don't want to. You wanna hear about my divorce? Or David? Or wanna rehearse some lines for your auditions next week?" Still, he said nothing. "Aren't you even hungry? There's plenty of pizza left, and there's some bacon and eggs in the fridge."

After a while, Joey reluctantly came out of the bedroom to use the bathroom, but he wouldn't face her and only grunted when she tried to ask him which food he wanted her to heat up for him.

Then Joey finally came out after washing up and he ate some cold slices of pizza, but it was not with his usual ravenous appetite or enjoyment. He just sat in his recliner and stared at the TV with Chick Jr and Duck Jr, but he wasn't really paying attention.

Phoebe sat on the arm and hugged Joey while she patted his head. "It's gonna be okay."

He said, "I don't wanna talk."

"Okay." So she fell silent and watched TV with him until he finished nibbling and decided to go back to bed and mope some more.

Phoebe offered to take the birds to her apartment again, so they wouldn't make so much noise and bother him, and he agreed with a shrug. He wanted to be alone.

She gathered up the birds into their carrier and turned off the TV. "Just remember, there's more food in the fridge if you get hungry, and if you wanna talk later, call me or Ross and Rachel."

"Okay. Bye." He went back into Chandler's old room and shut the door without looking at her.

She was actually glad that Joey chose that room because, even though the slashed door had been repaired in recent years, there was still a weak point in the door that they could break if they really needed to get inside again. For now, she just gave him his privacy.

Phoebe left with the birds and decided to go across the street to tell Ross and Rachel about how Joey was doing, before she headed home.

Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica shared a strained breakfast. Chandler still didn't want to talk about Joey so he wouldn't meet her eyes, and Monica didn't have time to get into another big fight with him since she was going to see her dad today. She would wait until she got home again before trying to prod him further to make up with Joey. Maybe she'd even stop on her way back home to consult with Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe about the situation too.

So Monica got ready to go, making sure there were enough bottles in the fridge for the babies and telling Chandler that she had prepared a lunch for him to heat up later.

Then she got her purse and left, driving to meet her dad in Massapequa, out on Long Island. She hoped that traffic would be fairly light this morning and that her mom Judy wouldn't unexpectedly show up despite her dad's precautions. She hoped that the real estate agent and the car dealer guy would both give her good deals, so that their money problems would be fixed.

As she drove through Manhattan in the Porsche, Monica noticed all the city conveniences and nice restaurants that she missed because she had been living in the suburbs lately. The twins (and the house) had been her top priorities for these past few months, but now she itched to get back to work soon and be among grownups again. Then she felt guilty about that. But really, according to books and everything, working mothers naturally felt guilt about leaving their new babies behind. So Monica tried to cope with it.

When she arrived in Massapequa, her dad greeted her with a warm hug and kiss, then he introduced her to the car dealer, who admired the Porsche.

"What a beautifully maintained car! I had some doubts, since you said it had been in the family so long, and that she had twins, but wow, there's not a scratch on it, and I don't see any spills and stains inside either."

"That's my Harmonica."

The car dealer laughed, then began a more thorough inspection of the car to determine its trade-in value, and he even asked if Monica would take out the baby seats in the back for now. "You'll be wanting a nice sturdy family vehicle instead, right?"

"Yeah."

As the inspection continued, Monica put the car seats onto the porch and commented to Jack, "Dad, isn't it kind of unusual for a car dealer to make a house call? I'm surprised he didn't want me to bring the Porsche over to their dealership."

Jack explained, "Oh yeah, but this guy's really good and he's doing us a favor. Richard recommended him to me after he sold his Jaguar to him."

"Richard?" Monica blinked. "Sold his Jaguar?"

"Yeah, 'cause he's moving to Paris soon." When he saw how shocked she looked, he misintrepreted her feelings. "Oh, don't worry, sweetie, I didn't tell him about your money problems. I don't think he'd really spill it to Judy, but no need to get into it since he's leaving. I just said that you were looking to buy a practical family car for commuting."

"Richard?" Monica was stunned. "Moving? To Paris? When? Why?"

Jack realized that he'd been absent-minded. "Oh, I didn't tell you before? I'm sorry. Yeah, he's moving with his fiancée to Paris in like six weeks. Her job got relocated there, and he decided to go and live with her there. He even officially turned the practice over to his son Tim." Jack sighed wistfully. "Boy am I gonna miss him, but he said he'd call and invite us to visit them once they get settled."

"F-f-fiancée?" Monica couldn't help talking in broken questions. "Who? When did he--?"

"Her name's Janet something. I forget the rest. Remember when I told you that he was selling his apartment to buy a bigger place? Well, when he moved, she lived in the same building, and they got to talking sometime and they've been dating since then. Didn't I mention the proposal? It was really cute. Oh wait, that might have been just after Erica gave birth at the hospital, so I might have forgot in all the excitement with the twins."

Monica was speechless and wide-eyed. Richard was getting married. Richard was moving to Paris. He sold his car and everything. She couldn't believe it.

Meanwhile, Jack talked with the car dealer about the inspection and haggled with him over the value. Monica didn't pay attention and only responded blankly whenever they spoke to her.

Soon the dealer left, saying that he would let her discuss the deal with her husband too before making a final decision. He planned to have some nice family cars for them to choose from whenever they brought the Porche to his dealership. "Nice doing business with you folks. Take care of the Porsche. Goodbye."

"Bye," Jack said as he shook the man's hand, then watched him drive away. "You hear that honey? Can I find you a good deal or what? Anyway, let's go inside and have lunch. Then I'll show you the papers that the real estate agent wants us to sign about the beach house."

Monica remained in a daze. "Just, just a minute, Dad. I wanna put the baby seats back in the car, before I forget."

"Oh, right. Well, I'll go set the table in the kitchen."

"Okay."

After Jack went inside, Monica just stood there on the porch for a while and took a long, uneasy breath. Against her will, the ghost of an old love was stirring in her heart, and she could not stop thinking about Paris.


	10. A Stupid House in the Stupid Suburbs

**Thank you to everyone who stayed with this story for this long. It's nice to know that there are still Joey/Chandler fans out there who haven't given up on them. Hopefully you will enjoy all the action in these final chapters.**

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After leaving her dad's place in Massapequa, Monica got into the Porsche and drove toward home, or at least to Manhattan, where she had planned to visit her old friends and ask about Joey. But as she grew closer to the old neighborhood in Greenwich Village, she also grew more and more agitated about Richard. He was uprooting his whole life, apparently, for some girlfriend that she'd never heard of before, and it knocked Monica for a loop.

She remembered back when they were dating, and they had discussed their future together. Richard had said to her, "Well, uh, sometimes I think about selling my practice. We could move to France. Make French toast." That of course led to their pivotal talk about bassinets and babies, and eventually to their breakup.

Starting to cry from the memory, Monica pulled the car over and parked while she tried to compose herself. She wasn't sure why she felt so upset about this, as if the heartbreak were fresh. Was it normal to get emotional when an ex married someone else? Had Richard felt the same tug of melancholy when she married Chandler? Monica recalled that Rachel had suddenly rushed to London hoping to stop Ross's marriage to Emily, but she quickly lost interest in him after his divorce, acting like a madwoman about her latest crush. Maybe Monica's surge of old love was just a fleeting, meaningless reaction too. And yet, what if it wasn't? Ross and Rachel had ultimately reunited, after all, and were trying to make it permanent.

On impulse, Monica took her cellphone out of her purse and called Richard's real estate agent from the last time that Richard had sold his apartment; Monica improvised and claimed that she again had a friend who was interested in buying it.

The agent offered to call Richard and schedule a tour of the apartment, but Monica said that she just wanted to know where the apartment was, to find out whether her friend would be interested in that neighborhood. So the agent told her the address and described the apartment's many desirable features, as well as its upscale price.

Monica thanked the woman for the information and said that her friend would get back to the agent if interested. Hanging up, Monica then drove to Richard's current apartment building and found a parking space nearby. She felt compelled to see him one last time, before he left for Paris and it was too late.

She hesitated outside, wondering whether she should call Richard first, but she didn't know what she'd say on the phone. She needed to see him face to face. After a while, somebody came out of the apartment building, so Monica called out, "Excuse me!" and squinted. She pretended that she had a problem with a contact lens irritating her and needed to see her eye doctor quickly about changing the prescription. Her deception was helped by the fact that her eyes were still somewhat red and swollen, so the stranger let her into the building, and directed her to the elevator so that she could get to Dr. Burke's apartment upstairs.

When she exited the elevator and reached his apartment, Monica then took a deep breath and timidly knocked.

When he answered the door, Richard was clearly startled to see her, but he smiled with his usual charm. "Monica! What a surprise. It's been so long..." But looking more closely, he noticed that she had been crying. He frowned with concern and waved her into his apartment. "Are you okay? Uh, did the meeting with the car dealer go all right?" Richard hoped that nothing had gone wrong.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah." She sat down in his living room, looking rather jittery and distracted.

He gave her tissues and offered her a drink to calm her nerves. "Scotch on the rocks with a twist?" He remembered.

Dabbing her eyes and staring at the contents of his ashtray on the coffee table, she mumbled something about him still smoking cigars.

He smiled and joked affably, "Yeah, I can't break my bad habits at my age." His years of smoking hadn't taken a toll on his appearance, though; Richard still looked remarkably handsome and youthful for a man in his mid fifties. "That's one of the reasons I'm moving to France," he added. "They don't have so many anti-smoking laws." Richard gave her the drink, with a coaster, then sat down on his couch opposite her. "By the way, Monica, congratulations on adopting those twins. You and Chandler must be so happy now. I know how long you've wanted babies, and I know you must be a wonderful mother."

Monica winced and didn't want to talk about that. She gulped the scotch and said, "What about you, huh? Dad just told me about--about you going to Paris. In six weeks?" Her voice cracked a little. "And, and you're engaged too? Are you gonna get married in France?"

He shrugged. "Oh I don't know. We haven't made any specific plans yet. It might be very romantic and beautiful to have a wedding in France. But then again, both of us have family and friends here, so we may decide to just come back here and make the wedding more convenient for everybody. But yes, we're leaving in six weeks because of Janet's job. I've still got a lot of packing to do. Hmm, I wonder if it would be better to just sell this place with the furniture included, and only take my favorite stuff with me to France."

Her heart ached at hearing him speak like this, and she struggled with her words. "This--this is such a shock. You moving and getting married... I mean, the last time I saw you, you--you proposed to me. Remember?"

Richard nodded with embarrassment and coughed uncomfortably, wondering why she brought that up now. "Uh, yes. I'm so sorry about that, Monica. Really. Believe me, I had no idea about Chandler's plans at the time, and I was out of line anyway. I hope he doesn't hold a grudge against me or anything." Seeing the negative look on her face, he added, "In any case, just tell him that I'll be out of your hair soon enough. I won't keep coming back to haunt you, like Chandler's Janice."

Monica couldn't laugh at his joke, and it only reinforced the idea that this was the last time she would ever see him. She returned to her earlier point. "You even said you'd have kids with me."

Richard didn't like the way that she harped on the past. "That was back then..." he reminded her pointedly. "Over four years ago."

"Are you going to have kids with Janet too? Does she want babies? Would you give up smoking for them?"

Richard fidgeted and found the whole conversation inappropriate and troubling. He got up to pace around the room, then suggested quietly, "Monica, I-I think maybe you should go home now."

"Why?!" she protested, slamming down her drink hard enough to spill some of it, "So you don't have to answer my question? I had to stand there while you told me you still loved me in that kitchen!"

Horrified by her outburst, he apologized again, and spoke to her as rationally and gently as he could, "Monica, please. That's all over, and you know that. I've moved on since then. You moved on too, a long time ago. I-I don't know where this is coming from..."

Monica stood up and walked towards him, shaking her head miserably. "It's just--it's just... how could you go to France with her?" She felt cheated. "It's not fair! That's what we were supposed to do. You and me! We were gonna move to France, and make French toast, and have a little bassinet in the corner! We were supposed to have kids named Emma and Daniel, and--and walk them in the stroller down the streets of Paris. And we were supposed to live in an elegant old chateau filled with beautiful antiques, not--not some stupid house in the stupid suburbs!" She practically shouted the last part.

Richard stared at her in shock and dismay. Why would she vehemently dismiss Westchester like that, as if she hated her life there? He had no idea of any rumblings of dissatisfaction, based on what Jack Geller had told him in passing, nor had Richard expected Monica to construct such an involved fantasy about what might have been. He was utterly lost for words.

Monica wretchedly burst into tears upon realizing that she had echoed Joey's oft-repeated complaint. Suburban life had proved to be far more harried and out of her control than she could have imagined; the white picket fence and the wainscotting didn't magically create an immaculate atmosphere of perfection after all, and it was a huge disappointment.

Richard hesitated when she started crying, but finally he could not resist the impulse to go over to her and hug her. He tried to make sense of her words while he held her against his shoulder. "Monica, why are you here?" he asked her with a sigh. "What happened at home? What's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" she choked through her sobs. "Everything!" In a rush, she told him of her problems in Westchester, with Chandler, the house, the twins, and her mother. She felt trapped in an impossible situation, and only now admitted this to herself.

Though some of her words were unintelligible, Richard sympathized with her obvious distress. He stroked her hair soothingly and told her, "Well, then you should probably talk to Chandler about this, you know? And maybe your friends and family too, for some extra help and support. It'll be okay."

Still crying, she shook her head and moaned against his shoulder, unconvinced.

"It's not hopeless, Monica," he insisted. "I mean, you're just... trying to adjust to suburban life, that's all, and the babies too. Of course it's not gonna easy, let alone perfect! But Chandler's a good guy, and you can work these things out together."

He tried to gently pull away from their embrace and tell her to go home again, but she didn't want to leave his arms, for they brought back such warm memories of their old love. It also made her fantasy about Paris seem more vivid and real.

"Come on," he whispered insistently. When he raised her head to face him and reached to wipe away her tears, she met his eyes and pulled him down for a kiss. Richard kissed her back at first, but then he sharply stopped it and backed away, mortified.

"No! Monica! You're married, with kids! And I'm engaged. You--you don't know what you're doing here. You love Chandler! That's what's real. Not some what-could-have-beens about us in Paris. Please stop this and go home. You've gotta pull yourself together before you throw everything you have away."

"I'm sorry!" She wept again, feeling foolish and guilty. "I-I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry!" She turned away in turmoil and grabbed her purse before running out of the apartment.

He stood in the doorway and called after her, "Do you want me to call one of your friends to come get you?" He didn't think she was in any shape for driving.

She shook her head and just pressed the button for the elevator more vigorously. She took out a tissue and hid her tears behind it. Then the elevator arrived and she hurried inside it, giving a final glance at Richard before the elevator doors closed.

When she was gone, Richard slowly shut his apartment door and returned to his living room. Sitting down, he lit a cigar again and sighed heavily, feeling mixed up by the whole incident. He was quite concerned about Monica and wondered whether he should call one of her friends anyway, or her father, and tell them what had happened. On the other hand, that might cause more problems for her, and maybe he should let her tell them herself in her own time.

Frowning, Richard glanced at the drink Monica had left behind, with lipstick still on the rim. He got up to wash it before his fiancée could drop by and get suspicious about it. Richard wondered whether he ought to tell her of this run-in with his ex.

He also tried to ignore the disturbing fact that kissing Monica again had stirred up old memories in him. He told himself that this was mere sentimentality and nostalgia, though, and it was not real. He still could not decide what to tell Janet.

Too distraught to drive, Monica didn't go straight home after leaving Richard's building. Instead, she got back inside her parked car and sat sobbing for a long time. Richard's words had finally knocked some sense into her, and she now regretted coming to see him. It was a crazy, stupid thing to do. What was wrong with her? How could she forget her home and her family like that? How could she kiss him? Monica felt ashamed and miserable.

When her tears began to subside, she looked at herself in the rearview mirror as she blew her nose. She wasn't a bad person, was she? Not really? Monica thought about what Richard said--that she was just adjusting to suburban life. Could her troubles really be that simple? Was she just on edge because of her recent fight with Chandler, and the fact that he hadn't been sleeping with her for a week? Was the messy, incomplete state of her house making her envy Richard's tempting plans to move to Paris and have a fresh start? Was she just exhausted and stressed out? Maybe it was all of these reasons and more.

Monica got out of the car at last and took a long walk, hoping to clear her head. As she passed by all the skyscrapers and the noisy crowds, it occurred to her that maybe she missed New York too. Maybe she missed working and living in the big city; maybe she felt cut off from the world. At the restaurant, she had been the head chef, boss to a whole staff of workers. At home, even though she was still the boss there, she did not seem to have the same success at managing her environment. No matter how much energy or organization Monica put into the house or the babies, her plans went awry through the random chaos of daily living. She had been forced to postpone furnishing and decorating the house for three months, after all, which made her feel ineffective and frustrated.

At work, Monica also had customers with cultivated palates who fully appreciated the sophisticated cuisine that she prepared for them. At home, the twins simply wanted formula or breastmilk, and Chandler could be happy with nothing more fancy than beer and pizza. It was like her talents were going to waste every day.

Monica brooded about these issues and wondered whether returning to work early might give her some relief, or would she only feel guilty for "abandoning" the babies to daycare so soon? Her mother Judy would most certainly lay a guilt trip on her, regardless. Still undecided, Monica finally glanced a clock and realized how many hours she had been away from home. She gasped and turned around, hurrying back to the parked car. After getting in, she checked her appearance in the mirror, then started the car and pulled out, hoping that Chandler would not be suspicious.

She spent the whole drive home thinking up a plausible excuse for her tardiness and rehearsing it. Sometimes her thoughts strayed to Richard again, but she scolded herself for it. And when she finally arrived in Westchester at almost 3:30, she had to take a deep breath before unlocking the front door and entering.

"I'm back," she said as casually as she could, while coming inside.

Chandler was sitting in the living room with the babies, and he jumped a little as she opened the door. He had heard her park the car outside, and some paranoid part of him had imagined for a moment that it was Joey in a taxi, and he panicked, not knowing what to say to him.

When he realized that it was just Monica, Chandler looked away and spoke listlessly, "Oh. Hi." His relief was mixed with disappointment, though, because part of him was still worried, aching to see Joey again and know how he was doing.

Monica said, "I'm sorry I'm late. I forgot to call. Anyway, the car appraisal went great, and the dealer gave us a written offer." She dug the paper out of her purse, along with their copies of the real estate paperwork that she had signed today. She figured that getting him distracted with the papers would keep him from inquiring about her delay. "If we accept this offer, then we can bring the Porsche to his dealership next week and get a deal on a new minivan or something."

Chandler took the papers from her and gave them a cursory glance, but he couldn't really focus and just put them aside on the coffee table, on top of some clutter. He rubbed his temple as if he had a headache. "I'll look at it later."

"Oh. Okay." She got a little flustered again, then turned to Jack and Erica. "How were the babies today?" She went over to greet them with tender kisses.

As she passed by him, Chandler shrugged and moved to another chair. "Fine," he answered, "but they got a bit upset when you still weren't home after they woke up from their afternoon nap."

"Oh, I'm sorry. You must be so tired." She hugged the babies soothingly and rocked them in her arms while she whispered, "Mommy's here now. Mommy's here." Keeping her back to Chandler, she choked up a little from the guilt of what she had done at Richard's apartment. How could she have risked her precious family on such a reckless impulse?

Preoccupied by his own emotions, Chandler took the opportunity that her words had offered him. "Yeah, really tired. I think I'm gonna go take a nap now..." He started to get up from the chair and gather up the papers from the coffeetable. "So I'll take these with me--"

Hearing that, Monica turned around at last. "What? You're going now?"

Chandler bit his lip and froze in place. He should have known better; she wasn't going to let him retreat upstairs that easily anymore. Still, he tried again, "It's just--it's been a long day."

"Try being alone with them all day during the week like I am!" she said with some exasperation.

There was nothing he could say to trump that, obviously, so he sat down in defeat and sighed, waiting to be lectured for his insensitivity. "Sorry."

Monica, however, felt suddenly guilty for saying that, as if her babies were a terrible hassle that she couldn't wait to dump in daycare! They did exhaust her daily, but Monica loved them, and she didn't really want to be rid of them.

Chandler was surprised when she didn't say anything else, and he turned to look at her cautiously. He saw her embracing the babies tightly, almost desperately, like he did lately when he missed Joey and had to remind himself that he couldn't leave his kids. Or was he just projecting his own guilt onto her somehow?

To break the strange, uncomfortable silence in the room, he coughed and said, "So... did Ross find you today?"

"What?"

"Ross. He called here earlier and wanted to talk to you. I told him that you were out visiting your dad for lunch, so he said he would try calling you there or on your cellphone if you already left Massapequa. You didn't talk to him?"

"Uh, no. I-I must have missed his call." She dug her cellphone out of her purse and realized that she had switched it off after speaking to Richard's real estate agent. She winced at the reminder. "Oh, I accidentally turned it off. Was--was it anything important?"

"I don't know. He thought that maybe you could stop by and visit him on your way home or something. That's why I thought you were late. But I guess you didn't see him, huh?"

She fidgeted nervously and feared that Chandler was growing suspicious about her tardiness. Damn it! Why couldn't she have just gone to see Ross and the rest like she had planned to?

Chandler noticed her hesitation, and he sat up with an anxious frown. "You--you went to see somebody else? Was it Joey?"

"Joey?"

He looked more worried. "You tried to talk to him about our fight, didn't you?"

Monica decided to play along with his accusation. "Well, I-I just thought I could help out--"

"You can't!" Chandler was very upset. "I don't wanna talk about it, and Joey wouldn't..." He trailed off and seemed uncertain, whispering, "Did he say anything to you?"

Monica recalled what Ross and Rachel had told her on the phone about Joey's behavior. "No, uh, he didn't wanna talk either. So I gave up waiting and went home." Putting down the babies, she approached Chandler apologetically and rubbed his arm. "I just want you guys to make up and get past this, you know? Can't you talk about it with me at least?"

Chandler shook his head and turned away from her.

His reticence was driving her nuts, and she really wanted to bridge the distance between them. "Why can't we talk about it? What's bothering you so much? Come on, it's just me, honey. I love you." With that, she started to cry from her guilt and pulled him close to kiss him.

He resisted and pushed her away; it reminded him too much of the night he'd kissed Joey. "No! Stop it!" He even moved away to another chair and wiped his lips, while she looked hurt. Then he blinked and realized that he tasted something different in her kiss. "Were you smoking?" he asked in disbelief.

"What?" Monica played dumb, but avoided his eyes.

"You--you taste like you've been smoking." He frowned and looked at her sharply. "But you don't smoke."

Monica gulped at her blunder; she should have brushed her teeth or rinsed with mouthwash, but she had forgotten that Chandler used to smoke and would recognize the faintest trace of his former habit. "Oh, um, well, I-I smoked a little today because I got stressed out."

"You wouldn't smoke!" he insisted. "When you're stressed out, you clean. Besides, when I sneak a smoke every now and then, you get mad at me and flush my cigarettes."

"I know," she said, "but I was feeling anxious about Joey... and about our fight--"

"Wait, that wasn't even cigarette smoke!" Chandler thought it over further. "It was too strong, more like a cigar." His eyes widened with recollection. "Like Richard smokes!"

She bluffed and rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Richard! Come on, you're just paranoid about him, Chandler. It wasn't a cigar. It was one of my dad's cigarettes. You know that he secretly smokes?"

Chandler wouldn't be deterred, becoming more firm in his opinion. "No, I know what Richard's cigars smell like! You do too! You used to smell them after you broke up with them."

She scoffed. "It's been years since we've seen Richard! How do you even remember what his cigars smell like? I don't."

"I was in his old apartment just last year, with Joey! The whole place stank of him! So did the tape."

"That was still a year ago!"

"Why were you late today, Monica? If you weren't visiting Ross, then where were you all this time?" He no longer believed her story about seeing Joey and accused her outright, "You were with Richard! For hours! You slept with him, didn't you?"

"No! No! How could you think--?" She wanted to protest that he was leaping to crazy conclusions, but she felt wracked by guilt because he was almost right. "I kissed him!" she confessed, breaking down into tears. "I just kissed him."

Chandler stared at her without blinking. His anger abated now that she had admitted to a much lesser offense than he had imagined, but still, he swallowed and got very quiet. "You kissed him?"

She hurried to explain, "I'm sorry! I-I don't know what I was thinking! It's just, my dad told me today that Richard had sold his car and he was moving to France with his fiancée, and I-I was so shocked and upset. I couldn't believe it, and I-I drove to Richard's apartment." She wrung her hands with remorse. "I-I said some hysterical stuff and made a scene while he tried to calm me down, and then I kissed him. I'm sorry, Chandler! I'm sorry! I wish I'd never gone there. I left right away and kept trying to figure out why I did that. I love you, Chandler. I do. I was just, just stressed out about the house and us fighting and never going to Paris--" She tried to tell him all the reasons why she felt unhappy and trapped in the suburbs, but he interrupted her.

Thinking of his own guilty actions, Chandler frowned and whispered abruptly, "I kissed Joey."

"Huh? What?" She wasn't sure if she had heard him correctly.

"I kissed him," he repeated, almost feeling relieved to admit it. Then, standing up from his chair and looking sad, he paced to the other side of the couch as he told her, "The other night, when I asked him for the loan. He--he begged us to move back to the city, because he thought we were phasing him out like Kip. He thought... he'd lose me. So I asked him--I asked him to come live with us. Move into his room and bring his furniture. Babysit the kids and help us pay the bills." He closed his eyes and wistfully imagined this scenario.

"Wh-what?" For a moment she was bewildered enough by this statement to forget him kissing Joey. "You just invited him to live here, without asking me?"

Chandler shrugged. "I told you, when we were engaged, that Joey would live with us someday. Grow old with us." He opened his eyes and stared into space forlornly. "When I asked him, he was so happy, and he hugged me, and--and kissed me. We... got carried away, but after that, I panicked and ran out of there."

Monica gaped at him speechlessly; too shocked and confused to cry anymore, she tried to grasp what it all meant. This was the big secret he had been hiding from her all week? This was why he came home that night and said he would never speak to Joey again? And why he behaved weirdly and slept in Joey's bedroom? Oh God.

Chandler winced and glanced bitterly at the babies, who didn't understand what was going on at all. "What great parents you have--just like your grandma and grandpa Bing." He felt sick inside.

Monica at last stammered, "B-but Joey's straight. Why would he--? And you--What are you saying, Chandler? Do you mean that you're gay?"

Chandler pondered how to explain what he felt, how the kiss had opened his eyes and turned his heart upside-down. "I love him," he said simply, closing his eyes again. "I love him and I miss him and..." He broke off and turned away, too upset to say more.

Stunned and hurt by his words, she stood up and approached him miserably. "Love him? You mean, you don't love me anymore? You--you want a divorce?"

Looking up at last, he moved away from her and went to the front door with sudden determination.

"Chandler, where are you going?"

He stopped at the door. "I'm going to see Joey. I-I have to see him. Know how he feels."

She began crying again. "You're leaving me? Right now? What about the kids?"

He considered this, feeling torn, but finally he told her, "You--you can have the kids. You've wanted them so long, and--and maybe you and Richard can raise them without screwing 'em up like I would." He was more convinced than ever that Bings were cursed to have disastrous marriages and screwed up families.

"Chandler, no! He doesn't want me. He loves his fiancée, and he's going to Paris."

Chandler looked genuinely surprised by that. "But you kissed him. And the last time we saw him, he was on a date, and you and me had been together for two years, but he still came back and proposed to you anyway." Chandler rationalized, "So he'll change his mind and come back if you tell him what happened."

"No, Chandler!" She didn't hold out any such hope, since Richard had been so adamant about moving on and making her go home to Chandler. "He won't come back, not this time. Don't leave like this! Please!"

"But Joey needs me!" he insisted. "He's gonna lose his job, and he's alone. Maybe--maybe he'll let me move back in and take care of him again." Maybe Joey might even love him too, and they could be more than roommates this time.

"We need you, Chandler. Me and the babies!"

Chandler shook his head. "No, you don't! You need Richard. That's why you went and kissed him today, see? Because you love him." Convinced of that, he turned and rushed out the door, heading toward the Porsche in the driveway.

"Chandler! Wait!" She almost followed after him, but the twins had become increasingly distressed by this strange confrontation between their parents, and they were crying loudly now. So she returned to their side and picked them up, rocking them soothingly even though she was far from calm herself.

Meanwhile, she heard Chandler start the car and drive off, and she sobbed more fiercely. She didn't know what she was going to do. How could Chandler just abandon her like this after three years of marriage, and three months with their twins? How could he believe that Richard just would step in and take his place? Surely Chandler would change his mind and turn around once he realized what he had done?

Monica clutched the babies close to her and cried with them. Why did Chandler believe that she loved Richard, not him, even though she had told him so? Indeed, she'd been telling Chandler this for years, in response to his jealousy and insecurity about Richard. Maybe he just didn't want to believe it now, because of his feelings for Joey. She had to admit, she really hadn't helped by kissing Richard today either. Oh, everything was such a mess.

**Having never kissed a smoker myself, I don't know if the taste actually stays with you for hours like it did with Monica, so if that's not realistic, I'm sorry. The last chapter will of course resolve things better for Monica.**


	11. A Big Mess

**Is anybody here interested in setting up a C2 community for Unconventional Couples and/or Slash Couples? Please contact me if you're interested in starting it or being on the staff.**

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That afternoon, Joey finally came out of bed again after moping with Hugsy for much of the day. He was still wearing his bathrobe when he headed to the kitchen to get some food from the fridge. As he reheated the eggs and bacon that Ross and Rachel had made for him earlier, Joey was reminded of old days when he used to cook eggs for Chandler, and it made him feel lonely.

Just then, the intercom buzzed. Joey considered ignoring it, if it was just his friends trying to cheer him up again, but they had keys to the building and could let themselves in. Who else could it be, then?

So Joey answered the intercom. "Hello"

"Joey."

Joey jumped and gasped when he recognized the voice. "Ch-Chandler"

"Yeah, it's me, Joe. Can you let me in"

Becoming fidgety and anxious, Joey scratched the back of his head. "Uh, um, you-you sure that's a good idea"

"Joey, please" Chandler sounded desperate. "I need to talk to you. Don't leave me out here"

"Okay, okay." He reluctantly buzzed Chandler into the building.

"Thank you"

"Yeah, um, I'll see ya."

After that, Joey began to panic, not knowing what on earth to do now. Why was Chandler here? Had Ross and Rachel called him and talked him into coming over? They had said this morning that Chandler was upset when he heard about Joey losing his job.

Joey darted all around his apartment, trying to decide whether to hide in his bedroom or lock himself in the bathroom. But then he saw the scripts that Phoebe had left for him in the living room, and Joey got an idea. Grabbing a script and opening it to some random page, he sat down at the counter and ate his eggs while pretending to read his lines. This way, he wouldn't have to meet Chandler's eyes, and he could act like he was busy.

Soon Chandler arrived at the apartment door and knocked before coming in. "Joey"

Joey didn't look up, shoveling more eggs into his mouth and mumbling"Hey."

Chandler was rather disappointed not to be greeted by a crushing hug like the last time he visited. Joey seemed rather aloof as he bent over a script. "You're-you're rehearsing"

"Yeah, uh, Phoebe got me a bunch of auditions for next week so I can get a new job."

"Oh." Chandler was flustered and unhappy. Why wouldn't Joey even look at him?

"Yeah, so don't worry about me" he said. "I'm fine. You didn't need to come way out here to check on me."

Chandler sensed that Joey wanted him to go away, which distressed him deeply. "I-I just came-I just..." What could he do? Blurt out "I love you" now and hope that he wouldn't be rejected? Chandler gulped and told him quietly"Monica kissed Richard."

"What" Joey finally faced him and gasped, his eyes wide. "Richard"

Chandler nodded. "She drove to his apartment today and kissed him."

"Oh no" Joey got off the stool and went around the counter to hug him. "You okay"

Closing his eyes, Chandler sighed and returned the embrace with a crushing force. He had missed Joey's arms so much. "I-I just needed to see you" he moaned softly. "I..."

"It's okay." Joey hushed him and patted his back soothingly. However, he realized that he was getting a bit turned on by how tightly Chandler clung to him, and he felt dirty for that. Chandler obviously needed him just to be a friend right now, so Joey cleared his throat and tried to be more hopeful. "Wait, uh, are you sure it was Monica? Maybe it wasn't really her, like when we found that videotape at Richard's apartment, huh"

Chandler opened his eyes and shook his head. "She told me herself after she got home."

"What? Whoa" Joey couldn't believe this. "But how? Why"

Chandler finally pulled back and gazed into Joey's eyes soberly. "I-I think she did it... for the same reason I kissed you."

Joey blushed at this reminder and looked away uncomfortably. "B-because she was drunk" he asked with an uneasy shrug. That would help explain Monica's behavior, he supposed, though not excuse it. He still felt awful for kissing Chandler and dreaming of him since.

"No." Chandler frowned and made Joey face him again. "No, it wasn't because we were drunk, Joe. That was just an excuse because I was scared then. But it's not true." He caressed Joey's cheek tenderly and leaned close to kiss him, thinking that this would make his feelings clear.

Surprised, Joey was tempted to melt with the kiss, but he soon changed his mind and backed away. "Look, if-if you're just doing this to get back at Monica"

"It's not for revenge" Chandler looked hurt. "You think I'd do that? Really"

Joey apologized for his mistake, but felt helpless. "I'm sorry! I just-I don't know anything anymore since... since that night."

"I know." Chandler sighed with understanding. "Me too. I couldn't stop thinking about you after we kissed. That's why I needed to see you, Joe. That's why I came here now."

Joey remained confused. "But you said that you never wanted to see me again."

Chandler looked sorry now, and he whispered with regret"Phoebe told you that, huh"

Joey nodded and answered sadly"I thought maybe you hated me now."

"No! No, I only said that because I was so afraid, Joe. Afraid of what would happen if we lost control and kissed again, or more. I thought it was for the best, to stop seeing you and forget about what happened."

"Yeah" He was surprised that Chandler had a crisis of conscience too, and had not merely been disgusted and freaked out by what happened.

"Yeah. But I-I couldn't forget it, Joe. No matter what. I couldn't get over you." He choked up and took hold of Joey's hand anxiously. "And-and when I heard about you losing your job too, I got so worried about you..."

Joey came closer and hugged him reassuringly. "I'm okay." With great relief, they clung to each other and kissed each other warmly.

Chandler closed his eyes again and sighed. "Joey, I wanna live with you again. I never should have moved out. Let me come back"

Joey almost said yes, but then he remembered that it wasn't that simple. He frowned and felt terrible all over again about cheating. "But what are you gonna do about Monica, huh? And the babies" He hated the idea of breaking up their family.

Chandler explained"Well, they'll-they'll be all right, Joe. I mean, Monica's got Richard now, anyway. That's why she went and kissed him, because she still loves him and wants him back." He remained confident that Richard would change his mind and go back to Monica. "So we'll get divorced, and then it'll be over."

"But what about the babies" Joey repeated with concern. How could Chandler forget about them?

"They'll be okay" Chandler insisted, although he looked wistful and started to miss his children already. But he had decided to leave them for their own good, and he had to stand by that decision. "I already told Monica that she could keep Jack and Erica when I left. So they'll be with her and Richard, and they won't need me anymore."

"What" Joey gripped Chandler's arms in shock, and he couldn't believe that Chandler would abandon the kids like that. "You can't do that! You can't just leave them"

Chandler continued rationalizing the situation. "It's for the best, Joe. I mean, they're still babies, and they hardly even know who I am yet. I'm sure they'll forget me quickly once I'm gone. Besides, they really belong with their mom, you know, and I can't just take them from her after how long she's wanted them. How could I"

"But they're your kids too! I mean, what about getting joint custody or something? Don't you love them and wanna see them"

"Yes" Chandler got upset. He was making this sacrifice out of love, after all. "Of course I do, Joe, but we-we shouldn't split the twins up or have some vicious custody battle over them. That would be horrible" He still shuddered from the memory of his parents' bitter divorce. "Even if I could still be with the kids somehow, I'd-I'd only screw them up and be a horrible dad. They'll be much better off with Richard taking care of them; he's already raised kids of his own, so he'll know how to do everything right."

Joey finally started to understand the source of Chandler's misguided reasoning, but he shook his head and sighed patiently. "They're your kids, Chandler! Not his. Look, I know you're scared about being a dad and whatever, but that doesn't mean you should just step aside for Richard. They still need you. Besides, Richard's old enough to be the kids' grandpa. How weird is that gonna be for them, huh, and what if he dies while they're still growing up"

Chandler finally began to worry a little, but he argued stubbornly"Well-well, he's not that old. People are living longer all the time these days..."

"Chandler" Joey tried to shake some sense into him. "Look, even if Richard somehow makes a great stepfather, you can't just let the kids go and not be there for them at all. How would they feel when they grow up and they find out that their dad just left them-their dad who adopted them and wanted them too-just skipped out? Remember how you felt abandoned by your dad when you were a kid, and resented him moving to Vegas? Remember how mad and upset Phoebe was when she found out about her birthmother skipping out on her, and she realized that she'd been lied to all those years? If you love Jack and Erica, then you should try to hang on to them, Chandler, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Nothing's more important than family."

Joey's heartfelt speech finally got through to Chandler, and he now realized what a huge mistake he'd made. "You're right. Oh God, you're right! I'm sorry." He started to cry and shake all over. "I'm sorry"

"I know you are. I know." Joey embraced him tenderly and comforted him while he broke down into tears. "Shh, it's gonna okay."

"How" He felt quite ashamed and hopeless.

Joey tenderly reassured him. "Don't worry, we'll fix this. We'll fix everything. Come on" he turned and pulled Chandler with him to the phone. "Now first, we gotta talk to Monica about the twins and tell her that you didn't mean what you said, okay? You weren't thinking then and were, like, in shock after finding out about Richard."

Chandler nodded in agreement and tried to calm down. "Yeah. Okay, okay. I-I hope she's not mad, though."

"Well, I'll try to reason with her, I guess. Make her think of what's best for the kids. So, is she still at home, or did she head to Richard's place already"

"No, I think she's home."

So Joey dialed the number of the house in Westchester, and Chandler got anxious while they waited. Joey squeezed his hand while they sat together.

After some rings, Joey got the answering machine and said"Monica? Monica, are you there? Please pick up."

"J-Joey? Is that you" The twins could be heard in the background, and Monica's voice was unsteady.

"Yeah, it's me. Um, are you-are you all right" He could hear how distraught she was.

She didn't answer his question. "Is Chandler there with you"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, he's right here."

Her heart sank; she had hoped against hope that Chandler had turned the car around and was somewhere on his way home instead. "And you love him"

Startled and overcome with guilt, Joey hesitated. "Uh, well... Did Chandler tell you about"

"He told me he kissed you and he loves you" she replied, then choked up more violently. "And then he left! He just left us"

Joey spoke with deep remorse"I'm so sorry, Monica! I'm so-We're both very sorry about that. It just happened, and, um..." He gave up, thinking that it was pointless to go on, when she had gone and kissed Richard too. There were more urgent matters to handle. "Anyway, Monica, we really wanted to ask you about the babies, and what's gonna happen, you know, in the divorce. Chandler was wrong to say that he was just gonna give up the babies to you and Richard"

"Richard" she sounded exasperated. "Richard's not coming back! He's engaged."

"What" Joey was stunned by this news.

"He's moving to Paris in six weeks, and he doesn't love me" She sobbed. "I told Chandler all this. Why won't he believe me"

"I-I don't know" Joey said, letting go of Chandler's hand and looking at him harshly. "Why didn't you tell me that Richard was engaged"

Realizing that Joey thought he had lied on purpose, Chandler stammered"But it-it doesn't matter! They kissed. Richard's come back three times since they first broke up, and he always falls back in love with her. Why should this time be any different? He'll change his mind and go back to her for good now."

Joey was clearly unconvinced by this line of reasoning, and he returned to the phone conversation instead. "Oh God, I'm sorry, Monica! I didn't know! Chandler didn't tell me. I'm so sorry! Are you all right"

"No" she moaned.

"Oh, man" Then Joey sat up and realized something. "Wait, you mean you're alone there with the babies? Richard's not even with you, and Chandler just left" He was horrified by this thought and made a quick decision. "All right, you wait there, Monica! Don't do anything. Me and Chandler will be there soon."

"What" she wasn't sure that she heard him correctly, and Chandler was stunned too.

"We're gonna drive back to Westchester now" Joey said and stood up. "Don't worry about anything, Mon! We'll be right there and fix this big mess, okay"

"O-okay" she whispered rather hesitantly, but felt somewhat better that Joey seemed so concerned about her welfare. It was a big contrast to how Chandler had behaved.

"All right. We'll bring dinner too. Bye." Joey then hung up and went into his bedroom to get dressed to go out.

Chandler timidly followed him to the door. "Are you mad at me, Joe"

Joey scowled while he changed out of his bathrobe. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about Richard! First the kids, and then this! You really weren't thinking, were you"

Chandler backed away and winced, worried that Joey was disappointed in him and possibly didn't love him anymore. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Maybe I don't deserve the kids after all."

Seeing that he was so upset, Joey relented and tried to be patient with him. "Hey, hey! Don't say that. Calm down, all right" He went over to pick up the pizza box and his keys. "Look, the important thing right now is that we go fix things with Monica, and we can't do it over the phone. Come on, let's go." Grabbing Chandler's arm, Joey led them out of the apartment and down the stairs, asking where Chandler had parked his car.

-

In Westchester, Monica hung up the phone and returned to her children's side, both to comfort them and be comforted.

Before Joey's phone call, Monica had been waiting at home for over an hour, watching the twins and trying to tell herself that Chandler had only driven halfway to Manhattan and just needed time to drive back.

She also began tidying up the house to relieve her stress, and that was when she made a discovery. On the coffee table, underneath the stack of papers and other clutter, Monica found several drafts of a handwritten letter from Chandler to Joey.

Apparently, he had been writing this while alone with the twins today. He had crossed out many words, and never really finished. Chandler was clearly embarrassed and unsure about whether to mention the fact that they had kissed. Sometimes he tried to begin neutrally with "I heard that you're losing your job, and I wanted to check that you're okay" or "Ross just called and mentioned that you didn't find out about getting fired until days after I asked you for a loan. I was really worried that it was my fault that you didn't have any money." Other times, he began with an apology about kissing Joey, and even tried to explain the cover story that he had told Monica about that night. "I don't think we should see each other again."

Monica was puzzled when she read"I got your note at my office. Thank you for sending the check, but you should know that we didn't cash it." Then she realized that her husband had lied about not getting a loan from Joey. In fact, when Chandler had tried to go upstairs and take a nap today, he was probably trying to take all these drafts with him and hide them from her.

Reading these half-finished letters depressed Monica, and she started to think about Richard and wish that he could somehow love her, because she really didn't want to be alone now. She even pondered whether she should try calling Ross, Rachel, or Phoebe for help, but she didn't yet feel up to explaining to them what had happened today.

Now that Joey had called her and was coming back with Chandler, Monica wasn't sure what exactly would happen now. What did Joey mean by "fixing" everything? How could anything be fixed? Still, at least Joey had readily believed her about Richard, instead of being dismissive and in denial like Chandler. Would he perhaps convince Chandler to stay with her?

-

Joey and Chandler had to stop at a gas station first to refuel the Porsche, then they continued to Westchester. Joey brooded silently as he drove, while Chandler held the pizza box and pondered what they'd say to Monica.

Because Joey hadn't kissed him or hugged him again, Chandler feared that Joey remained irritated with him, so he apologized once more"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Richard, Joey. I really thought he would come back, and the kids would be fine with him..." He looked ashamed. "I was stupid."

Joey sighed and shrugged it off. "Yeah, but I guess you were all scared about your parents' divorce again, huh? You panicked and rushed out of there, didn't you"

"Yeah." He told Joey more details of his conversation with Monica, then confessed"I just-I just needed to see you again, Joe, and know if we could be together. I missed you so much."

Joey looked at him more tenderly. "I missed you too."

Chandler felt a little better. "I thought about you all the time at work, even before you sent me that note." Remembering that note, he added"Oh, I-I didn't cash your check."

"You didn't" Joey hadn't checked his bank balance lately, but he had assumed that Chandler deposited his check, since he needed the money so bad.

"No, I couldn't. Actually, that night I told Monica that you and me had a big fight, and that you never gave us a loan. I convinced her to get a loan from her parents instead."

"Oh." Joey frowned with concern. "You're gonna be all right? I mean, money-wise"

"Yeah, we were talking about selling the Porsche, and her parents' beach house too." He also explained that Jack Geller had requested that they rename their son because of some Jewish custom.

Joey's eyes widened. "Whoa! That's a big favor."

"Yeah. We were fighting about that. What about you, Joe? Are you gonna be all right, without your job"

"Oh, um, I don't know. Phoebe's helping me out, but I might have to live on my savings and cut back on some stuff for a while."

"I could move in with you, and help you out."

Joey was grateful, but couldn't accept the offer yet. "Thanks, but I think we gotta sort out you and Monica and the kids first." He squeezed Chandler's hand for a moment before returning it to the steering wheel.

"Okay." Chandler sighed, but was glad that Joey had touched him again. He whispered"I-I thought about you every night. I even slept in your old room."

Joey blinked with surprise. "Yeah? I did too. I-I dreamed about you." He blushed to recall how explicit the dreams were, then cleared his throat. "Didn't Monica wonder why you weren't with her"

"We were fighting, and I locked her out of the room. I-I couldn't be with her again. I couldn't even kiss her without wishing it was you."

Joey was touched, though at the same time he felt bad for Monica. He said nothing and squeezed Chandler's hand again.


	12. Fixing Things

**I'm sorry that this story keeps getting longer and longer, but these conversations and reactions got very tricky. Here's an update anyway.**

When the guys arrived in Westchester at 6:30 that evening, they parked the car outside and then entered the house together. Chandler awkwardly held the pizza box in front of him, half as a shield, half as a peace offering.

Monica was sitting on the couch breastfeeding their babies. She no longer needed the nursing device to assist her, and the warm, comforting contact with her children had managed to calm her down a bit. Still, she looked at Joey and Chandler with wounded eyes that seemed to ask, "How could you do this to us?"

Flustered by his guilt, Chandler stammered, "I'm--I'm sorry, Monica. Um, about the fight and leaving like that... Are you--are you okay?"

"Okay?" She scoffed at the absurdity of the question. "Yeah, my husband turned gay and abandoned us, but surprisingly I'm okay!"

Chandler winced at the reproach, but knew he deserved it. He stared at his feet and wondered if he'd screwed things up so bad that Monica would hate him for years the way that his mom had hated his dad for so long after the divorce. Nora and Charles Bing had still only tolerated each other at Monica and Chandler's wedding.

Meanwhile, Joey felt embarrassed and unable to face Monica in such a maternal moment. He grabbed the pizza box and said, "Um, you want us to go heat this up for dinner?"

Monica dragged her eyes away from Chandler and shook her head. "No. No, I'm not hungry." She shifted a blanket slightly to cover herself up, but let her babies continue nursing.

"Okay." So Joey put the box on the coffee table and sat down in a chair across from her. Chandler did so too, and they exchanged sad, worried glances, trying to figure out how to make things right.

At last, Joey cleared his throat and apologized too, "I'm really sorry, Mon... I-I never meant for any of this to happen, and I don't wanna break up your family. Really. You're my friend, and I want you to be happy. That's why we both came back here, to see if we could work something out."

"Like what?" she asked. Part of her hoped that Joey felt guilty enough to convince Chandler to stay with her, and yet, the way that Joey held onto Chandler's hand tightly suggested that they didn't want to end--whatever this was--between them.

Chandler spoke up again, motivated by looking at the babies in her arms. "Well, I-I was nuts, you know, to storm out of here and leave you with the kids like that. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I was, I was just so insecure about being a horrible father and screwing them up, and I thought you and Richard--" He saw the frustration on her face, so he altered his words. "And, um, I was stupid not to believe you about Richard. I guess I was just so messed up and desperate about Joey, that I wasn't thinking straight."

Monica closed her eyes and whispered, "I know." Then she gulped and pointed to some papers on the coffee table. "I found your letters to Joey."

"What?" Joey looked surprised and quickly grabbed the papers to read them.

Chandler realized what she meant and told Joey, "Oh, I-I was writing those earlier today, when I still thought I shouldn't see you again."

Monica opened her eyes and frowned at the two of them, sitting close together; they already looked too much like a couple, and it hurt her. "Apparently, you kept a lot of secrets from me, Chandler." She sighed sadly. "So what happened to Joey's note and the check you never cashed? Did you throw it away?"

Chandler explained, "No, uh, it's still in my desk at work. I was gonna shred it or something. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I-I never wanted to ask him for a loan in the first place, and I didn't want you to make me talk to Joey again, because I couldn't handle it. I was trying to forget about him."

Monica grimaced in defeat. "I guess it's pretty clear that didn't work."

They all fell into an uneasy silence, with the delicate subject hanging in the air. Joey stared at the letter fragments that Chandler had written to him, and he was torn between his guilt and his love for Chandler.

The silence was finally broken when the babies stopped nursing, then started to fuss and fidget irritably. Monica began shifting them in her arms, so that she could burp them, but they were quite a handful.

Chandler cautiously came closer and took hold of Erica for her, burping her with gentle pats on her back. Monica did the same for Jack, then handed him to Chandler too while she closed up her bra and shirt.

The twins settled down in their father's arms, and Chandler's heart broke a little, realizing how close he was to losing them completely. He looked up at Monica and asked her quietly if they could agree to joint custody of the babies. "I mean, I-I know that I said that you could have them before, but I really don't want to abandon our babies. I don't. We worked so hard to adopt them, and I love them, Monica. Please let me stay in their lives."

"I-I don't want you to abandon them either," Monica answered tearfully. "But how could you do that to us, Chandler? How could you just leave us like that?" She reached for the twins and took them back into her arms.

Chandler looked chastised, and Joey rubbed his arm kindly.

Hugging the twins tightly, Monica wiped her tears and told him, "And you should have believed me when I said that Richard's not coming back, and that I don't love him! I still love you, Chandler. I do."

He stared at her, realizing that she actually meant this; it caught him off guard. "I'm sorry. I guess I-I just assumed, because you went and kissed him, like I kissed Joey..."

She shook her head. "But it's not the same, Chandler! I tried to tell you the reasons why I kissed Richard, but you wouldn't listen to me." She put the babies aside in two baby seats that were lying around the living room. (Damn, the house was still such a mess!) She rocked them in the seats and spoke in a softer voice, trying to let the kids fall asleep, "When I kissed him, Chandler, it--it was partly just nostalgia about the past, and the fact that Richard used to talk about us moving to France someday. I always wanted to go to France, you know? You and me missed out on Paris, too, even for our honeymoon; we had to go to Hawaii instead because of the damn budget! I guess I didn't realize how much I resented that until now. And I think I also kissed him because I was so stressed out lately about our fights and our money problems, and I just felt--felt frustrated and exhausted in this house." She admitted miserably, "I-I'm really not as happy in Westchester as I thought I would be, Chandler. I think I expected too much, and we shouldn't have rushed into moving to the suburbs. We weren't ready."

Joey perked up at this remark, and he asked hopefully, "Are you thinking about moving back to the city, Monica? Yeah, you should come back! You and the babies could be closer to everybody, and you wouldn't have to commute to work, and--and you can sell this house for money, too."

"But where would I live?" Monica protested. "My old apartment's taken, and we can't just all live at your place, Joey." That would be horribly awkward, not to mention crowded.

Joey answered, "I know, but--but we can help you find another apartment, Monica. Maybe I could talk Phoebe into letting you and the babies stay with her until you find a place of your own. If not, I'll ask around to see if any of my sisters need a roommate. We'll find someplace good, I promise."

She glanced at both of them sarcastically. "And what, you two would live at Joey's apartment, all happy and gay?" She pictured the scenario bitterly and cried.

Joey realized that he'd pressed too far with his eagerness, and he felt awful. Maybe he was being selfish, after all, and should just step back and leave so they could stay a family.

Chandler moved to comfort her, but she withdrew from his touch, so he sat close and said helplessly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm hurting you, and I don't know how to make amends. You know, besides alimony and child support." He sighed as he thought of the traumatic process of divorce. "I guess I understand why Ross was so screwed up for so long after Carol left him, and I really don't want to screw you up like that. Or like my parents. I want you to be happy too, Monica. If--if Joey and I can help you out somehow, and make things easier..."

Monica didn't want to let go yet, and she looked at him heartbrokenly. "You really don't love me anymore, Chandler? After all our years together? It's just over?"

Chandler swallowed and looked penitent, but he insisted, "I couldn't stay with you, Mon. I can't. It would only be for the kids' sake, if anything, and that wouldn't make us any happier than we've been this past week. In fact, we'd probably get even worse. Do you want me to stick around, lying to you and fighting with you and aching to be with someone else? That didn't work for my parents, and it wouldn't work for us either. We'd get mean and miserable and cold and drunk, and just scar our kids in the process."

She glanced at their babies. "What about scarring them now, with a divorce?"

Chandler winced, and was afraid of that too. "Well--well, hopefully they won't remember any of this, because they're so young now. I think--I think if you and me can somehow get along after the divorce the way that--that Ross and Carol do now, our kids could grow up okay, like Ben."

Monica didn't want to take that risk, though, and she wished that none of this was happening. "How--how can you suddenly be gay, Chandler?" she pleaded with him. "How can everything change, just because of one kiss? You and Joey have been just friends for years, and nothing happened. I mean, you've even kissed before, on New Year's."

"Not like this," Chandler replied, "and--and it wasn't just one kiss." He closed his eyes and exhaled, recalling the passion of that moment. "It was holding him, and wanting him... It was me feeling ridiculously happy about him moving in with us, growing old with us. I realized how much I still need him, and he still needs me."

Joey was quite touched by his words, yet torn by his sympathy for Monica. He didn't know what to say.

Chandler opened his eyes again and recalled their past with a shrug. "I mean, Joey and I were never 'just friends' anyway. We were always closer than that, Mon. It was a running joke, you know, that we were hugging too much and acting like a couple, even after we stopped living together. But it wasn't just a joke, Mon. It wasn't. I should have realized it before, but I've been an idiot for so long. I guess I was just too scared to admit it to myself, and it didn't seem likely that Joey would feel the same, even if I did admit it. I'm sorry that I put you through this. You and the kids."

Monica wept in despair. "So that's it, then? Sorry and goodbye?"

"Well, that's--that's up to you. I mean, if you don't completely hate us now, if you could stand to have me and Joey around after the divorce, and let us help with the kids..." He gestured toward Jack and Erica in a silent plea.

She looked from Chandler to the babies and then to Joey, who looked at her earnestly too. Monica really didn't want to cut off the children from the only father they had ever known, but she didn't know whether she could handle their Uncle Joey becoming their father's boyfriend. It was certainly not a transition she wanted to make.

Still, what was the alternative? Try to raise the twins alone, while putting them in daycare and going back to work? Have no more contact with Chandler or Joey beyond divorce hearings, child support checks, and alimony payments? It took more than just money to raise children. They needed endless time and love and attention. How could she juggle all her responsibilities, while recovering from a broken heart? Monica knew she would probably find sympathy and support from her brother Ross and her other friends, but still, they had lives and even children of their own now. Being near them would probably be a daily, agonizing reminder of the fact that she no longer had a happy, complete family.

Monica was still struggling with the decision when the phone rang. It woke up Jack and Erica, who started crying. The adults ignored the phone and quickly went over to soothe them. Monica decided that they ought to put the twins in the den where they could sleep, while Chandler offered to help her carry them and rock them back to sleep.

Joey also started to ask Monica again if she was hungry, and if so, he could go heat up the pizza, or even cook a fresh dinner for them, while they talked all this out.

However, when the answering machine picked up the call, they heard Rachel leaving a message.

"Hey, is anyone home? Monica? Where are you? We've tried calling you on your cell phone all day, but it's been off. We're getting really worried here."

Joey and Chandler looked at Monica, not sure what to do. Monica hesitated for a moment, then motioned for them to put the twins in the den, while she went back to grab the phone.

"Hi, Rach. It's me."

"Oh good! There you are. Ross, come here, she's home!" Rachel activated the speakerphone so he could join the conversation. "Where have you been all day, Mon? Did you get Ross's messages?"

"Well, um..." Monica sat down and glanced at Joey and Chandler anxiously as they returned to the living room. "Yeah, sorry. I, um, it's been a... long day."

"Oh," Ross responded sympathetically. "The twins are running you ragged, huh?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

Rachel said, "Sorry, honey. Listen, we won't keep you long if you're tired or busy with dinner. We just wanna ask you--do you or Chandler have any idea where Joey is now?"

Monica blinked and inhaled sharply. "J-Joey?" She glanced at him nervously, and he offered to take the phone from her, but she hesitated to give it to him. She almost wanted to hang up and pretend that this wasn't happening to her. If the news got out to her friends and her family, then everyone would know how she had failed at having a happy ending in Westchester.

Meanwhile Chandler reached over to turn on the speakerphone so he could follow the conversation.

Ross explained to Monica, "We just went over to Joey's apartment to check on him and he wasn't home. Then we called Phoebe, but she doesn't know where he is either. So she dropped off his birds with us and went looking for Joey."

Rachel added, "He was very depressed and mopey when we saw him this morning. He even talked to Phoebe about possibly moving away, so we're worried."

"Yeah. We hoped that maybe he came over to see Chandler and make up after their big fight. But he hasn't been there, or even called?"

"Well, um..." Monica trailed off, then decided that she would indeed give the phone to the guys. This was too much for her to take.

Just then, there was the sound of a door opening, and they heard Phoebe enter and announce, "I just checked Joey's favorite pizza place and sandwich shops, but he wasn't at any of them."

Rachel reacted with disappointment and frustration. "But it's dinnertime! He should be eating somewhere."

Ross told Phoebe, "We've finally got Monica on the phone."

"Oh really?" Phoebe took the phone. "Mon, is Joey over there? Or Chandler?"

Chandler answered, "Yeah actually, I am here. We're both here."

In the background, Ross and Rachel reacted with surprise and relief at finding their missing friend.

Phoebe said, "Oh good! So have you guys made up about your fight yet?"

"Um, well, there never was a fight. I mean, there was a little one, but that's not why--"

"What!" Phoebe interrupted him irritably, "You mean you've been a jerk all week, and Joey's been all upset and depressed for nothing? Not even over a stupid loan?" She believed that friendship was worth far more than any dispute about money.

"No," Joey answered her. "It's just, something else happened that night, that we didn't tell you guys before, and that's the real reason why we've been avoiding each other."

"Well then, tell us already! What's really going on?"

Chandler took a breath and glanced at Monica while their friends waited impatiently. She was holding herself miserably and seemed on the verge of tears. Joey moved closer and tried to hug her, but she got up and ran into the den to be with the babies again.

Chandler explained slowly, "Um, well, on Monday night, when I asked for the loan... Joey and I argued about it for a while, but then we made up, and..." Joey squeezed his hand in support, as Chandler said, "We--we, um, kissed."


	13. Bombshells

**For this chapter, I'm going with the version of Ross's marriage that has Carol and Susan having an affair for a long time, like when Ross said, "for six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was, 'My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great'" in TOW Rachel's New Dress. The season 3 Flashback contradicts this, and makes it seem like Carol confessed about being a lesbian within a days of meeting Susan.**

**It's implied that at Joey's birthday party in TOW Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister, Chandler also kissed Monica, Rachel, and Ross while he was drunk. Rachel's conversation with Phoebe in the uncut version of Ross's Wedding included Phoebe's nonsequitur about Joey being gay.**

"You what!" Ross asked.

Rachel breathed, "Oh my God!"

Phoebe on the other hand said, "Ohhh! I get it."

Ross and Rachel were bewildered and indignant. "Get what?"

"Did you hear him? He kissed Joey!"

"Yeah," she said, "and that must be why they were acting so weird all week. It makes sense!" Phoebe scoffed at their shocked reactions. "Oh come on, like you never thought Chandler might be gay before! Especially when he was around Joey."

"That's just his gay quality," Ross said dismissively. "It's how he is with everybody."

Rachel agreed. "Yeah, I thought he was gay until he kept looking at my boobs. That was a clue."

"There have been plenty of clues the other way too, like when they kissed at New Year's, and--"

"Pheebs," Chandler decided he better interrupt. "Can we continue?"

"Okay."

"What the hell happened?" Ross demanded. "Were you drunk?" He hoped that this incident was merely like when Chandler had kissed a guy in a bar in Atlantic City, or when Chandler had stupidly kissed many people, including Ross, at Joey's birthday party.

"No," Joey answered, "not really. I mean, at first, we--we were shocked that we kissed, so we said that we must have been drunk or not getting enough sleep lately."

"Yeah, we were really freaked out about it, and I left in a panic. On my way home, I got scared about being gay and turning into my dad, so I decided to stop seeing Joey and pretend that nothing happened. I lied to Monica so that we'd get a loan from her parents instead, and then I-I just tried to move on. I really did, but I couldn't forget about him."

"It's only been a week!" Ross said scornfully. That didn't sound like trying at all, especially since Ross had tried to save each of his doomed marriages for weeks or months.

"I know," Chandler said. "But, um, I've been fighting with Monica too, and we've been having a hard time lately..."

"And now what?" Ross asked sharply. "What's Joey doing there now?"

"Chandler came to my apartment earlier, and I drove back here with him so that we could talk to Monica."

"Yeah, I finally told her the truth today because, because--well, um, she went to see Richard and kissed him." Chandler paused for his friends to react to that startling news, before admitting regretfully, "When I found out, I got upset and told her about kissing Joey. Then I-I left, because I thought she'd be fine with Richard."

"You left her!" Rachel finally found words.

"But we came back," Joey pointed out quickly.

"Wait, Richard?" Phoebe wanted more elaboration. "I thought she was visiting her dad?"

At first, Ross just sputtered in disbelief and outrage as he tried to absorb all these bombshells. Finally he shouted, "Chandler, you--you bastard! How could you? You've got a wife and two kids! Two babies!"

"I know!" Chandler said, "and we're trying to work that out with her now. Believe me, I'm really sorry."

"You're sorry! I'll make you sorry when I kick your ass from here to Brooklyn!"

Phoebe interrupted. "Ross, hey! Save it for when you're not an hour away, all right? Besides, do you think Chandler's the only one to blame for this? What about Joey, huh? Or what about Monica kissing Richard?"

"She--she probably was just getting revenge on them or something," Ross said, too upset to recall that Monica didn't find out about Joey and Chandler until after she kissed Richard. "Hey, where'd Monica go? How come she's not telling her side of this?"

Joey replied, "She went into the den with the babies."

"Let me talk to her right now!"

Joey and Chandler complied, taking the cordless phone into the den. Monica was sitting in a chair near the babies and crying softly.

They knocked and reluctantly murmured, "Uh, Ross wants to hear your side of things."

She motioned that she didn't want to talk, but Rachel apparently heard her crying and took the phone. "Mon? Mon, honey?" she spoke tenderly. "Can you hear me?"

Monica took the phone and choked through her tears, "Rach! Wh-what am I gonna do?"

"I don't know." Rachel sounded like she was crying too. "Oh sweetie, I-I wish I could give you a hug right now! Do you want me to come over and stay with you tonight?"

"Yeah," Monica moaned desperately.

"Okay, I'll be right there."

Ross added, "Me too!"

"Me three! Oh wait, what about Emma?"

"Um, can you stay here and watch her?"

"Her and Joey's birds? But I wanna see Monica too."

"Well maybe you can keep her company on the phone, since it'll take us an hour to get there."

Phoebe considered that. "Oh, okay. Give her a hug from me too."

"All right." Rachel then said to Monica, "Hold on, sweetie. Pheebs is gonna stay with you, and Ross and I will be there as soon as we can, okay?"

"Okay."

---

While Phoebe stayed on the line with Monica, Joey and Chandler decided to leave the room.

Joey shut the door and sighed. "Well, they're on their way. What should we do now?"

"I-I don't know. Wait for them, I guess... and give her some time."

Joey looked at his watch and pensively sat down on the arm of the couch. "Ross sounded really pissed, huh?"

"Yeah." That was no surprise, since Monica was Ross's sister, and Ross had previously been devastated by Carol's coming out. Chandler remembered when Ross gave him that big brother speech prior to their wedding, and now it didn't seem funny anymore. Chandler felt terrible and wondered if maybe he would've hurt Monica less, if he had run away from the wedding and never come back.

Joey looked worried and silently pulled Chandler close to him. Their embrace was warm and comforting, but also melancholy and bittersweet, because they could still hear the muffled sounds of Monica crying and talking (often in high-pitched, incoherent tones) in the den.

"Um, maybe we should start cleaning up around here," Joey suggested, looking around the house with guilt.

"Yeah."

Welcoming the distraction, they got up and tidied the living room together. Joey decided that he wanted to keep Chandler's letter fragments, so he folded them up and put them in his coat pocket.

As the long, tense hour wore on, the guys sat down to eat some of the pizza, and also checked in on Monica, to see if she was hungry or would let them watch the twins. At Phoebe's urging, she accepted some food, but ate listlessly.

Finally at around 8 PM, Joey and Chandler heard a car pull up outside, so they got up and opened the front door nervously.

Ross and Rachel got out of a taxi and threw cold glares at their former friends. Carrying an overnight bag, Rachel stormed into the house and yelled at Chandler first.

"How could you! Leaving her with two babies! You know, I'm glad that they're named Geller, not Bing! Some father you are!" Then she turned her ire on Joey, slugging him with her bag. "And to think that we were actually worried about you! I mean, I thought you were being childish with that 'stupid house in the stupid suburbs' grudge, and I thought you were being weird to not give them a loan, but this--this is _unbelievable_!"

"I didn't plan this, Rach!" Joey protested. "I just--"

"Don't call me that! You selfish pig!" She angrily strode past him to find Monica.

Ross came in after paying the cab driver and didn't look any calmer than Rachel did. In fact, he scowled at Chandler and punched him in the face. Turning around, Joey gave up on following Rachel and rushed back to Chandler's side. "You okay?"

Chandler staggered against the door and winced, but was glad that Ross hadn't tried to kick his ass further. In fact, Ross was holding his sore hand and considering whether to put ice on it before going in to see Monica. Chandler called out to him, "Ross, I'm sorry--"

"Shut up, Chandler! I-I don't wanna see you or talk to you ever again! You were my best friend and I trusted you all these years, but you're just a lying bastard!"

"It's not his fault," Joey said. "I kissed him. Look, Ross, I understand why you're upset. If it were my own sister, I'd--"

"So that makes you a hypocrite!" Ross approached again and almost punched him too, before remembering that Joey had always ducked the last time, causing him very painful injury. He reluctantly controlled his rage and opted for disappointment instead. "I-I thought you were a good guy, Joey. Even back when we were fighting about Rachel before, you seemed... But now you do this! I don't even know you anymore."

Joey was heartbroken, and Chandler defended him, "He was just as upset about Monica, and you even said that he was thinking about moving away. We were both struggling with our feelings."

"It's only been a week!" Ross repeated. "You don't know the first thing about suffering and sacrifice. Yeah, why don't you move away? Why don't both of you just get the hell out of here?" Ross then turned and hurried to join Monica and Rachel in the den.

With that hurtful rebuff, Joey and Chandler glanced at each other, then walked dejectedly out the front door. Chandler hesitated and looked forlornly at the porch, while Joey again inquired with concern about his bruise. Maybe they should go back inside to get an ice pack for him.

Chandler shook his head and whispered, "You think they'll ever forgive us, Joe?"

"I don't know. I hope so, 'cause the kids--" Joey gulped and bit his lip, not wanting to upset him even more.

Chandler hugged Joey again and clung to him for reassurance and strength. Then he sighed and miserably headed with Joey back to the Porsche. All they could do for now was drive back to Joey's apartment and hope that Monica and the others would be willing to talk to them later.

---

In the den, Phoebe was still on the phone, helping Rachel catch up on everything Monica had told her about Richard, and Joey and Chandler.

Ross was surprised to learn that Richard was engaged and moving to Paris in six weeks. He also realized that he had been wrong in his assumption about when and why Monica had kissed Richard, but his rage intensified when he realized that Chandler decided to leave her at a time like this.

"And he had the nerve to ask for custody?" Ross hugged his sister tenderly, while she cried on his shoulder. "Why didn't you call us right away, Mon, and tell us?"

"Yeah," Rachel said, looking at the time. "Why did you wait so long? We could have been here a lot sooner."

Monica shrugged and spoke through her tears, "I-I couldn't believe it. I thought he'd come back, you know, by himself. It--it's so humiliating, everything falling apart like this. First the house, and the bills, and now this... I-I'm a failure, and I screwed everything up."

"No, honey!" Rachel rubbed her back.

"Oh! Why would you think that?"

Monica sat up and moaned. "You don't think my mom would somehow blame me for this? She'd--she'd say it was my fault for seeing Richard, my fault for not paying enough attention to Chandler, or for letting Joey have a room in the house."

"Mon, no, no!"

Phoebe said, "Your mom can be a real bitch!"

Ross protested in fairness, "She didn't actually say that! She doesn't even know yet." But he comforted his sister anyway, "Come on, Monica, it's not your fault. Nobody would say that. You just trusted Joey and Chandler. We all did." He shook his head and sighed. "I-I can't believe I misjudged them so badly. That they'd lie and--and be gay..." Chandler maybe, but not Joey.

Monica sobbed anew, so Ross held her again and hushed her soothingly. "It's okay, it's okay. We'll take care of you now. You and the babies."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed, and looked sympathetically at the sleeping twins.

"I'll get you my divorce lawyer, and you can come stay with us."

"It--it'll be too crowded," Monica sniffled.

"Yeah, and too close to Joey and Chandler," Phoebe pointed out. "She can stay with me. I'll make room."

"Good! Can you baby-proof your apartment?"

They worked out the details together, planning to pack up Monica and the twins to take them back to Manhattan in the morning, at least temporarily. Monica said that she didn't like living in Westchester, and her friends sympathized, not wanting her to be alone and far away from them at such a difficult time. Sorting out what would happen to the house and the furniture, of course, would have to wait until the divorce was in motion.

Noticing a plate with some leftover pizza crust on it, Ross asked if Monica was hungry and wanted to eat something else after her long day. Phoebe suggested that all three of them have dinner, since Ross and Rachel had left in a hurry without eating.

So Ross took the plate away and cooked a simple dinner for them in the kitchen, while Rachel helped Monica clean up a bit with tissues.

After the three ate in the kitchen, they sat in the living room with Jack and Erica and discussed Joey and Chandler some more. Phoebe remained on the phone, while she was watching the baby birds and Emma.

Ross sighed. "I still can't believe this! Chandler's been with Monica for years now. We should have known that he was really gay before now."

"Not necessarily," Phoebe said. "Carol was with you for what, seven years, before she realized she was a lesbian."

Ross got pissed off by that comparison. "Yeah, and she cheated on me with Susan for months before she finally told me and asked for a divorce!"

"Well, at least Joey and Chandler came out with it," Phoebe observed, looking on the bright side. "I guess a week isn't so bad after all."

Ross still thought a week indicated too little effort on their part. "They could have tried harder to stay away from each other."

"Too little or too much. It's all about bad timing, I guess," Phoebe said with a sigh, thinking of how her ex-husband Duncan had only realized he was straight after six years of trying to "fit in" with the other ice dancers.

"How can Joey be gay?" Rachel was bewildered by the notion. "Joey, of all people."

Phoebe scoffed and sounded annoyed. "God, you guys still don't listen to me!"

"What?" they asked her.

"I told you years ago," Phoebe insisted. "Rachel, remember when I told you Joey was gay, and you didn't believe me? You know, when everybody was at Ross's wedding in London, and you hadn't left yet?"

Rachel vaguely recalled this conversation. "What? I-I thought you were joking, or spouting weird nonsense like you always do. You were rambling about broomsticks!"

"I meant some phallic symbol thingies, like from _Be Your Own Windkeeper_, but I couldn't remember the name! But anyway, I was serious, just like I was serious about you being in love with Ross and Monica being a clean freak. And look at how I've been proved right at last!"

"You haven't proved anything!" Ross replied, with obvious disdain for her psychic intuitions. "And if you really knew all this was going to happen, then why didn't you tell any of us before?"

"I did tell you!" Phoebe replied, "when I told Rachel about Joey. And I've been predicting for years that Monica and Chandler wouldn't work out. Don't you listen?"

"We thought you were just being sarcastic and bitchy because you didn't like Chandler."

"Well, I don't like whipped Chandler, and he can be annoying sometimes. But I was trying to give Monica some warning, and maybe get Chandler to snap out of the closet a little earlier."

"You didn't say they were actually going to kiss, and walk out on Monica with two babies!"

"Well, the vision I had was that Monica and Chandler were going to divorce years from now, so this snuck up on me. Hmm, maybe I actually changed the future with my prodding. Also, sometimes predictions aren't that accurate, or there's a mistake, like when my psychic said I'd die in a week, but it was really her."

Rachel hugged Monica comfortingly, while Ross said irritably, "So you just watched them get married and buy a house and adopt kids, knowing that they'd never last? You should have been clearer."

"Hey, even if you didn't understand what I was saying, there have been many signs over the years that you could have noticed, like Joey kissing Chandler at New Year's, and buying him jewelry, and crying when he moved out. Or when he liked taking naps with you, Ross. I could go on and on about Chandler too. I mean, come on, saying he'd hypothetically date Joey--how obvious can you get?"

Monica cried and lamented, "I-I should have known. But--but he didn't seem weird when we had sex together or anything."

Phoebe spoke more gently, "Oh, I'm sorry, Monica! I shouldn't be insensitive. I know this is really awful and painful for you right now, but we're all here for you. We'll help you through it, just like we helped Ross get over Carol." She sighed. "At least the truth is out now, and you can move on at last. I promise, Monica, you are gonna be happy again. If Richard really is out of the picture for good, then maybe I could fix you up with Don when you're ready. Remember him, your British soulmate guy?"

"No!" Monica shook her head fiercely. "No, I-I don't want to date anybody. I don't want a divorce! I love Chandler! I still--" She sobbed again.

Ross and Rachel scolded Phoebe for upsetting her, so she dropped the subject, and they just focused on comforting Monica and taking care of the babies that night.


	14. Other Worlds

Meanwhile, Joey and Chandler returned to their old apartment and sat down heavily. Joey got an ice pack for Chandler's bruise, and they talked anxiously about their troubles. Would their friends not forgive them? Would Monica decide against joint custody, and cut them out of the twins' lives forever? Could Chandler fight it with a good divorce lawyer, or would that only drag things out interminably and be bad for Jack and Erica?

Chandler got depressed from remembering his parents' divorce, and he feared that his and Monica's divorce would be just as bad, if not worse.

Joey tried to soothe him, but felt foolish and naive for thinking that he could somehow "fix things" with Monica today. Nothing had been fixed, and now all they could do was wait, uselessly.

After a long, exhausting evening of doubt and speculation, the guys finally decided to go to bed. Since Chandler hadn't brought anything with him, he changed into his boxers and t-shirt, while Joey offered to lend him anything else he needed. (Having waited for three months for Chandler to visit him, Joey had an extra toothbrush and other overnight stuff ready.)

So they got ready for bed, then kissed again and softly said goodnight to each other before retiring to their separate bedrooms, as if they were just roommates again.

Joey got undressed and turned off the light in his room. With a sigh, he lay back in bed and wondered whether Chandler was okay. Did he need another ice pack? Did he need more comforting? Should Joey have asked Chandler to spend the night with him? Or was it too soon for them to get that close? Was it selfish? Chandler was still married after all, and the guilt overwhelmed Joey. Maybe Ross had a point when he said that they had only been struggling with their feelings for a week; maybe they should have tried harder to preserve Monica and Chandler's marriage, and maybe Joey shouldn't have let Phoebe talk him out of moving to L.A.

Yet, somehow Joey couldn't help missing Chandler badly and being heartbroken. It was like when Joey had moved out once and got jealous of Chandler's new roommate Eddie, or like when Chandler had commuted to Tulsa for three months, only coming home for the weekends. Living far away from each other, and calling on the phone, just wasn't the same. Joey couldn't take being apart from Chandler for long, let alone thinking that their friendship could be over for good. He had been afraid of being phased out of Chandler's life for years. Sadly, it looked like he and Chandler would both be dropped from their friends' lives now. He hoped he was wrong, though, and that Monica would let the twins would still see their father.

Joey rolled over and tried to get some sleep, ignoring his aching desire to hold and kiss Chandler again. They shouldn't move too fast, and they had many other things to worry about. He should just be grateful that Chandler was here at last, like Joey had wanted for three months. If only it could have happened without hurting Monica and the kids...

In his room, Chandler also lay wide awake and thought about Joey. Joey had left Hugsy in the bed, because he had slept here for the past week, like Chandler had slept in Joey's room at the house in Westchester. Hugsy still smelled like Joey, and that made Chandler miss him more. He was so close--just on the other side of the wall.

Feeling lonely and restless, Chandler finally got up from bed and took Hugsy with him. He walked over to Joey's room and cautiously knocked on the door.

"Joey?"

"Chandler?" Joey sat up when he opened the door.

Chandler came in. "Uh, you left Hugsy in my room."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. Sorry."

"That's okay." Chandler came closer and handed the stuffed penguin to him.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Joey put Hugsy between his pillows. "Um, is your bruise still bothering you?"

"No, I'm fine." Chandler hesitated for a moment, just looking at him in the darkness. Then he whispered, "I, um, I thought about you in Westchester too. Especially at night. I'd even--I'd even pick up the little men from the foosball table, you know, and get sad 'cause you said they should always be together, and--and I wished that we were together too."

"Yeah?" Joey was touched, and smiled tenderly at him.

"Yeah."

After another awkward pause, Joey leaned near and kissed Chandler lightly. He caressed his face, being careful of the bruise, then let go and murmured goodnight again.

"Uh, goodnight." Chandler began to back away from him reluctantly, but he stopped, and gathered up his courage again. "Joey, can I--can I stay here with you tonight?"

Joey considered it and frowned. "I-I don't know. Are you sure about this?"

"Please? I miss you, Joe, and I can't sleep. I wanna be close to you."

"But we've never done this before--"

"I know. I mean, we--we don't have to do anything, do we? We could just... I mean, like when you napped with Ross, remember? We could sleep."

"Oh." Joey blushed and felt bad for having assumed that Chandler meant sex. He cleared his throat nervously. "Right! Yeah. I'm--I'm sorry. I just got nervous about... about us."

"I know. Me too." Chandler moved nearer and started to kneel on the bed beside him. He asked again, "So, can I stay? It's just, I-I wanna wake up next to you."

Joey sighed and finally agreed with a nod. "Okay."

"Thanks." Chandler sat down and hugged Joey warmly. Then he kissed him again, and also started to pull back the bedcovers so that he could slide in next to Joey.

Joey got nervous and stopped him. "Hey, Chandler!" He gulped. "I'm--I'm naked right now."

"Oh." Chandler belatedly remembered that Joey always slept naked. He had thought Joey was just shirtless.

"Yeah. Let me put something on, okay?" He discreetly got out the other side of the bed and reached for some shorts.

Chandler wondered for a moment whether he ought to go back to his room. Or should he get used to Joey being naked? He ought to be comfortable with it, if he and Joey were going to make love eventually. Chandler did want that, even if he wasn't quite ready now; he had kissed Joey and had dreams about him lately. Joey had told him in the car about having erotic dreams too.

Joey returned to bed and asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, Joe. I don't know why I keep forgetting that you sleep naked. I mean, I've been camping with you, and I even came in here once when you were snoring and rolled you over." Perhaps he was subconsciously blanking out such intimate moments in order to repress any homosexual desires that he had about Joey's nakedness, or so Chandler's old therapist might say; they had often discussed his fear of becoming like his dad.

Joey took his hand. "You sure you wanna stay tonight?"

Chandler hugged him and said, "Yeah. Yeah, we can just sleep."

"Right. We can take things slow." They lay down in the bed and snuggled close.

"It'll be like when we shared the fold-out couch," Chandler said.

Joey blushed a bit, and Chandler noticed.

"What?"

"Um, well," Joey confessed, "I had a dream about that night."

"You did? What happened?"

"We were just talking, you know, about my dad's mistress and whether I could settle down with one girl. Then I hugged you, and we started laughing and wrestling, until we kissed and... you know."

"Really? Even with your dad and Ronni sleeping next door?"

Joey shrugged. "It was a dream."

"Right." Dreams didn't really have to follow any logic, and Chandler had had some odd dreams himself over the years. He whispered sadly, "I wish that, you know, that we got together before me and Monica."

"Me too," Joey answered. "I also had a dream that we hooked up in London, instead of you and Monica."

"That's cutting it close, but I guess it's better than waiting until now, huh?"

Joey nodded and watched his somber face. "You miss your kids already?"

Chandler nodded, and cried against his shoulder. Joey kissed him gently, and they kept talking for a while more, until they got tired and fell asleep.

---

That night, Chandler dreamed about rolling Joey over while he was snoring, but instead of hiding his eyes and leaving, he openly stared at Joey's body and leaned closer, waking him up. Joey smiled and sat up, kissing him and sending a thrill through his body. Then Joey pulled him into bed and took off his clothes, until they were both naked. They kissed more passionately and sank onto the bed together.

On Sunday morning, of course, Chandler awoke and realized that he had only been dreaming. He enjoyed the warmth of their shared bed, though, and watched Joey sleeping on the other pillow. Chandler didn't mind him snoring anymore and wondered why he had been afraid for so long of being gay.

When Joey woke up, Chandler said good morning and thanked him for letting him stay.

Joey said, "It was nice."

Chandler told him about his dream, adding, "I wish it had really happened, back then."

Joey nodded. "You wouldn't have sent me to a sleep clinic or slept with that screaming girl."

"Or Monica, in London."

They sadly embraced, and worried anew about the divorce. "Do you think we should try to call the gang?" Joey asked.

"I don't know. Maybe they'll only hang up on us."

They fell silent, not sure how to cope with their situation or comfort each other. Not knowing what else to do, they both got up to dress and make the bed. Chandler was still in the bathroom and Joey was making some breakfast, when the telephone rang.

Phoebe said, "Oh good, you're awake."

"Pheebs?" Joey was surprised and glad to hear her voice. "I-I thought nobody was speaking to us."

"Well, everybody else is still mad and shocked. You're gonna have to give them some time, you know?"

"Sure. Um, is Monica doing any better?"

"A little bit. She's still having breakfast at the house and packing some stuff. Ross and Rachel are gonna take her and the twins back to my apartment to stay for awhile."

"Oh."

"Anyway, since they're gonna be back here soon, I thought this would be a good time for you and Chandler to pick up Chick Jr. and Duck Jr."

"Oh, right! You were watching them and Emma last night."

"Yeah, so if you wanna avoid a big ugly fight when Ross and Rachel come home, you better come across the street and get your birds."

"Okay, um, I'm cooking some breakfast now, but I'll send Chandler over soon."

"All right, I'll pack up the birds and stuff in their carrier again."

"Thanks, Phoebe."

"No problem. I'll try to keep you posted about how Monica's doing, but they might not want me to keep in touch, what with the divorce and all."

"Yeah, I understand. Bye."

"Bye."

When Chandler came out of the bathroom, Joey told him about Phoebe's phone call.

Chandler was surprised too. "Wow. That's nice of her. She didn't seem mad at all?"

"No, not really. She didn't even yell about Monica."

"Huh. Well, I'll go get the birds."

---

At Ross and Rachel's apartment, Phoebe was doing her best to comfort Emma, who was crying because her mommy and daddy were still not home yet. When Chandler knocked on the door, Phoebe called out, "It's open!"

He came in and looked around for the pet carrier, which he found on the coffee table. "Thanks, Phoebe."

"Sure. Hey, wait! Do you think you can hold Emma for a minute?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, well, I can't calm her down, and you've got kids too--"

Chandler winced at the painful reminder, so Phoebe said, "I mean, you were pretty good with Ben when he was little, and Emma is your goddaughter." She came over and handed Emma to him, putting the pet carrier down again.

Chandler gently rocked the toddler and hushed her. "There, there. Your mommy's coming home soon." He sat down and held her on his lap.

Phoebe was relieved when Emma finally calmed after a while. "Well, you're not as quick as Monica is, but she clearly likes her Uncle Chandler more than her Aunt Phoebe."

Chandler sighed sadly. "I'm probably not gonna see her anymore either, huh?"

Phoebe came closer and sympathetically put her hand on his shoulder. "I'll do my best to get them to forgive you, but it's gonna take some time. It won't be overnight."

"I know. I appreciate you trying, though."

"Sure. It's not like you two are the only ones who ever acted stupid and made a mistake, and Ross did forgive Carol and Susan eventually. I'll try to make them see that, but I can't push too hard or too often, or they'll get mad at me too."

"Thanks, Pheebs." He looked at her, bewildered as to why she would take that risk for them. "Can I ask why you're still being nice to us? Don't you hate us too?"

"No, no, I don't hate you guys. I mean, I'm sorry that your timing's so bad, and you've hurt Monica, but I knew that something like this was bound to happen."

"You knew?"

"Yeah, you know all the hints I kept dropping about you being gay? It wasn't just to piss you and Monica off. I saw a vision of the future years ago."

"What? You saw this happening?"

"No! Not exactly this, but close." She sighed and tried to think of how to explain it, knowing that everyone was pretty skeptical about her psychic abilities. "Um, you know David, my scientist guy? Well, he once told me about some physicist theories about strings or something, and they say that there are tons of different universes out there."

She was starting to lose Chandler, so she said, "It's like when we imagined what would have happened if Monica was still fat, and Rachel had married Barry, so on. Every possible reality that could exist, does exist, in parallel universes. That stuff didn't happen in our world, but it happened in an alternate world, see? So I think that sometimes I accidentally get a psychic vision from one of the other universes out there, you know, but I can't tell for sure until it happens--or doesn't happen. I actually kind of like being surprised."

"You're saying you saw me and Joey getting together?"

"Yeah, only it didn't happen now, like this. It happens years later." She explained, "See, the twins are like five years old, and you've just put them to bed one night. Monica is working late at the restaurant, so you go to hang out with Joey--he's living with you in Westchester. You also gave him a second room in your house because he helped you guys so much with money and the twins, and you even bought a new foosball table for the game room. So anyway, you come into his room and want to watch _Die Hard_ with him again, but he says he's got to rehearse a script. It's another gay audition, and he asks you to rehearse the kissing with him. You say he should practice with Ross again, but Joey says you're here, and besides, don't you owe him for everything he's ever done for you? You guys fight, but he finally guilts you into it, and gives you the script to read."

"Then we kiss?"

"Yeah, and you both really like it. You don't wanna admit it at first, but you keep 'practicing' the kiss a lot, until you get carried away and forget all about being married. You drop the script and start making out on his bed."

"We sleep together?"

"No, you guys finally stop and pull apart. Joey feels terrible and says he should move out. You say, yeah, you guys can't go on like this. So you leave the room and wait for Monica to come home, and you try to pretend that nothing happened, that Joey just wants to move to Hollywood to be in more movies. So Joey starts looking for a new apartment, and tries to avoid you, but you still have to talk about who's gonna keep your birds and the foosball table. It already feels like a divorce, and you're both heartbroken about losing each other. You guys realize you're in love and finally confess to Monica, so she kicks you both out. We find out too, and there's a big custody battle, and even some scandal, because Joey's more famous now."

Chandler was getting quite wrapped up in this alternate universe, when the phone rang. It was Joey, wondering what was taking so long.

Phoebe said, "Oh, um, Chandler was helping me calm down Emma, and we got to talking."

"Oh. Well, come over soon. Breakfast is getting cold."

"Yeah, okay." She hung up and told Chandler, "Anyway, it doesn't matter what happened in that universe, 'cause you guys are here now. You better leave with the birds, before Ross and Rachel get back."

She took Emma from him and got up. He grabbed the pet carrier and started to leave, but he hesitated at the door. "Phoebe, do you have any idea how things will turn out here, in this universe? Will Monica forgive us and let us see Jack and Erica?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "Well, I see something, but I'm not sure if it's in this universe, or another. I'll do the best I can, though."

"Okay. Thanks anyway." He sighed and left, trying to hope for the best.


End file.
